If you are Bronze, Silver, Gold or Plat you might want to read this.

Alright kids, after getting the umpteenth S+ and getting cucked in the ass because some of you fuckers decided to have fun and go play a ranked just to kill some time, i decided to guide this COMPACT and RELIABLE guide to exit bronze and reach plat in the shortest time possible, and possibly don't fuck with people that are trying to leave your idiot asses behind so they can finally have some fun playing with responsive human beings.

Everyone's ready, let's get started then! :))))

• After level 7, you unlock, trough itemization or champion kit, what is called "WAVECLEAR" waveclear not only allows you arthritic monkeys to finally get some cs so you can stop crying about ks, but also allows you to -Pressure the map -Kill the turret -Stop fighting a champion you might or might not be losing against -Avoid that said champion goes around the map and fucks everything in his path while you cry like a little bitch about your team dying

The key to win the game is TO KILL THE FUCKING NEXUS, HELLO THIS IS NOT CALL OF DUTY i hope this is clear for you guys, in case it might be a little shady. To achieve this objective you must kill the turrets first: you kill the champions to kill the turret, not the other way around, you kill the champion only because you want to stop him from defending his resources that are things such as

-Their turret -Their farm -Their buffs -Their dragon or other champions

• IF YOU LOSE YOUR GODDAMN LANE Instead of spamming pings and reaching 800 apm typing in chat about how useless your noob jungler™ is, what do you do? YOU ITEMIZE FOR WAVECLEAR, you push the wave AT LEAST PAST THE RIVER (we'll come back on this topic so keep it in mind) and YOU ROAM, in order to get kills, turrets, and whatever the fuck you might like seeing along the road. You don't sit there crying and getting killed over and over letting the enemy jhin go from 5/2 to 14/3.

• If you are a Support, YOU BUILD YOUR FUCKING SIGHTSTONE, PERIOD. I don't give a goddamn fuck about whatever kind of liquid shit it's boiling in your rotten brain, you just build it, it's an item so valuable it should cost 4000g instead of 1600g, this way you can use it BOTH offensively AND defensively

-You can make a pick (catching an enemy out of position so no matter the odds he will be an easy kill since even Faker can't do shit if 4-5 people jump on him and he doesn't have the means to defend himself) -YOU PREVENT YOUR TEAMMATES TO DIE FOR NO REASON -You prevent that fool (hi, it's me) that is trying to carry your sorry ass to play scared and defensive cockblocking him any possibility to take an initiative and turn around the tide YOU brought upon yourself -You allow your teammates to make the best decisions so we'll know if and when and where to go and try to make a play -You stop playing the guessing game everytime you walk nearby some place with no vision "UH, will i get oneshotted or can i walk those 400 units safely? Who knows, i wish it was warded... Good thing our 0/11/4 support just built a statikk shiv, i understand that he's trying to carry us... Nice guy!" -And if you're winning YOU PREVENT THE ENEMY TO TAKE A SIGNIFICATIVE INITIATIVE AND TRY TO COME BACK, so you'll put the final nail in the coffin. Choose the right coffin, this is important, it's theirs, not ours.

• If you see someone splitpushing side lanes and there are 3-4 people grouped in one place, you don't go chase that kill because the guilt of being useless is kicking in and so you want to redeem yourself by killing the felon to show us that you're actually capable to do something and you're not a total burden.

YOU ENGAGE WITH NUMBERS ADVANTAGE

Guess what? Remember how OPP vayne is? is she bot? IT'S BASICALLY LIKE SHE DOESN'T EXIST, until you give her time to come back and penta your asses, of course.

You engaged correctly? Bam, 3 people down, we can go take whatever the fuck we want, we are the bosses of the map until they respawn, we are in charge to do thatever pleases us which brings us to the next step which is

• What to do when people on the enemy team are down (i mean down dead, not really down down) PS: i wrote a very funny paragraph to do comedy, but considering how much SJW you are i choose to delete it, you know, just to not get in trouble triggering someone's feewings.

When the enemy is removed from the map YOU DON'T RECALL, just because your brain needs some relief after so much thinking to not fullcombo the tank as an assassin or go melee range as an adc.

