You are now meddler...

Remove the damage reduction on Ahri's Fox Fire (w) and bring back DFG.

As a bard main: You can now carry an unlimted amout of meeps.

Turn into Morello and nerf everything

You now have a free slot for control wards only, and you gain a free control ward at the start of the game.

All objectives on the map gain +3000 health, except Dragons who gain +500-1000 based on time.

Aery is visible all the time.

Well, if I was selfish I'd instantly revert the entire assassin update.

But....I'd probably fundamentally break every champion in the game to the point where every champ is viable.

Remove duskblade and Buff ad assassin kits to compensate.

He's probably paid more than me, so probably change my living arrangements. Or if it has to be small, the number of toppings I get on my pizzas.

(Like 99% sure balance changes require a team majority to agree on it, so he couldn't do any personal buffs/nerfs even if he wanted to.)