"So Sir, uhh... Mr. Zed?"
: ...
"Ok... It says here that you always have the energy to work?"
: ...
"Erm... Oh! And I see that you are good at learning things, it says you practically 'shadow' your instructors? Good!"
: ...
"Do you do anything for fun, Mr. Zed? What are your hobbies?"
unsheathes his blades and stabs the table. "I'm a bit of a cook."
HELLO
Me: uh HI Mr. Braum
I WANT TO WORK WITH GOAT
Me: This is a restraunt... you can cook goa-
Breaks table WHAT!
Local News Channel
A man was caught today with 50 goats escaping the local restraunt
...although you do have the qualifications we look for, there are many other candidates in line for this...
snort
...we are afraid we cannot afford to give you this position.
...what?
We cannot hire you.
Why not? I have met all your demands!
As previously stated, the sheer number of other...
Silence!
blink
...could you please remove yourself from my office?
How did...
...
So Mr... uh Rammus It appears you are the only one ok with working for this company at minimum wage Are you willing to start now?
Ok
Hi I'm here about the nurse position.
Human resources: Alright we're all set up here, now can you tell me your qualifications?
I have centuries of experience healing some of the most devastating wounds.
Human resources: umm ... ok but what about your educational qualifications?
Well I was a priestess of the stars and eventually gained the discipline necessary to use star magic to heal those around me. When I became even more connected to the stars I was able to hear their guidance and could heal even more effectively as the centuries went on.
Human resources: So is that like peace corps experience?
Sort of? More like joining a church and being taught basic health care skills in a free clinic in a magical glade where I never aged and could focus of worship.
Human resources: Oh I get like a salvation army nurse.
Yes like that.
Human resources: So, how did you lose your job?
I was fired for attacking a former patient who attacked me after tricking me into fighting for his safety.
Human resources: Huh?!
He planned on ripping my heart out of my chest for a potion from the start. I was fooled into thinking he was trying to get revenge on his wife's killers.
Human resources: WOW ok, you clearly have a long work history and are dedicated to your work, what skills do your have?
I can heal everyone in the hospital at once.
Human resources:....really?
Yes.
Human resources: Can you do it now?
Yes (casts spell)
Human resources: My headache is gone. Your hired.
Yay (does her happy dance)
"Do you have any past experience working in the Nursing field."
Well I am an expert in Drawing Blood.
"And you can do so without any Problems?"
Why I love a pint.
"Welcome to Riot Head quarters. As you know, we're looking for Talented individuals to to work on Server Mait-"
Let me Fix that. I can do that Better.
"we need people who are good, talking to other people. Maybe this isn't the right place for you."
.....
"here at Jared's, we are looking for experts in Diamonds. Do you have a good Eye for cut and clarity?"
I laid each and every, hand picked stone into this suit of armor and Hammer.
"your hired."
"Do you have any Experience with a welding torch?"
I am a welding torch.
MUNDO RUN CORPORATION NOW
"It says here that you used to seduce men and viciously murder them..."
Yes, that's correct.
"Well, regardless of whether or not you've turned a new leaf, we simply cannot hire somebody with an extensive criminal record, especially one this... extreme."
C'mon...
"...?"
Don't you trust me?
"Hello, Mr. Viktor, may I call you Vik? You are applying for the role of professor of Robotics?"
"NO, you may call me Professor."
"Uh, sir, I haven't hired you yet"
"No worry, I eem veery well qualefied for the tasks that are at my hands."
"Well, I'm glad to hear that, but how exactly are you qualified?"
"I got fired at my last job at a much more prestigious Univearsitee, so I was hidink myself away at home replacink my limbs with robotics."
"You what??"
"I have also been determinink that humans would be more peerfected eef we had third arm, so I added one of those as well."
"That sounds so inhumane! How are you not in an asylum right now?"
"Third arm also shoot lazer that penetrate 8 feet concrete. The asylum was less interestink than this job opportunity. I could not resist!"
. . .
"I have finally inspired awe into the mind of a puny human!"
"Puny? I swe– nevermind. Get out of my office."
