I love how Kalista is a hyper carry and mobile cancer

Kalista is not a hyper carry. Hyper carries don't fall off. She can hard carry if she snowballs, but that's no different than any melee carry.

So ferociously charges to a location, damaging enemies and knocking them into the air.

Kalista charges toward the target area, dealing 200/300/400 (+100% Ability Power) magic damage and knocking enemies into the air for 1.5 seconds.

[zombie-brand-mindblown]

When it really is:

Kalista teleports the Oathsworn ally to herself. They gain the ability to dash toward a position, knocking enemy champions back.

Draw Kalista's Oathsworn to her. For up to 4 seconds, the Oathsworn is untargetable but pacified.They may mouse click to fly toward target position, stopping at the first enemy champion hit, knocking all enemies in a small radius back and placing the Oathsworn at their maximum attack range from the enemy.Kalista's Oathsworn must be within 1400 units for her to cast this ability.

I'm sorry how is that a Malphite ult?! It deals NO DAMAGE AT ALL! Leveling it up only increases the knockup duration only: Knockup Duration: 1.5 / 1.75 / 2