Teemo's Advocate: Yasuo

AN: According to the mods, it looks like Teemo's Advocate's new home is the Concepts and Creations boards, so check there for future updates!

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LjBPcQHy2wc/U5q6UowKV1I/AAAAAAAARog/hSAIxfwgqhs/s1600/Draven_Splash_3.jpg

Heeelloooo! Welcome back to another exciting episode of Teemo's Advocate! We're still riding on rave reviews, and it's all in the Draven. Can you all at home believe the producer was thinking of making Janna the host? Can you imagine? That windy woman might look good in a suit, but her face is boring enough to be on the news! It's why she landed the job! Laughs as he leans back in his seat. I can only imagine what she's up to now.

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--And that's our weather for the rest of the week! Now back to our new anchorman, Nautilus!

Bewaaaaare the depths.

Um... Yes! That's just a friendly reminder that the rainstorms coming this week are capable of flooding! Thank you for reminding me Nautilus! Now tell the viewers at home what's going on in the Institute!

Alllll willl drooown.

Nervous laugh. Erm, what he means is that everybody is drowning in... Feelings of Awww! Yes, as the institute just unveiled a new skin for Kog'Maw! It's a cute puppy! What do you think about it Nautilus?

Left to die.

O_O

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Oh well, who cares, it's not Draven after all. Now then, our next contestant is a pretty infamous one. He's been on the producer's eye for quite a while. Since the show's very inception the producer has wanted this warrior of the wind to face the trails of the Balance Team. Well after an enormous amount of requests, we finally got a hold of him and got him booked! He's here today! Give it up for the Unforgiven, the Warrior of the Winds, the Murderer of his Elder, Yasuo!

Several white slashes appear across the contestant's booth, and a large gust of wind sweeps through the stage. The dust clears to show Yasuo in the booth.

Sheaths sword partway, but leaves it out a sliver. For the last time, I didn't kill my elder. Pulls out a bottle of whiskey and gulps down a few mouthfuls.

What an impressive entrance Yasuo! Just a little more practice and you can make an entrance like me! Um... Sees Yasuo leaning on the booth. Didn't you just slice through it several times?

Yes, but I didn't sheath my sword completely, so it won't fall apart.

How does that even... Never mind. Draven just wants to know if you know how to play Teemo's Advocate.

In fact I do. I watched Zed and Rengar get thrashed and humilated before a cheering crowd. Swirls around bottle. I wasn't aware the Institute approved of this kind of treatment of its champions. But they're the strong ones, so it's okay right? Never mind how they feel about any of this. Me? I'm one of the greatest swordsmen in Runeterra, but summoners and champions alike treat me like dirt. I try my very best to clear my name, use all the skills available to me to fight my enemies, but I get called terrible names for it. I guess I can't do anything about it, but I'd like to remind these people that I have a heart. And emotions. Every day is already a dark spiral of drinking myself unconscious, why not shove me further down?

Wow. That was beautiful. Turns to crowd. Okay who wants to get this show on the road?

Hangs head as crowd cheers wildly. Mutters, No cure for fools.

Our first judge is a stone mage from the Controller Class! Our youngest member of the Institute, but this little lady has had a rocky past. Give it up for Taliyah!

Curtain raises to Taliyah blowing her nose with some tissue. Wipes tears from eyes. That was so touching. Looks down at herself, flushes with embarrassment now that the curtain is up. Oh wow, I'm a mess. Waves to crowd, forcing a smile. Hello everyone! This is going to be a... Eyes dart down to notes written on her sleeve. Rock Solid night! Rapidly sits down due to the few groans coming from the crowd, turns quickly back to the stage. Buries her head in her arms.

Grins. Aw, she's just a little shy, probably her first time on TV! Come on and give her some encouragement!

Looks up gratefully as crowd cheers.

Well, hopefully our next judge won't be on such shaky ground! Laughs to groans from the audience. Our next Judge is from the Fighter Class! The Master of Metal! Mr. Numero Uno! A new Fiance! The Dealer of Torment! The Lord of Death! Give it up for Mordekaiser!

