In all seriousness, the changes in NURF are maybe a bit drastic for today's problems.
+100% mana and energy cost on all abilities
+200% cooldown inflation on abilities, items and summoner spells
+225 movement speed reduction
+200% delay between basic attacks
Critical strikes deal 50% of base AD
Units critically strike on 150% of attacks
Mana costs aren't really a problem, as far as I'm aware, so none of that.
Cooldown inflation could be adjusted a bit. There are some champions with cooldown resets that are just broken (Irelia), but not everyone needs cooldown nerfs.
Movement speed isn't an issue either.
Delayed basic attacks? No thanks,
But critical strike reduction... crits do 150% damage. Infinity Edge makes them do 200% or 175%. I think that could be reasonable.
That just nerfs Marksmen though. It would mostly ignore problem children like Irelia and Darius.
I'm tempted to go through all 142 champions and come up with a balance list for them. It would take me at least two weeks though.