Why is the matchmaking in this game so hilariously bad?

So, every game I play is like this: https://img2.picload.org/image/driowawr/a.jpg

Please, can anyone explain me how and why? This is a computer system, so this terrible game "matches" like this thousands a day? How is this acceptable for a full-time employee at RIOT to have these "matches"?

I played 6 games today and 0 of those games were even remotely fun. So, let's see what's wrong with it:

*** I am being held hostage.** You can't expect me to play with 4 feeders. I mean, you can not. I am 27 years by now and if this game forces me into rigged "matches", I rather do the household.

*** 55 Wins, 86 Loss.** And still 8/28 is happening. People say there is no ELO Hell, but there is apparently. Because with a W/L ration like that, shouldn't I play against other people with equal skill?

*** 17 MInutes and 18.000 gold difference** Matchmaking does not work at all.

*** The "matchmaking" is rigged and does not actually let you play with people that have your own skill range. **I am probably in the Bronze area here, actually Silver I. Yep, super average, but still, my MMR in normals is - duh - very close to that. But instead of actually playing with people that have equally bad stats, I am getting dragged down by these trash noobs game for game. I mean, look at this garbage, what could I have done? I had to lose in 17 minutes (!) and could not even get anywhere. My premade send me, Ashe, top, and then I could just wait. They were in the base while I and their Yasuo still fed on the lane.

LoL's bad matchmaking is like the stock market: "Hey, you have a trash premade, so you get a good player, but the enemy has a higher win chance, so they have a premade, too, but a bad one, and then we put (me) in here, but then, they get a trash noob again but their premade MMR is like this, so we need a handicap." WTF. This fucking bullshit can not work. I want people with 5/8 or 12/9, not this garbage. If you have "matches" like this, how is the MMR to be balanced? "Oh, you lose because you had garbage trash noobs!". Yo, great, no shit.

So, if I am at 55/86 W/L, why do I still get dragged down by trash noobs and on the other hand, very good enemies? A real, working matchmaking (not by RIOT games then of course) would give you guys that go 11/5, or 12/6. But they have 11/0 and 10/1. I mean, there was not the slightest chance.

*** The rigged matchmaking drags me down and does not actually pair the players on both sides.** This is happening in every game, also when I win (which is not often the case, hence the 55/86, that's why I call it rigged), but you can't tell me that my 1/8 Rammus is ONLY in this game bad as fuck and the enemy **ONLY **in this game 11/0?

*** Why do I lose MMR by these rigged matches?** The rating CAN not work if it does not actually look for players of my skill. My premade (Orianna and Rammus) are 3/15. Why? Why is the enemy then, by simple flipping of the numbers, 15/3? If the matchmaking would work, this would not happen. And not in 17 minutes. And not only on my side. I am so tired. This game's bad matchmaking is hilarious.

I had one guy at work quitting DOTA with his 6.000 rating, and he was trying LoL. I just showed him several of these screenshots and he rather plays Battlefield now. He neither wants to play rigged games where your rating depends on a rigged matchmaking like LoLs.

I mean, you can't argument against that, you SEE IT RIGHT THERE.

EDIT: Just to make clear, "the premade" was Orianna and Rammus. I was SoloQ. Also: To rig = Manipulate. The dictionary I use was a bit off there.