I wish there were meaningful words I could say that would help you. I wish I knew how to make things okay again for you. I feel like I should. It's been two years since my own mother died, so you'd think I'd have some pretty awesome words of wisdom or something.
But there aren't words. There's nothing I - or anyone - can do. Grief and loss are so completely unique and personal that no one's experiences can ever truly be meaningful or helpful to you. So you have my sympathy, and an open ear if you need to commiserate about it.
The only other thing I can offer is a look at what helped me. My next semester in school, I chose to take a course on grief, because I felt like I needed help understanding how to approach the situation. I wound up being unable to complete the course, so I tried again the next semester. I mention this because the coursework and required reading changed between those two semesters. And more than anything else, the books I read for those courses have been of immense help in my growth into this new life. If there's anything I can offer that I think might actually be able to help you, it's these books.
I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye by Pamela Blair and Brook Noel
The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
I hope they help. And feel free to add me in game if you need someone to talk to about anything. Or if you want someone to not talk about it with. Just remember you're not alone.
(Hugs)