Curtain raises to reveal Mordekaiser standing on the table, strumming up the riff from Lightbringer, to the enthralled screams of the crowd. Finishing, he slams his guitar through the floor, smashing it to pieces. He picks up Nightfall next to his seat and sits down. Greetings Executioner. It will feel good to be able to deal some suffering, even through this diluted avenue.

Aww man Morde, I love that song! You think you can hook a guy up?

I'll see what I can do.

Alright, on to our next contestant. From the Mage Class, she's a feisty fox, and a real charmer! Give it up for Ahri!

Curtain lifts to reveal Ahri sitting, with her legs crossed to the enjoyment of most of the male audience. Pleasure to be here Draven. I don't know about you, but I have been looking forward to this ever since the show was announced.

Sitting here as a judge or Yasuo being the Teemo?

Eyes narrow to slits. Voice lowers with anticipation. Yes.

Glad to see the enthusiasm. Moving on. Representing the Marksmen we have the literal scum of Zaun, a real rat, literally and figuratively, Twitch!

Curtain rises to show Twitch examining something on his arm. Hmm, this looks a little dead. Shoves arm in Ahri's face. Hey! Fox! Does this boil look dead?

EYAHH! Shoves chair away from Twitch and hugs legs and tails tightly to her body. GET THAT DISGUSTING THING AWAY FROM ME!

Shrugs. I'll never understand these people. Pulls out an arrow from his crossbow and starts poking it with the tip.

Okay!!! Get that camera back here before we all get sick! Ahem, now that he's here we can go on to our representative from the Tanks!

Off camera. Ooh, there it is. Turns out it was alive after all. Hmm. Not red like I expected. Audience reacts in disgust.

Audibly gags.

That's not right.

What is it! Struggles to look around Morde. I can't see! What's going on!

Stares blankly off camera. Turns green for a second and just barely swallows down his lunch. Okay, time for the final judge! A Warrior of the Sun! A Vanguard of the Dawn! Give it up for Leona!

Curtain rises to show a disgusted Leona looking at Twitch. She turns her gaze to see the curtain raised and quickly stands up to the now cheering crowd. Hello! Hello! Praise to the Sun! A water bottle flies at her from the crowd and hits her in the face. Quickly recovering, she scans the crowd in anger, stopping to see Diana and Vladimir among the crowd.

Smirks and lifts up another bottle.

Growls and turns back to Draven. Glad to be here. She forces her anger down.

Woah Oh, looks like the rivalry between you two just reached another level!

Believe it or not, it actually went down a peg.

Really? How so?

Normally she would throw a moonstone at my face.

Oh. Well then I was expecting her to--

Don't even think about making that joke.

Well now let's move on! Now's the time for your initial complaints against Mr. Windman.

He's easy to beat. The only problem is that my carries keep walking into his tornado. By then I can't do much.

He's terrible! Impossible to beat! I keep walking into his tornado and then he nukes me! My useless support doesn't do a thing!

He denies me the ability to enjoy myself on the rift. He is a toxic champion and is good at too many things. He deserves to be gutted.

He is a test of skill. Unfortunately for anyone who fights him, his expression of skill is lost behind the boatloads of damage he does. He does more damage than I do. Me! And he gets to be tanky!

Master Yasuo is a great teacher, and a powerful warrior! It isn't fair how he gets mistreated and spit on by people who just don't understand him! He wants to do good, we should let him!

The other judges look at her.

Draven, I'm calling for replacing Taliyah.

W-What? Why?

Clearly she is biased towards Yasuo, and won't give fair analyses of his broken kit.

But aren't you all biased against him?

It's our experience dear, nobody with any sort of intelligence or common sense will say that he is fair. All that stuff you said isn't worth anything in a purely objective setting to see if a champion is fair.

But what about you? You're so safe in lane.

Sighs. Now you're just trying to change the subject. Draven, she calls him "Master" for gods' sake, once again I call for---

Sorry Ahri, rules state that once a judge is selected and sits at the table, they cannot be replaced.

Sticks tongue out at Ahri.

