My Ranked Curse (A Short Story)

Let me start with being blunt. I have a curse. It is one that haunts me through ever ranked game. This curse has been carried with me since the start of this season and I don't know what to do to get rid of it (Help with that can be left in the comments). Last season I was put into silver 4 after provisionals and didn't play on ranked too often after that in season 3. Now after the season 4 provisionals I was placed in Bronze 1. I've wondered if these occurrences are just things that happen in Bronze regularly, I wouldn't know.

My curse is simple: I can never have a normal ranked game. Ever. Like... Ever. All the ranked games I've been in this season have had something.. astray. Here are some examples: MF calls jungle, eat dinner for the first 20 minutes of the game. Teemo call mid but decides to duo top once he is in game. Because my team in 'immature' and won't allow a duo top without a mid, he bodywards river the whole game. (sort of useful but caused us to lose) It is a 4v5 or less. (this is the case 75% of the time, and only twice has it been 5v4) Heimerdinger solobot, or feed. Support demands to support the Katarina in the middle lane.

At the start of every ranked game I let my team know that I have this curse. Sometimes they don't take me seriously, but other times the teemo has already made his way to the river to bodyward.

I don't seek pity or anything, I would just like to relate to others. Are all games like this??? If there a way to get out of this?

Currently this is preventing me from digging my way out of bronze. I laugh at it pretty frequently, because it is a nonstop horror.

Do anyone else have a curse like this? Are there any funny things that happen to you in ranked?