Hittin ya with my classic main role of dat Lag of Luigi's, Bowser Jg

So's I just finished kidnapping the enemy top laner to take back to my secret lair, when all of the sudden, Metal Gear jumps out of Solid, fires a Kamehameha, and one shots me! Now, please, you know me, I know what you're thinkin fore you even done thought it, "But Mike, all you had to do was play Peach from the get go so you could beat Kakacarrotcake with his own Sepuku spin move." That's a foregone conclusion from yeas ago. What I don't understand, is when I'm not actually even playing League, why my distillery isn't producing as much as it used to. What am I trying to ask here? You tell me Captain Shitbox, my Dog is shittin in the breadbox and my team is losing capture the flag.