The Juggernaut Club: Part 23

The members of the Juggernaut Club are seen climbing a mountain of some kind. Unknown to them, it's Bard's mountain, but they plan on scaling it to see if they can use it as a vangate point to try and find Shen's ninja base. They appear worn out and exhausted.

: So... let's recap... After we left Zed to his fangasm over the dumb autograph thing...

: That first village we went to had Varus there.

: Uh-huh, and he...

: ...Tried to skewer the first person he saw with his Piercing Arrow.

: Yup!

An arrow is seen sticking out of the front of Darius' armor plate. He pulls it out and throws it on the ground.

: Thank goodness I had my armor on.

: Then, we tried that Vastayan village...

: And?

Pointed feathers are seen stuck in Udyr's coat.

: My attire was seen as offensive and they sicced Xayah and Rakan on us.

: Someone there was also able to understand Draven's mumblings and they took offense when he referred to them as Yordles.

: I've never seen so many feathers getting plucked and thrown.

: Now, we just got kicked out of that last one, thanks to Lee Sin.

Each member of the club rubs their posterior, where a visible boot-mark can be seen.

: If Shen isn't on this mountain, I don't know WHERE he could be.

They seem to be nearing the top, by the coldness of the air and the brightness of the stars.

Finally, they reach the top. The sight that greets them has them in awe.

Everyone: Awww....

I SAID AWE! A! W! E! A feeling of reverential respect mixed with fear or wonder!

Everyone: Ooh... Ahh...

Close enough.

Seated at a table are Bard and Soraka, drinking tea, with Bard's meeps acting as waiters.

Bard sees them, and starts speaking in his usual incomprehensible noises.

: Bard Noises

: What?

: I don't know what he said.

: Don't ask me. I can only understand Nagakabouros-speak.

: Muffled sounds of confusion

: No, he's NOT a Yordle, Draven!

Soraka rolls her eyes at them, and starts to speak.

: What, pray tell, brings the Juggernaut Club into our lowly presence?

: _ Questioning Bard Noises_

: I know that's what you just asked. I'm acting as a translator.

: Bard Noises. As he says this, he points at the Juggernaut Club members and shrugs his shoulders. Soraka runs a hand over her face.

: Hello!? They are NOT celestials like WE are, Bardy-boy. They kind of can't understand a word you're saying!

: Bard Noises

: Well, MAYBE if you'd taken the time to do what I did, take a "Mortal-Language" course before leaving the heavens, then maybe I wouldn't have to translate for you!

: Angry Bard Noises

: WHAT'D YOU SAY ABOUT MY FAUN FEET, YOU ZHONYA'S WANNABE!?

The Juggernaut Club just watch in silence as Bard and Soraka argue. They then turn around to try and see if the peak really will work as a vantage point.

: So... can anyone see down onto the island from up here?

They all try to look down, but the cloud-cover surrounding the peak of the mountain prevents them from seeing below.

: Nope.

: Can't see a thing.

: I can't either.

: All that climbing gone to waste too...

: Bard Noises

: Hey! Look at someone when they're talking to you!

The Juggernaut Club turns back towards Bard and Soraka.

: I'll give it to you straight. We're here to try and see if we can use the mountain as a vantage point and finally find where Shen is hiding so he can heal Draven!

: Mocking Bard Noises

Bard makes a hand-puppet out of one of his Meeps, and starts having it mouth like it was mockingly repeating after Darius.

: Hey! If he says he's telling the truth, what have we to say he's lying, Bard?

: More Mocking Bard Noises

He then points at Soraka.

: Whaddya mean I have to heal him!? What happened to that Shrine you put down a few minutes ago!?

: Bard Noises

: I did NOT step on it!

: Accusatory Bard Noises

: Did not!

A back-and-forth starts between them, similar to a 'Did-Not, 'Did-Too' argument between two children. Nasus leans over to Darius.

: Soo, do YOU understand what's going on between them?

: Nope. Just as clueless as everyone else. The only thing I got out of it is... apparently they're going to heal Draven since we can't seem to find Shen anywhere.

: Muffled noises that sound similar to "Hooray!"

Darius grabs Draven by the cheeks and forces him to look him in the eyes.

: If I hadn't sworn on Mother and Father's graves that I wouldn't kill you, we wouldn't be doing this right now. So you had BETTER BEHAVE YOURSELF after this, GOT IT!?

Other Club Members: DARN RIGHT!

Draven quickly nods his head yes repeatedly.

The back-and-forth between Soraka and Bard seems to be coming to an end. Soraka throws up her hands in exasperation.

: FINE, I'LL DO IT! I swear, you are the most STUBBORN Celestial I've EVER met!

: Bard Noises that resemble "Try looking in a mirror sometime".

Soraka pulls out her staff, and waves it over Draven (And Volibear, since he's carrying Draven still). A few moments pass...

: Did it work?

: Give it a second.

Draven then slides off Volibear's back and stands up straight. He rips off the Black Mist over his lips.

: DRAVEN'S BACK, BABY! YAHOO!

Darius smiles evilly, and looks at Trundle and nods. Trundle smiles in a similar fashion, and comes up behind Draven. He raises up his club and...

Something like a chorus of voices are heard saying something, causing them all to stop, and to turn and look back down towards the ground-level of the island-nation.

: Hey, did anyone hear that?

: Yeah, and it sounds like it's getting closer...

The sound becomes a bit clearer, it sounds like voices saying "Balance" repeatedly.

: And it sounds an awful lot like-

: Bard Noises

Bard snaps his fingers, causing the cloud-cover to peel away like a canopy, revealing...

A HUGE ARMY OF MADDENED IONIANS GATHERED AT THE BASE OF THE MOUNTAIN! This includes the people of Varus' village, Lee Sin's, and the Vastayans, all having joined up with Karma, Irelia's and Master Yi's Group which has also grown immensely!

Marching at the head of them are Shen, Akali and Kennen, all smiling very maliciously, though one can't tell because of their masks.

: Now, we have cornered them at Meep Mountain!

: There is nowhere to run!

: PREPARE TO BE "BALANCED!"

: Freaked-Out Bard Noises

: WELL, DON'T ASK ME! I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY GOT ALL CRAZED!

Bard quickly creates a portal using his E, and points at the Juggernaut Club members, then at the portal.

: Wait, he's saying we have to go through THAT!?

: IF YOU WANT TO LIVE, YES!

: Draven wants to live, Draven wants to live! Cannonball!

Draven runs up and jumps through the portal.

: No! Arrgggh, AFTER HIM!

The members of the Club quickly go through the portal to try and stop Draven from causing any more trouble wherever he lands at.

To Be Continued...