How do you react?
me: don't you normally eat your victims, Cho?
: This one's from Italy, I love the taste of Italians, thought you might like to try it.
me:...um do I have a choi-
: NO! now heat up the oven!
"He was DECAPITATING DAFFODILS-"
"IT'S CALLED A BOUQUET YOU INSANE PILE OF LUMBER!"
"Oh, and I'm sure you would LOVE to receive a collection of dead human children!"
"...okay. okay, just go get the matches."
"You mean the splinters of my dead friends covered in sulfur? What are we going to do with those, burn more of my dead friends' mutilated corpses? Maybe we can even do it 'INDOORS', in your home made of neatly stacked rows of my dead friends."
"Why are WE friends, exactly?"
"...you have HBO. I need my Game of Thrones fix."
...
Me: How the fuck did you manage to kill someone?
I'm honestly as confused as you are.
:...
SirRethor:...
:...
SirRethor:...
:...
SirRethor: He didn't like 300 did he
: No he did not
: it happened again..
Dammit Lee I told you, you shouldn't be allowed to drive.
Come, we shall adorn your abode with the bones of your fallen enemies!
x.x
Me: ....alrighty then.
[Hyperventilates]
Me: Calm down. Just tell me what happened.
We were playing a fun game...
Me: Yeah...
And then we started playing some games from in the glade...
Me: Yeah....
And then he just fell asleep and I can't wake him back up ;.;
Me: ........ (OH GAWD WHAT DO I TELL HER!?)
Me: So what happened here?
: So I was walking through the jungle.
Me: Okay...
: And I came across this old man.
Me: Alright...
: So I walked up to him.
Me: And?
: And I said hello.
Me: What else did you do?
: And then I beat him 42 times with my club.
Me: Trundle That kills peoples!
Whoa! Didn't see that coming!
Me: Where is his liver Trundle?
: Wow you have me there.
Me: What did you do with his liver?
: I cooked it into a stew, and ate it with fava beans and a nice chianti.
Me: How could you do such a thing Trundle?
: I am a violent sociopath with a long history of violence. I do not understand how you keep forgetting that.
...
Me: ...
...
Me: ...
...
Me: ...
...
Me: Did you—
WE FIST-BUMPED
He fell.
He fell?
He fell.
He fell.
I pushed him.
And?
I stabbed him.
How many times?
73.
Me: Why do you keep coming here?
: Because no one else does.
Me: Fair enough.
: Shows up at door with her tuna friend in her arms.
Me: "Oh thanks, you brought dinner?"
TONIGHT!
me: yes?
WE HUNT!
me: But i have homework...
...
me: ...
maybe tomorrow then...
: Shut up and get the shovel!
Me: (Don't say a balls joke, don't say a balls joke, don't say a balls joke).... How'd he die?
: He said a balls joke, what of it?
Me: No reason....
: I need a place to put my ex.
me: sigh… fine put them with the rest.
' walks to corner of basement and puts body on pile of bones'
: Thanks, how about i show u a good time to repay u.
me: … Out.
I main both Shyvana and Leona so, I'm gonna do them both
I go to my front door when I hear a knock. Upon opening it I find Shyvana standing just outside with a dead man draped over one shoulder.
: .....
Me: Um.....what's with the dead guy?
: He tried to assassinate the prince in his sleep.
Me: Sooo.....why did you bring him here?
: I needed to workout some and thought you would enjoy a good workout as well.
Me: But why did you bring him here?
: He's your new punching bag.
Me: O_O
(20 minutes later.)
: HIT IT HARDER! I WANT TO SEE ENTRAILS FLY!
Me: T_T
A week later I answer my door as someone knocks on it.
: Embertine I am in need of your help.
I stand frozen as I see that Leona is holding a dead body in her arms.
Me: Alright just bring him in and I will deal with it. (I needed a new punching bag anyway. The other one kinda fell apart.)
: Thank you.
Together we bring the body inside and down into the cellar where I prop him up against the wall.
Me: If you don't mind me asking, what happened?
I ulted.
Me: But how did he die?
Skin cancer.
Ok.
Me: Ok?
: SCREEEEEEEEEEEE!
portal opens in my living room. Rek'Sai pops out holding a Riot employee
:grumbling and howling
Me: slowly backing away No Rek'Sai, I don't think you deserved that nerf either...
...
Me: You missed your ultimate again i'm guessing?
Yes...
Damn it Nidalee how many times have I told you that I don't want your "gifts".
[{quoted}](name=Toa of Death,realm=NA,application-id=Ir7ZrJjF,discussion-id=9EZzhaGz,comment-id=,timestamp=2015-04-15T02:46:02.299+0000)
How do you react?
me: don't you normally eat your victims, Cho?
