The Melledoneus Rant.
Melledoneus is an evil, conniving necromancer who uses his muscular ninja fetish to brainwash the good people of the Boards and overthrow Marc Merill and take over Riot Games, then to buff Shen to become the strongest champion in the game. If you ever see him do any of these, beware! He is attempting to brainwash you.
#1. Post gifs with captions. Sometimes he will post things from things like Samurai Jaque, The Board Room, or other animated manga. But most of the time he will post gifs from JayJay's Weird Journey, especially about the main character Deo and how angwry he is. Be careful especially, since he tries the most to use the gif where that red-haired guy called Kak-yo-ween licks a red apricot. This is the most potent of his gifs and most people will find themselves mesmerized, dreaming about it for the rest of their lives.
#2. Do scenarios with champions doing weird stuff. Melledoneus is known for his ability to gather upvotes with minimal effort. Hell, he even had a post titled "Quick, guys, give me upvotes" and he got 200 of them. But his most infamous posts are the ones where he posts scenarios with icons of champions like this:
Hi am star dargon
U star dargon?
yes am star dargon
I drunk bird
Surprise I'm relevant
These may be tempting to read because of the colors, but don't. They're utter crap quality and are meant to melt your pre-frontal cortex so you can no longer tie your shoes, which triggers a reaction to upvote his post.
#3. Talk about his Shenpie. Melledoneus has an obsession with Shen and his pies. Do not inquire him about Shen or his pies. I don't even think Shen bakes pies. Regardless, this is some hidden strategy I have yet to uncover the purpose of, but I'm sure it's malicious in its own right. If he talks about his obsession with Shen, remember this: Melledoneus used to be a Zed main. He will try to deny it, but this is by far your greatest weapon against Shen and his pies. ######I bet his pies taste like shit, mine are better.
#4. Conspire with other big name corporations evil corporations
Melledoneus is about sucking the power and life from people. That being said, he plays nice with big names so he can steal their upvotes and feed his insatiable hunger and make his dark magic stronger. So Malicious Metallics, Chortling Halibuts, Seas of Bloody Mary, etc. are all being deceived by Melledoneus. Whenever you see him making buddy buddy with them, warn them in all caps so they can see it. We must spread the word!
#5. Talking about gameplay. Melledoneus will try to also get upvotes by talking about things he thinks are wrong with the game. In order to defeat him, gather a group of 15 of your friends (if you are like me and don't have friends, gather a bunch of random people) and bronze-shame him. He will be triggered so hard the gun will fire immediately. Melledoneus may be a powerful necromancer, but he still has a temper. Also, if he tries to use dark magicks like "logic," "facts," and "reasoning," (these are all some sort of dark eldritch language, I might have gotten the spelling wrong) use the power of rank to assert your superiority. If you are not a high rank, find a Diamond player on LoLking who matches your champion preference and state that is your main account and this is a smurf. You have to fight dirty to defeat the greatest of foes.
#6. Bringing back dead memes. This is when Melledoneus utilizes his greatest powers of necromancy: to bring back dead memes. He can summon armies, legions of dead memes to his side to farm upvotes for him. We may be outnumbered, but the power of anti-weeb spray and Western pride will save us from his ninja-based fetish expedition. Do your best to downvote these posts, even if it requires multiple accounts. Gather some friends (or gang members) and report the post for being in the wrong sub-section. The mods are your guardians, and they will smite down his dead memes so that they return back to the ground in which they came. Be careful not to get scratched or bitten, though, or you will turn into one of his followers. This is truly a fate worse than death.
Melledoneus is a powerful magician, necromancer, and ninja-lover who is plotting to take down Rico Games along with Riot Trondomar AKA Marc Zuckerberg, and must be stopped. Do not fall under his spell or else you will doom us all.
Thank you, and beware the Melledoneus!
