You've been trying to improve, but I see you haven't yet learned what you're supposed to learn just yet.
It wasn't the asshole who made you say what you did. Sure, he didn't make you feel great, but lots of people will do that to you over the course of your life. The only thing you can do is control how you react to those people, and from the fact that you were punished I'd say you still need a bit more control than you have.
Is it really a waste to try and improve yourself? Is it really a waste if you end up being a better person? Ranked rewards won't improve the lives of everyone you come into contact with, and they definitely won't last a lifetime.