Changes that would make this game completely stupid

We spend a lot of time complaining about what Riot does to the game, but let's consider what they could do if they made us really want to hate life:

-Emotes now grant 10 gold and 50 exp at the beginning of the animation (cntrlDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD all lane) -Pings deal 25 true damage to enemies -Being executed in the enemy fountain at level 1 grants 4000 gold. In an unrelated change, level 1 jungle camps are now strong enough to require a massive leash -Minions deal 1000 true damage on hit to champions, and will automatically aggro any champion within 10 000 range -Turrets are now considered neutral objectives and will attack champions on both teams -Same goes for the fountain laser -Aggroing the dragon but failing to kill it will cause dragon to chase you across the map. Once it kills you, it will spend the rest of the game stealing your jungle camps. -Once killed, Baron will persist as a ghostly purple illusion that thrashes in the middle of the killer's screen, obscuring view of all teamfights. -All champions with a sexual dance can perform it in front of the shopkeeper for a 10% discount and 200RP

Champion Specific:

Ult can now target minions, allies, neutral monsters, and the enemy nexus. Being smaller than an enemy refreshes the duration. There is a one in six chance that any support, four minutes into the game, will become Bard. This change is permanent. Spears now have infinite range and damage ramps accordingly Ulting while in the fountain reduces cooldown by 90% Gains assists on kills on allies within his ult Stopping an ally recall steals 500g from them Voidlings no longer have a range limit. Malaz himself can no longer move ...oh wait