That's awfully considerate of him to acknowledge that you probably prefer your food cooked.
:.....
me:.... just put it with the rest i guess
put this on the pile
THE PILE IS GETTING TOO LARGE
IT HAS A NICE AROMA
I DON'T LIKE THE PILE TWITCH
THE PILE STAYS
HE DIDN'T PROPERLY HOLD A PORO
HE TOOK MY GRAGGY
I Observed Him
He insulted Trist!
: ...
Me: Why do you need the body?
: ( Random music )
Me : I have no idea what you're trying to say, but I'm going to assume you keep doing this for a reason.
He kept confusing me with this girl called Harley Quinn...
me: I can see that
: What was that! raises Fishbones
me: Nothing, nothing at all slight laughter
Disappeared while watching TV
shows up
He wanted a piece of the champ
TDubH: ... it was... wait i guess he was asking for it.
Ha Ha Ha Ha
TDubH: there are more of those guys around you know
Let me at them
TDubH: turns on boxing channel
burp
Me: "Gragas, dude, you gotta' drink responsibly one of these days. This is, what, the tenth time this--"
"DON' TELL MEEEE HOW 'TA DRRRINK!!" hic
me: opens door
drops body off and walks away
me: DO YOU WANT ANTS SHACO, BECAUSE THAT'S HOW YOU GET ANTS
giggles and poofs away shouting back "why so serious?"
me: "damnit" picks up the corpse and throws it into the basement where it lands on a pile of bodies
I TRIED SO HARD TO SAVE HER BUT I WAS TOO LATE
Me: Holy crap, a unicorn!
What?
Me: Nothing... Are you holding roadkill?
I... I... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Knocks at the door.
Me: Yes?
One of his soldiers drops a mangled corpse on the front porch.
Me: Soooo. . What happe-
"AN ORDER IS GIVEN!" Slams the door in my face.
Me: Rude.
Me: I'd wake up to the sound of soft knocking at the door. Odd it's 3 AM.
Is struggling dragging a corpse by the legs, eventually letting out a sight of relief as she drops it non-nonchalantly on my front porch. Then proceeding to smile and ruffle her ears a little.
Me: Ahri. . Come on. . The fuck. Why MY house?! Bjergsen is down the god damn street, my closet is full! Use his!"
Giggles. "Oh come on, just this one last time for me, please? I'll pay you back, I promise."
Me: You said that yesterday. . .
"Don't you trust m-"
Me: NO! Slams door.
"I think I hugged him too hard..."
Me: Facepalm
Allo!
Me: Evelynn... you shouldn't bring your victims dea.... wait, is still breathing
Oh, gimmie an Hour or Two (If you know what i mean)
These "Your main does x" threads are so difficult for me, because I don't really man anyone....sigh...but if we go from who I often played in URF, well....
"Ummmm...International incident will occur if the body is found?"
"Yup."
"sigh....Alright. I'll help you."
job complete... Pay up.
Me: I think you have the wrong house...
me: Um?
: He's on holidays. He needs a place to rest, while waiting for the next passage.
me: Holidays from what? And I'm pretty sure that's more than holidays *pokes at dead body to find out advanced rigor mortis*
: He wanted to see where I spent mine, so I opened a portal for him. He was a little scared to go in, so I had an idea to make sure he wouldn't get harmed.
me: DId it involve lanterns and the colour green, by any chance?
: SHIFT AL MANI *dances away*
Me: "voil... what is this..."
"may the storm follow in your wake"
me: "WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!?!"
I'll pay you a thousand grand to hide this. We're pals, pal.
Me: When did you own $1,000?
: "Now fork over your soul."
: "I don't recall making any oaths to y-"
: "NO EXCUSES!"
Another body for the gutter
Me: why am I not surprised.....
I arrive at home from venturing out to the nightfall as I ginglerly open the door oblivious to what I'm about to witness... I entered my bathroom to only view the chain warden pose like the thinker on the toliet seat...
Me: What's going on?
I wouldn't open the shower curtain if I were you...
slides the blood splattered shower curtain exposing a hung corpse pale and disfigured the blood seems to slowly drips
Me: Thresh, you devour souls, When did you start to craving blood?
LOOK HE STOLE MY BIKE OK?! flips out for a second Anyway, I don't require this "Blood" you speak of but he does Points downward
*sits in bathtub drinking the crimson fluid from the seplecur's foot only to turn and insainly grin *
Me: I'll just leave you two alone shuts bathroom door slowly probally lost my sanity by now