Now let's get this party started!

http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/leagueoflegends/images/e/e5/Steel_Tempest.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/64?cb=20170217062712 #Ability One: Steel Tempest

Alright folks, this is essentially a second auto attack. It can crit, apply on hit effects, and it's AOE. Hit an enemy and Yasuo gets a stack of Gathering Storm. At 3 stacks he can throw out a tornado. It consumes all the stacks and it travels 900 units, knocking up all enemies in its path. This is also treated as an auto and can crit. It has a 100% AD ratio and respectable base damage, scaling from 20 to 100 base damage. 4 second static cooldown. Yas, you start.

This is my only tool to trade in lane. It's melee range and none of my other spells deal significant damage. It has a cast time, so the quick can dodge it. The ones who are truly alert will be able to dodge this spell easily.

It's got all the weaknesses of an auto attack, but it's dodgeable. Not to mention he has to get close to use it, which means I can easily lock him down. I've got no complaints.

Oh please, that skill does too much damage. Not only is that thing AOE, but it can also crit, which means that you can crit five people in a row with that thing. Who else does that much AOE damage? Azir once did, and look where he is? It wouldn't hurt Yasuo to touch the trash tier for a patch!

Oh look who's talking. The fox that deals AOE true damage on a basic ability AND who speeds up from it.

Don't swing this back on me! I need that spell to farm! Gods know I can't auto them! You'll just jump to me and start shredding me! Besides, my Orb of Deception actually costs something, you can't expect to deal that much damage on a spell that has no cost!

Oh really? I wasn't aware my Q instantly killed people on impact. My Q doesn't make me move faster to chase or kite. But for some reason it's okay on you because you're a mage.

I'm a squishy mage! I actually need to avoid people. I can't just dive into the enemy mindlessly and walk out with a pentakill!

I'm squishy as well, and with everyone trying to kill you, that penta isn't as easy to get as it looks.

Don't make me laugh! The guy with a free shield doesn't get to be called squishy!

You mean the one that is broken by an auto attack?

That's the only fair thing about the ability.

Now now, let's stick to his Q! We can talk about the shield if we get to the passive!

Explain the easily accessible hard CC. Those Q cast times seem long, but lategame they come out fast enough to artificially raise your attack speed to the cap. Then the tornadoes come out quickly!

I'm a late game carry, it's what I'm supposed to do. Excuse me for pulling off hard CC after a delay and two prepping spellcasts while literally everyone else gets to stun people with a single spell cast. Or in some people's case, turns to Ahri, stuns AND forces them to walk towards her.

It's a skillshot with a giant hitbox. At least minions can bodyblock that, unlike your Q. Also my spell has an actual cooldown and cost!

Does anyone else remember the insane AOE damage that guy does? Long range autoes that crit? Haha! Crazy!

Are you serious?

Of course I'm serious.

At least I have to walk into danger and kill people up close, unlike you and every other marksman who kill from a distance and call it skill. You're one of the worst offenders. You just turn on your ult and shred entire teams at once.

Oh yeah? Well... Um... You know you're right.

Facepalms. Twitch, your skill is an ultimate. What he does is on a basic ability.

Oh yeah, HA! Take that!

Yasuo's right. His Q is his only damage ability! Why should we gut it? What is he going to do in lane without it? Get bullied all game? Never scale? Become useless in teamfights?

How about become balanced?

You wouldn't know balance if it bit you in the tails.

Growls.

Alright folks, time to vote!

It's fine for what it does. The tornado is incredibly telegraphed. If I can dodge it than only idiots or outplayed chumps get caught by it.

I've said my piece. Yasuo deserves something.

The spell is too strong for what it does. Plus it's free.

Those tornadoes keep catching me! I try to dodge but the hitbox is too big! I can't dodge lane-sized tornadoes!

He's broken. Plain and simple. This is the first step to making him not delete teamfights he participates in.

Unfortunate, but expected. Looks like you're starting with a "Gut" Yasuo!

Knew this was coming. Like I knew I'd wake up with a headache and a day somehow more miserable than the last.

http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/leagueoflegends/images/6/61/Wind_Wall.png/revision/latest?cb=20131122024151 #Ability Two: Wind Wall

Slams , but it's unresponsive.