-You push and take a turret -You go and wipe out all their jungle -You sweep and ward their jungle, so you know their position and what will be your next move

"But zelorxon, i want that huge big ass snake because it makes me feel good knowing that we killed it!" Oh really? do you? No because every game i call baron like 4-5 times and every single fucking time my call goes unanswered, ignored, they come with 10-30 seconds of delay or they simply do the opposite of what i say just to piss me off because they feel jealous i'm the only one who's not a retard on the map... I thought you were disgusted at the thought of having baron, uh, go figure...

• Baron Baron allows not only to have a massive advantage over the enemy team, EVEN IF YOU'RE BEHIND, but also allows those who are trying to carry to have more freedom of action, and this way you make their job easier.

BUT

In order to do baron, some conditions must be true

-You have number's advantage (aka, someone is bot, dead, afk, his girlfriend phoned him, his mom called him for dinner, he spilled some sugary sticky drink all over his keyboard, is fighting someone else in an epic 1v1 on the other side of the map) -Mid and top MUST be pushed, otherwise you'll get caught like a rat in the corner, and you'll end in a miserable way, not too hard since a mid laner can oneshot a wave pressing 1-2-3 buttons, so do it, don't stare at the wave and force someone that needs that mana to push. -You have wards around the baron, and i might do a warding guide next time if i feel like it, but common places are, behind the baron if you are blue side, over the mid wall, behind the blue brush, the blue brush, the top tribrush, and wherever it makes you feel safe and in control -The area has been cleaned by pinks and red trinket, now we have the busted control ward that even DISABLES enemy wards, so it will make smite wars even easier, if just... -You must be ready to turn: if someone fed comes and tries to stop you you must be able to QUICKLY rearrange frontline and backline so that they don't get an easy penta, also NEVER make damage dealers tank the baron, as it will REDUCE THEIR DAMAGE OUTPUT and make taking the baron or a possible turn slower, more risky and less effective, if you are a tank, don't be a pussy and tank that baron, don't wait for some hero to auto it first because you're a pansy, especially if it's been pingspammed since 4 hours by now, in case the will of do baron wasn't clear. -If you outnumber by at least 3 people, just fucking go and do baron, what are you even waiting for... -If someone calls baron you MUST. BE. QUICK. especially if he pings the respawn timers, if you come to baron when the enemy has 10 seconds to respawn, they will most likely reach and stop you, so when your jungler calls the baron, hurry up.

• Ayyy, we're almost there, hold tight for a little while, because that's the topic we're gonna talk now

INHIBITORS

I'll tell you straight: super minions>any player below D2, taking an inhibitor means having an additional champions that respawns every 30 seconds and if left unchecked can take towers on its own, and he also gives 50 gold when that noob feeds, pretty cool uh?

INHIBITORS TAKE 5 MINUTES TO RESPAWN

The point of tanking the inhibitor is not "YAAY, we got an inhib, now we can fuck around for 15 more minutes because we feel no pressure so it's fun to see colors on my screen instead of playing yaaay!"

Once you take an inhibitor it's when you have to switch from giving your 100% to giving your 150%, because this means that the wave with super minions will push by itself, and this is your chance to finally get shit done.

-When an inhibitor falls, you have a lane that will push by itself, of course you can still farm it, but in those 5 minutes, you have to take at least another inhibitor, so group up, and go play aram in a lane that has the inhibitor still up, this way you'll force your opponent to make a choice: do i go stop the super minion wave, or i go stop the enemy team? You have a free splitpushing champion, don't cuck him like you're used to do with your average splitpushing-human controlled champion.

-The choices are infinite, just make one. Go push the other lanes as 5 and force fights, slowpush with minions, slowpush with zzrot and banner, force a dive with zzrot and banner, create pressure so your splitpushing champion can take an inhib or a couple of turrets on the other side of the map

DON'T. LET. THOSE. 5. PRECIOUS. MINUTES. WASTED

Now i'm sick and tired of writing, i'm sick and tired of you, my fingers and my hands hurt, oddone is about to stream and it's 0:24 here, so i'm donezo with this shit and i'll call it a day, if i missed something either tell me or i'll check myself some other day, but all the important stuff should be there.

Stop sucking. Peace.

-EDIT AFTER SEVERAL MONTHS-

THIS THREAD IS TO CONSIDER ARCHIVED NOW, YOU ARE FREE TO CONSULT IT, AND YOU'RE ENCOURAGED TO SPREAD IT TO WHOEVER YOU MIGHT THINK IS IN NEED, BUT DON'T UP THIS CONVERSATION, THANK YOU.