Just remove no-mobility burst mages
No. Seriously. Just do it. Why continue to kneecap every single one of these guys individually when your clear goal is to just completely remove them from the game? It's obvious that's what you're doing, otherwise you wouldn't be doing the idiotic crap you're currently doing.
And yeah, I noticed you gave some mobility to poor old Mordekaiser in the latest PBE update. That's adorable considering you then turned around and made his shield reliant upon him building to be a goddamn tank (going off of his health rather than AP). Like, it's perfectly crystal clear that the only people you want to have actual reliable burst and playability are your mobile champs that make the pretty pretty plays just because they jump around a few more times - no appreciation for the numerous immobile champs that need to land their goddamn SKILLshots in order to be of any use at all. Screw that Syndra 5 man stun - that shit's garbage and a complete joke. What kind of skill did that take? None, that's what. Lining up that perfect bowling ball stun is a fuckin' joke. Make sure to make it incredibly buggy and unreliable so that it hardly ever registers - that'll put some challenge in there.
And how about that Veigar stun while trying to dance around the enemy at 600 range? Like, seriously, it's like that doesn't even take any skill. I mean, Annie does virtually the same thing while also nuking ENTIRE enemy teams rather than just one poor sod, but big whoop. Take out that garbage stun. It doesn't move enough.
What, Ahri has some mobility??? REALLY!? Holy shit, there's hope yet! Let's take that and give her three times the amount she had before! Don't worry - we won't even tell people how much her MS actually increases by in her tooltip. We'll let it be a surprise that it skyrockets her MS up by over 200 flat fucking points at level 1. Why the hell would we have to tell anybody that? Pfffffft. Seriously. Grow some testicles.
Is Lux still pretty much in the dark right now? Good. Keep it that way. We can put off making her Q do 50 less base damage at max level and having her E apply a movement speed boost to friendly champs instead of slowing enemies for now. Keep working on trying to make her laser thinner and extending the chargeup time by a full second. That'll make people have to actually try to aim that skilless crap.
Are Jarvan and Janna still rocking the top of the leaderboards and pickboards? Good. Keep them up there with Lee and Zed. We gotta make sure we get all that sweet sweet income from Lolskins from people getting the two victorious skins for them. Love that money, you know.
And you know, I heard that Fiddle is having trouble early in the jungle as people tend to just super invade his blue and then laugh at him while he struggles to actually do anything. Can we do anything to him? Reduce his tether range so all those mobile champs will have a really easy time breaking out while all those champs with no mobility still get to basically suck a dick? Well, I mean, I still want him to be nerfed out of existence as he's a no-mobility scum champ - just look at him. I guess he can blink with that ult of his... ugh. Fine, we'll let him stay so long as he makes life miserable for no-mobility champs.
If you haven't gotten the hint yet, let me put it this way: FUCKIN' QUIT IT, RIOT. MOBILITY IS NOTHING BUT FLASHY BULLSHIT AND DOES NOT CONSTITUTE "BIG PLAYS". I'm honestly more goddamn impressed when somebody manages to outduel an Ahri with fuckin' Brand at this point.