ZZZARRAPT! "DO NOT BE STANDING IN THE WAY OF MY GLORIOUS EVOLUTION!"
"hello mister malzahar do you have any prior experience"
"yes, i was the prophet of the void for a long time spreading the void and its never ceasing hungry armies to Runeterra"
"how does that qualify you to be a garbage truck driver?"
"i have this
and it is getting very hungry"
"oh umm what does it eat?"
"anything that moves half the things that dont and the rest anyway"
"so pretty much anything?"
"yes"
"ok i think i can hire you"
(
bursts in through the wall)
"THIS IS VERY IRREGULAR"
"happens all the time"
"Oh my it appears he is late for the interview this does not bode well."
SURPRISE!
Oh god where did you come from?
Right behind you.
Uhm okay..... What makes you qualified for this position?
I can be in two places at once
That seems to be a very handy skill, we could use that around here. But before I hire you i have to ask: there are an extensive list of jobs here but no references... why is that?
I made them disappear hehehehehehe
..... We'll be in touch.
Me: Hello Mr. Veigar, uh have a seat.
: Was that a short joke?!
Me: Uh, no.
: I will swallow your soul!
Me: Uh, ok let's just get back to the interview. So here is says you extensive knowledge in the unstable matter of outer space.
: That is correct.
Me: Now we are looking for more of a athletic person for our night-watch program.
: Well I have done some curling a few years back.
Me: laughs Curling? Is that a sport?
: I am evil, stop laughing!
Me: As far as I can see you are in no way qualified for this job...
: lays full combo Even now your loved ones suffer!
I have to admit this is really sloppy. I probably could've done better but this is what I came up with.
So Shyvana. . .that's. . .an interesting name. . ."
: "My father gave it to me."
"Right. . .So it says here that you don't. . .require energy. . .or mana? The heck is mana?"
: . . .
". . .right, anyway what other job experiences have you had over the years?"
: "I have served in the Damacian royal guard, protecting the prince himself."
". . .okay. (makes notes on his clipboard) It says here that you are an aggressive go getter. That's always good to hear."
: . . .
"So is there anything that makes you uniquely qualified for this position?"
: "I can create fire. . ."
"Right. . .(makes another note on his notepad) Well I think that's all I need."
: "So I have obtained the job?"
"Yes, you start tomorrow as the new fry cook."
Interviewer: Hi my name is, what in the name of...
: ...
Interviewer: shivers a unique individual I see, uh, well, uh
: do you fear me?
Interviewer: maybe you'll be better suited for management
Over at management
Interviewer2 sitting down looking at a report in front of him: So Mr. Uh, Nocturne, you were referred here because it was thought that you would be good at this position— glances up HOLY FU—
stabs blade into the desk an inch away from interviewer2's face
Get on with it
Interviewer2: pissing pants I see you have great people skil—
Da big baws: slams the door open you're hired
...
screw it, daaaaaaarknesssssssss
yo, das racis
leaves officer with dripping axe.
"What interview? Just saw this puny human screaming at me in mockery."
So it say here that you can anger people into recklessly attacking you.
nods
And that you also have crafted an almost invincible piece of armor.
Yeah
I got it! You could lane with Shyvana! Her ult will never run out! :D
gulp
I defeated the Generals of Heaven, I'm immortal, and I can create clones of myself.
Interviewer: You're hired
I will be the best!
Interviewer: I'm fairly certain you already are. Welcome to Aperture Science, Subject 13.
"Everyone is always late for these interviews..."
"..."
"Yes hello, you are he..."
"THE FIRE IN A YORDLE'S HEART NEVER BURNS OUT!"
"Uummmm, yes interesting. What are your prof..."
"NOTHING CAN STOP ME! NOT EVEN A WALL OF TIGERS WITH SMALLER TIGERS FOR TEETH!"
"O... k? Im not en..."
"TOO MUCH IS MY MIDDLE NAME! THATS RIGHT I HAVE TWO MIDDLE NAMES!"
"Sir, you nee..."