Sorry Ahri, new rules introduced in episode 2. Votes can't be cast until the Teemo gets a chance to defend his kit. Speaking of which, hey Yasuo, do you want to call in an Advocate?

...

What?

Define an Advocate.

Ah, an Advocate is the Teemo's usual companion or friend, they will---Oh.

Exactly. My only friend is sitting there. Points to Taliyah.

So he admits it! I knew Yasuo would try something dirty to fix the votes!

Yes, I had Taliyah fix the votes so that my first ability got Gutted.

If I can describe the ability now... This is a wall that Yasuo can create that lasts 4 seconds, blocking all projectiles save Turret Attacks. It has a cooldown from 24 to 18 seconds, and it gets wider as he levels up the ability.

As you know, ranged champions have an intrinsic advantage over melee champions in lane. They oppress us with ranged abilities and deny us the ability to farm safely. Naturally I developed an ability to fight back against these lane tyrants, for a precious 4 seconds I can breathe. But spoiled ranged champions want their cake and to eat it as well, and naturally throw a fit if I can deny their advantaged damage for 4 measly seconds.

That is not true! Let me tell you what that spell really does: It takes away the ability of a mage or anyone else to fight back. Most other champions want the lane to be even, to be able to dodge or mitigate damage from the enemy, it's called outplaying. But him points to Yasuo. What he wants isn't to breathe, it's to stop me from breathing, and I can't do a thing to stop him, because it all gets eaten up by his stupid windwall. He lazily throws up his windwall and I can't do anything, I can't even farm if he doesn't want me to. And the fact that he think this is fair is... breath catches Astounding. And the fact that he thinks this is fair, healthy gameplay, is shocking. This is oppressive, unfair, and tears up slightly it is so frustrating to deal with. I don't want my ability to play on the Rift be denied by this samurai that thinks that throwing up a windwall and becoming untouchable for 4 seconds is "skillful" or "outplaying". I just don't. I hope you understand. Dries eyes with one of her tails.

Oh brother...

That's not true! It's not oppressive! It's called playing around it!

Holds up hand to silence Taliyah. Looks hard at Ahri. I wasn't aware that my windwall taunted you and forced you to throw all your spells at me. Have you tried waiting the full 4 seconds? I promise you it isn't hard. But then again you mages aren't used to your victims surviving for more than 4 seconds, so I may be wrong in saying you're capable of it.

Draven, he's oppressing me in this very booth! Starts to tear up again. I can't say a word against him or else I'll get hounded with insults and jeers by him. He calls me unskilled and ultra powerful as he takes away my power and my say in a trade with a single move. I will stay strong and protest this toxic ability, but he will tell you whatever he has to in order to preserve this terrible ability!

It's honestly useless against people like me.

I can't kill tons of people with him around!

Alright, time to vote!

Yasuo doesn't deserve to be oppressed in lane without a way to fight back!

We don't deserve to be oppressed in lane without a way to fight back!

I don't care either, but it does ruin my engages. It's too strong against one class and too useless against another. This ability just isn't designed well.

He ruins all my abilities and I can't hit him!

Looks like you're on shaky ground Yasuo! One more "Gut" and you're getting Teemoed!

Sighs and takes another swig of whiskey.

{{summoner:33}} {{summoner:33}}

http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/leagueoflegends/images/f/f8/Sweeping_Blade.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/64?cb=20170217062714 #Ability Three: Sweeping Blade

Alright, on to his E, Sweeping Blade. This is a targeted dash that scales on his bonus movement speed and has a fixed distance. Additionally, while the cooldown is about half of a second, he can't dash to the same target for a while. This time scales from 10 to 6 seconds based on rank. It deals magic damage and it scales on 60% AP and 20% bonus AD. Additionally each dash increases the next dash's base damage by 25%, but only up to 50% bonus damage.

It has an AP ratio? Anyway, It's my mobility spell. In case none of you noticed it is targeted, meaning I cannot in fact go wherever I want. It has a high cooldown on the same target and the damage is negligible, especially after the council nerfed it. It is how I can dodge damage instead of having to eat it to the face.

