Boards›Concepts & Creations

Champion Suggestion: Larnerk The War Machine

matthewBOSS123·5/2/2015, 11:20:26 AM·1 votes·1,354 views

So, this is a champion idea I had in mind for a long time, and I wanted to share it with you guys to see your opinions about it. Sadly, I am not a good art-maker so I don't have any art or things like that for him. So, let's pass actually to the champion himself:

CLASS IN GAME AND ROLE Larnerk is a tanky fighter who, when in the face of death, heals quickly and is able to get back in battle without having to recall. His abilties will be mostly AoE. He gets scarier and stronger as his health drains down.

The next will be the lore, since I am not the best lore-creator suggestions are of course welcome.

LORE Larnerk was one of the many children that lived in poor families, in Zaun. One day, a known scientist called Viktor came to visit his family, surprising Larknerk and the rest of the family. He told them that he and other prestigious Zaunite scientists were developing a secret project and wanted some test subjects to test the project on. He promised that the person willing to be the test subject will earn many money, but he warned that the project, if not working well, could end that subject's life. Despite his mother telling him not to risk his life for money, Larnerk wanted to save his family from it's poor living standards and went with Viktor in one of the many secret Zaunite labs. He was put in a room surrounded by metal, and was tied to a chair. He was told that, whatever will happen, he must NOT move. Larnerk promised that he will not move and the project started. In the room, there were thrown a very techonological advanced suit, a weapon that looked like a spike made of glass, and a magic-enchanted staff. All of them were put by Viktor himself on the chair. Viktor left the room and he pressed a button, while watching the test subject through a panel of glass. The chair started glowing and unleashed a intense light sphere. A machinery appeared out of the metal floor and jumped in the light sphere with such force that a big BOOM was heard in the whole city. After the sphere disappeared, a child dressed in a technologically advanced war suit with a spike as the left hand and with the right hand holding a magic staff was standing in the middle of the lab. Viktor was pleased with the results. This child did not interact with anything for a day, but , after a day, became very aggressive. They put him in a cell room. Now, all Viktor was supposed to do was to convince the Zaunite leader to declare war against Piltover, use Larnerk as a war machine and steal that rune that powers Jayce's weapon. His project was completed. When he returned to the lab next day, he found it in ruins. All the scientists were dead and Larnerk was nowhere to be found. A whole Zaunite army was killed by that child. Disappointed, Viktor searched for Larnerk through whole Runeterra and found him in the League of Legends. He swore to bring him back one day in any way possible and finish his project once and for all. But, Larnerk was told that he is wanted in Zaun, did not want to return. He remained and League of Legends and was fighting for a different reason: to train himself and fight against Viktor and get his revenge for being lied by him. And he swore he will kill Viktor.

Now, that we are done with the lore and you know who he is, let's pass to the lore:

ABILITIES

Passive: Life-Stealer: Every auto-attack Larnerk lands gives him 5 points of Vitality, up to a maximum of 100 Vitality. When Larnerk drops below 30% health he consumes his stored Vitality and regains 20% of his maximum health over 10 seconds, 10 points of vitality being drained per second. If any enemy effect such as stun and root will be unleashed on him, he will become untargetable for 1 second and will stop in place. After 1 second passes, he gains 15% bonus movement speed and 20% more armor. COOLDOWN: 110 Seconds.

In my opinion, this passive will be useful when escaping some enemies right after a intense teamfight.

Q: Magic Artillery Larnerk shoots a barrage of three magic spheres from his staff, from left to right. dealing moderate Magic Damage. If he kills an enemy with this barrage, some of his Vitality storage bar is filled. If the Vitality storage is already filled, the player will be let to know that he can use the shield. In order for the shield to be activated, Larnerk must be below 50% health. DAMAGE DEALT: 40 per hit/60 per hit/80 per hit/ 100 per hit/110 per hit COOLDOWN: 6 Seconds. AoE ability.

Now, the next ability:

W: Thrill Of The Battle PASSIVE: Larnerk, when below 70% health, will have 10% more Attack Speed. ACTIVE: Larnerk spins around for 1 second, knocking the enemies around for a second. If the enemies hit any surface, they are dealt 10% more damage. DAMAGE DEALT: 60/90/125/150/175 COOLDOWN: 10 Seconds. Triggered-On-Click ability.

