Can We Please Rework Nocturne?

Just in a lane, farming under the turret, minding my own business. And all of a sudden edge lord noises Here comes sonic the god damn hedgehogs meth-addicted metalhead cousin who drinks vodka out of a boot and tells us why we need to destroy society Flying at me at the speed of a Sivir ulted Kled with a rocket strapped to his back To literally one-shot me without retaliation because of his spellshield denying literally everything I could try to throw at him for a duration that is long enough for my game client to literally uninstall itself and install Dota 2 then light my fucking hard drive on fire Because the short duration is all the time he needs to fist me so hard you could drive a 97 Honda Civic into my colon and set up a backyard BBQ. "Bunch up", they cry, implying that the only counterplay to the champ at all is the team fight stage of the game which in the current meta Means that by the time you can do anything to defend yourself from a Nocturne is a point in the game where its usually already won one way or another because the damage creep is so gods damned high in the current meta that we've replaced the word Snowballing with Avalanching (Hey, you know how players are complaining about the damage being too high? Let's rework Garen to push him from relying on tank items to rushing try-force LOL. More true damage and raw DPS, that'll help the game-state, right guys? -GhostCrawler probably, let's be honest.) Tank items are actually worthless. Having a thornmail and a randuins is going to be like holding up a napkin up to the strength of a full forced hurricane simply because one person on the enemy team built a black cleaver and has Conqueror. Not that you're going to build any of that on a carry anyway (Good luck surviving with Phantom Dancer alone, the only viable anti-AD item for a carry character outside of raw lifestyle which isn't going to help against burst in the slightest.) Carries should have a window of opportunity to defend themselves in -some- capacity that doesn't involve flashing (not that flashing gets you far enough away that his movespeed doesn't re-gap-close anyway in most cases). There aren't enough wards in the universe to cover all angles of approach because his ult range is a quarter of the god damn map. Just a single button and he comes blasting in like a stepdad finding out his red-headed stepson got a D on his report card. All of his spells save for one are point and click and aren't dodgable, save for one that if you miss it you're probably so hopped up on LSD that you were aiming for your imaginary friend the non-toxic draven player behind them anyway.

Character design is poor, gameplay is unengaging and awful. If he's fed or ahead in the slightest he does what I've described above. If he's behind, he's like a water balloon kamikaze lobbed at an aircraft carrier. He's not doing shit. He's incredibly feast or famine and he's not fun to play or play against in most places. His gameplay isn't rewarding because even the hardcore Nocturne main know that there isn't a damn thing that their victim could have done in the situation where they've ulted in.

But no, throw a mini-rework on Garen that exemplifies everything wrong with the current meta in one paragraph of patch notes. Don't address the champions with actual gameplay problems in a way thats meaningful. Watch the Volibear rework turn him into a hypercarry with AD and AS scaling, three dashes, and a stun.