He needs it. How else is he going to lane? It's low damage and he can only travel on enemies with it. It's not an unlimited dash like Riven's.

Nobody said she was balanced. And anyway, this is another oppressive spell. You say this doesn't deal damage. But getting the base damage boosted by a whole 50% is pretty stupid. Besides it makes trading against you impossible with that stupid windwall. You dash across MY minions, throw up a windwall so I can't fight back, auto and Q me to chunk me for half of my health, and then dash your happy self back to safety while the wall is still up. You deal so much damage but you're impossible to run from. Gods forbid I want to escape your bloodlust, I run back to tower but you overtake me and kill me. You insane mobility is ridiculous combined with your damage and kit denial.

Eh, CC stops him in his tracks. I got plenty of it.

His puny dashes only get him closer to me.

What the fox said! I can't even stand in lane with a fed Yasuo, he'll fly down my minions and kill me in a second! How is that fair?!

First of all, you and your three unidirectional dashes need to shut up. Looks to Twitch. As for you, have you tried escaping through literally any route besides your lane? Try the jungle. If you noticed my "ridiculous damage" is useless at dragon or at Baron, and you'll find I'm a lot easier to hit.

But then you throw up a windwall.

Wait four seconds and then I'm suddenly vulnerable.

My team dies in four seconds thanks to you!

It's your own fault for sticking around when I clearly have my windwall up.

This is unbelievable. You are toxic to this game and you refuse to admit it.

I'll admit it when you do, nine tailed @#$%.

Knew that was coming.

Stands up in anger. Do you want to do this now?

I would, but my very presence makes you weak, so I guess I win by default.

Okay! I think it's time to vote!

.

I have serious problems existing when you are around...

Please, listen to reason! You all are acting like he's Teemo!

... I hate to admit it but I honestly can't stand this ability. For different reasons than you think, Yasuo. I can't hit you with skillshots to be sure, but my main problem is that you use this low cooldown dash to get away with too many things in lane. You can let the opponent push up then move in to chunk them. Any jungler or support ganks and you're just flying back under your tower. Just because your application of this skill is limited, it doesn't mean you get to have a low cooldown dash whenever you're in lane. Because you can easily snowball and then the lack of mobility near objectives just doesn't matter.

{{summoner:33}} {{summoner:33}}

Well, I honestly think we all saw this coming. Yasuo, you're getting Teemoed!

Nooo! You can't! It's inhumane!

Raises a hand. It's okay Taliyah. You and I both knew this was coming.

But Master Yasuo, why do they hate you so much?

Sighs. I suppose the best way to say this is that I force my opponents to play differently than they normally would, build differently, and I break the meta in terms of the ranged/melee dynamic. Many hate change, but it is like the wind. You can't stop it.

Slight whooshing sound, dart flies towards Yasuo's neck, but stops cold against the tight barrier of wind just above his skin. It falls to the floor with clatter.

Immediately throws up a windwall to block the stream of darts that fly out of seemingly nowhere. Sheaths his sword completely and runs backstage. As he leaves the booth crumbles into pieces.

Well, this was certainly a first. Looks like Yasuo dodged a bullet there. Sees the pieces of the booth move as if something pushed them. Also sees the small footprints being made in the dust thrown up by the windwall, headed towards backstage. Or perhaps he's just delaying the inevitable. Either way that's all the time we have for today! And now a word from our sponsors! Draven, because you're worth me.

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Phew, that took longer to write than I thought. Anyway I hope you enjoyed it and I'm adding this section to ask a question. Who was your favorite judge? If they get enough votes they get to reappear in the next episode! And remember, if you want a champ here, simply request them in the comments!

P.S. For all your story, fanfic, hilarious skit, and poem needs, be sure to check out my discussion page to make sure you never miss a single one! There may be some digging required for the older ones, but it should be easier to find them because I'm no longer planning on making any threads that are not one of the previously mentioned creations.

Updated list here of future contestants, from left to right.