The next one:

E: None Will Escape Larnerk dashes in front of him, dealing magic damage around him when he stops dashing. This dash can be interrupted, but he still deals magic damage around him. After dashing, the player can quickly activate Thrill Of The Battle to deal extra damage. DAMAGE DEALT: 50/70/90/115/130 COOLDOWN: 12 Seconds. AoE ability.

And, his ultimate.

R: The True Form Larnerk transforms into a full robot. After he does it, he collects the enemies' energy by blasting them with shockwaves. He overloads as he collects their energy. When he gets fully load with energy, he causes massive and true damage around him for 1 second, because of the energy being very quick;y being unleashed onto the enemies. After that, he returns to his original form. One shockwave collects 5 energy and 150 energy is the bar he overloads and deals massive damage. If the player does not want to unleash the energy he collected, he can re-activate the ability, turning the Energy into Attack Speed. DAMAGE DEALT: PER HIT BY SHOCKWAVE: 50/70/90 DAMAGE DEALT BY THE SHOCKWAVE EXPLOSION: 250/500/650

Maybe this may sound OP, but I do not really know how to balance the champions. I am open to any other numbers that can balance the champion.

Now, time for different other things:

MISCELLANEOUS Taunts when he is walking: Nobody will escape. I will get the job done. As you say. If a whole army couldn't stop me, they won't stop me either. One day, they will pay with their lives.

Taunts towards Viktor: I will kill you again and again. You do not deserve the title of prestigious scientist.

I don't have any other taunts in my mind, for now.

LOOKS Larnerk looks somewhat similar to Forsaken Jayce: He is dressed in black and has a black hood. He is a 12 years old child. He has a mask similar to Viktor's. He has a fancy-looking Piltover-like armor partially covering has black clothes. His left hand is literally a spike made of glass which also looks fancy, and in his left hand he holds a magic staff that has a dark red rune in it's top. He has black gloves, also.

More to come in the close future, but, for now , this will be the base idea. So, what do you think about it? Is it good? Is it bad? Discussion is welcome. Thanks for checking it out :)

12 Comments

ModThe Djinn5/4/2015, 6:05:10 PM2 votes

Hey MatthewBOSS123! As requested, here's a review for you! I skipped over the lore for now, although if you want I can dive into that as well at a later time. Anyway, let's stop wasting time and dive right in.

Passive: Life-Stealer: Upon attacking a enemy, Larnerk storages some of the enemy's life in his glass-made spike. When the max. capacity of blood is touched, Larnerk will replenish his missing health with the storage of enemy blood. Keep in mind that if the passive is ready to be used and Larnerk's health is full, his passive will be activated only when he loses some Health. Also, only basic attacks fill his storage of health, not his abilities neither any other kind of attack.

So your issue here is clarity. Game mechanics should typically be written up as tooltips, and explained in detail as required. I'm not entirely sure how this ability is supposed to work. As written, it seems to have a fairly large issue that the passive triggers automatically and uses up the full healing amount, so even if you're just injured slightly you'll burn through the entire thing.

I think what you're aiming for might be best written up as a mix of Aatrox and Volibear's passives. Something like this --

Vitality Thief Every auto-attack Larnerk lands gives him X points of Vitality, up to a maximum of 100 Vitality. When Larnerk drops below 30% health he consumes his stored Vitality and regains 20% of his maximum health over 5 seconds. This healing is increased by 1% per point of Vitality Larnerk had when the ability is triggered.

Vitality falls off at a rate of Y per second after being out of combat for 5 seconds. Vitality Thief's healing has an internal cooldown of 100 seconds.

It now bounces between a better and worse Volibear passive based on the amount of Vitality you have stored. There are definitely other ways of accomplishing this that might feel less like Volibear (which would probably be a good thing), but this seemed the closest to what you originally had in mind, as it's sort of a "charge-up" healing that triggers when you need health.

Q: Magic Artillery Larnerk shoots a barrage of three magic spheres from his staff, dealing moderate Magic Damage. If he kills an enemy with this barrage, some of his health storage is filled. IF the health storage is already filled, a temporary shield will be formed around Larnerk.

It's always much easier to judge a champion when I can see cooldowns -- even if they're just rough ideas. I also have no idea if this is a skillshot or a targeted ability or an AoE ability.