"WHEN DANGER CLOSES IN DRILL RIGHT THROUGH IT!"
"Sir, please! Exit the offi..."
"SUPER GALAXY COMBO BREAKER!"
Greetings!
Me: Hello Mr.Pantheon! May I ask what past job experience you have?
I was the Artisian of War! slams fist on desk
Me: Uh sir, that sounds violent and now you wanna be a baker?
Yes, a baker.
Me: Interesting, well sirI am afraid you have previous records of murder with a spear and a shield. So sorry sir, we can not hire you.
Do not provoke me. points spear
Me: Please remove yourself from my office at once sir!
uses Grand Skyfall
Me: Mommy. :.(
HR: So, Miss I heard that you are currently interested in being a part of CIA, why?
: We are the vengeance.
HR: Um... We mainly serve for our country. About vengeance we... AH (Stabbed)
: WE ARE THE VENGEANCE.
(Soul pops out)
: Hmm, free stuff, thanks babe.
x99
"So, you plan to be a taste tester, yes?"
"....Sir?"
"Sir would you please stop looking at me like tha-AAAARRRRRGGGG!!!!"
: "OMNOMNOMNOMNOM"
"so... Mr. kong, you seem the type who would... monkey around ;D"
and I think I'm going to sue for racial profiling >:(
"... when can you start .__."
"ms. katarina. What a strange name. Anyways where do you like to go when your stressed?"
: mid.
"ummmmm... ok then. What was your biggest regret while working?"
: Giving blue to that dam teemo.
"(what?) What do you like to do when you're bored?
:pentas
"You're not eligible for this company I'm sorry ms. katarina
:(overreacts) I NEVER WANTED THIS JOB ANYWAYS I'D RATHER CLEAN NOXUS TRASH THAN WORK AT THIS DUMB
(runs out)
Couldn't resist addin another xD
Me: ahem So, you two are interested in teaching martial arts no?
Indeed
Indeed
Me: May I ask WHAT you'll be teaching these students?
Forbidden Shadow techniques
Balance
Me: Oookay? Well, you'll have to share students, is that okay?
No! I must destroy Shen!
I must restore balance by destroying Zed.
Me: Uhhh...You'll have to share students whether you like it or not you two...
stares at Shen
stares at Zed
Me: Is something the matter?
There is only one way to solve this Shen
You're already dead, you just haven't caught up yet
Me: Now wait you two! You WON'T fight in here!
destroys office fighting
: "Great!" Laughs.
Eye twitch at that laugh. "Uh... nevermind.""Alright, we're going to need to perform a drug screen before you can start."
"Uh... On second thought this job isn't for me."
LIGHTNING BOLT
"Uh...sir?"
LIGHTNING BOLT, LIGHTNING BOLT
"Excuse me, are you here for a job or-"
LIGHTNING BOLT, LIGHTNING BOLT, LIGHTNING BOOOLT!!!
"So, could you tell me about your former occupations, mister... Draven?"
"Not Draven, Draaaaven!"
"Right... so if you please?"
"Certainly. I've years of experience in show business."
"Show business, you say? Could you specify a bit?"
"Of course. There's this gladiator show I've been working on for some time. It started off as a public execution spectacle, but I like to amp things up, if you know what I mean."
"Public execution? As in beheading of ancient times?"
"Nah. My fans want an actual show. You know, a bit of juggling and taunting, building up the tension before going for the grand finale."
"Well, that sounds... gruesome. Anything else?"
"Sure. I got this prime time show I've been hosting. If you've heard about E-Sports, it revolves around one of the most successful games at that. It's gone so big, that I'm actually featured in it. Pretty sweet, huh? Worth, as we say."
"Quite. You seem like quite a celebrity. At least you smile like one. Such a feature could indeed come in handy in our business. Welcome aboard, mister Draven."
"Man, I'm good!"
Interviewer: So, its Mr. GP is it?
YAR! "Shoots interviewer and takes his gold"
Landlubber!
Interviewer: So, uh, what kind of job are you looking for?
Ehh, just death. Nothing serious.
