Sett's Welcoming to Top Lane

: Look out! There's a new Boss 'Round Here- huh?

Darius approaches Sett and gives him a hearty handshake.

: Welcome to Top Lane! It's time for your orientation!

Shen comes up and hands Sett a Doran's Shield he has Jerry-rigged to be an umbrella-like contraption

: Here, you'll want one of these.

: I don't want no shield! I'm here to punch people in the face!

: What's all the yelling about- Oh, it's the new guy.

: You my opponent? Well, your face had better get ready to meet my fist-

Jax suddenly gets a Silver-Bolt jammed through the side of his head, shocking Sett, but Jax seems completely unfazed. (Visualize something like the "Arrow through a Cowboy Hat Costume")

: What the?! Where'd THAT come from?

: Oh, that? It's just the-

Sett doesn't listen however, and looks, and across the way, he sees a Vayne tumbling and shooting.

: Fighting from a DISTANCE?! That'd never fly in my pits!

: You got a lot to learn, newbie- hmm?

Shen taps Darius on the shoulder.

: Sorry to interrupt. Looks like a spot of rain.

: Oh, you're right. Holds up his Doran's Umbrella

All around them, silver bolts, crossbow bolts, Twin Fangs, magic runes and all sorts of other ranged means of attack start falling all around them like raindrops.

: What is this!? I thought Top lane was where people fought up close and personal!

: Those were the old days, newbie. Smiles wistfully as he recalls previous seasons

Ornn approaches them.

: Hrrm, yes. Times have changed since then.

: Yeah, now it's all about being-

However, Jax is cut off when an frustrated scream erupts, and everyone looks.

: JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED!

Garen activates his Q, running at the Vayne. She points at him like from "Invasion of the Body Snatchers"

: Banshee-like Screech

Out of the brush comes every Jungler in the book, and they bash and push back Garen until the Vayne stops screeching, and then she resumes farming.

Walking back around behind his Tower, Garen assumes the fetal position and starts crying.

: Sobbing

: Poor guy. Still seems to think Top's meant for Melees.

Ornn walks off, as do Darius, Shen and Jax, who still has the silver Bolt jammed in the side of his head to join Garen in hiding underneath the turret from the downpour of Ranged attacks. With a displeased expression, Sett promptly raises his Doran's Umbrella as he takes his place.

: This sucks.

Other Melee Champs: WE KNOW!