I'm also not sure I like the unreliability of the shield, especially since it's hard to control the exact value of my health storage pool. It would be like Renekton having a special thing on his abilities that's only usable at 100 Fury -- it would feel pretty awful, since you'd almost never get it when you needed it.

W: Thrill Of The Battle PASSIVE: Larnerk's attack speed is raised by 10% ACTIVE: Larnerk attacks more faster and and his enemy's weak points, dealing 13% more attack damage per hit.

...does this ability scale at all? It doesn't appear to. What's the duration of the active effect?

Either way, this is a relatively boring ability, all things considered. A static +% damage boost is one of the more boring things you can add to a kit.

E: None Will Escape Larnerk dashes in front of him, dealing magic damage around him when he stops dashing. This dash can be interrupted, but he still deals magic damage around him.

Again, damage, cooldown, and AoE is important information (even if rough estimates). Either way, now that I've seen the basic abilities, this guy doesn't seem to have much going for him. He's got a rather flat kit (ranged move, damage boost, dash), no real CC, and some innate durability. I'm not sure what he's supposed to bring to the table.

R: Mortal Form Larnerk turns into a full robot (he is half human half robot), his abilities having stronger effects on the enemies. He will transform back to his human form in 15 seconds.

First off, this is a little odd, since he suddenly becomes a robot. Also odd that the ability is called MORTAL form, when he's actually becoming less mortal. Either way, it's impossible to judge this ability, since I have no idea what the "stronger effects" are. Just more damage? Does it add secondary effects? This stuff is important information.

OVERALL THOUGHTS

I'm not sure what Larnerk is supposed to bring to the game. What fantasy is he aiming to fulfill? Is he a tank or a fighter? Currently I'm not really getting a cohesive theme from him, or from his abilities, and I think the problem is that you're not sure what Larnerk is. So I'd recommend digging a bit into what you see the character as and what you want this role in the game to be, and then doing another pass or two from there.

matthewBOSS1235/2/2015, 11:55:47 AM1 votes

Huh, I am surprised nobody showed it's opinion on this champ...

LilStacey875/3/2015, 11:32:26 AM1 votes

What's up MatthewBOSS, I read the concept and it was pretty decent. I really don't know too much about Viktor so I couldn't really get into the LORE but I wanted to point out some Pros and Cons for your future Ideas or if you just want to improve this one.

Keep in mind that also just a Champion CONCEPT fan so my say so is just 100% Opinion.

Pros: -The loose LORE makes it so that you don't really have to put emphasis on certain playstyles. Meaning, your moves can be all over the place and still make sense. -Your Q and E both have lots of potiental. Three magic bolts for 1 Q is always a plus in my book. The E reminds me of LeBlancs W or Anivia's Q... where you travel a distance and do AOE damage. -The Spike of Glass is original, I think you can tweek it a bit though. But that'll come with time. -Great job adding Quotes

Cons: -I have this problem too so dont be too upset; Try to watch out for Generic lore stories when writing a story. Most of the time when you read a Champion concept it's ether about Revenge or Avenging something. A game like League tries to do the unthinkable so as a fan we gotta challenge ourselves to do the same thing. -Your W and R are also a little rusty. With him having two Magic Damage moves, it's a little confusing to throw attack speed in there since Im guessing your going to be building AP... But Hey, who's to say you cant work well with Nashor's Tooth. -Try to be a bit more detailed for the reader, how exacly does Life Drinker work, what's the ULT's empowered abilities do... etc. -Besides you Magic Artillery (which I though was creative)... try to come up with some better names for the moves. I only say this because an example would be your ULT (Mortal Form)... it doesn't really fit well because he's transforming into a robot. Robots and Mortals dont really mix.

Hope this review helps

Good luck in your future.. period :)

Auryiel5/3/2015, 5:38:25 PM1 votes

Without numbers it's pretty hard to judge the kit.

The W is pretty generic and boring. I personally am not a fan of plain steroids like this or Master Yi's ult. Take Vayne's ulti for example. I actually like it because it adds a CORE mechanic on Vayne : the stealth on Tumble. That's a steroid done right.

The R is impossible to judge because there is no detail whatsoever on how it improves the abilities.