The Mysteries of League - Volume 1

Now, to preface, I'm a long-time League player. Probably a mixture of around 4k games under my belt, and I've been around since the original 40 champions. I've seen Riot in its awkward adolescent stage, its rebellious teenage stage, you name it. While this thread was initially conceived as a scathing critique of the mechanics that I'm sure many a Rioter looks back to and groans at, I've sprinkled in some forced tongue-in-cheek humor to make it more lighthearted and palatable. Think of this as both a critique, and a celebration of all of the...interesting facets of League's design that I've bumped into over the years.

I'm not challenging whether these champions and mechanics are fun, but rather, that they have a bit of awkward mechanical nuance to them. Now, let me dust off this tome, and transcribe my findings!

Why does have an AoE slash as an assassin focused around marking and killing single, vulnerable targets?

Why is , a backline zone controlling mage, rewarded for ramming himself into people? With such a large range of threat, why does he zip around the battleground so gracefully?

Why does have an Armor shred, and 4 other abilities that don't benefit from it in any way?

Why does 's Innate passive deal magic damage while scaling off of AD, especially in the context of Reprimand's free Armor Penetration?

Why does , an assassin, have an ult that...slows enemies, grants her a shield for every enemy hit, and is more effective on people the further from death they are?

Why does have several Attack Speed boosts and a physical damage on-hit Q (that does not benefit from Attack Speed) on a kit that primarily scales off of AP and deals magic damage?

Why does have 3 abilities that immensely favor fighting clustered teams, and two that could get him killed when fighting more than one enemy? Is he in cahoots with this Zeke guy?

Why does 's Riposte deal magic damage and scale off of AP? Why does her new ult encourage her to fight in large teamfights (rather than one-on-one skirmishes) with its AoE reward, considering that positioning for it in such a situation would get her killed?

What's up with 's kit in general, am I right, people? [pause for canned laughter] Is he a sturdy, anti-initiation tank? Is he a poke/siege support? A team initiator?

What's that old sea dog about? What's a global, AoE, slowing, magic damage ult doing on a skirmishing fighter? Why do his heal and ult scale off of AP when the rest of his kit revolves around AD-scaling physical/true damage? Why a melee-range attack modifier on a kit that rewards him for poking enemies from as far away as possible?

Why does 's ult not scale off of anything and deal magic damage on an otherwise entirely physical/AD-scaling kit? Why does such a big and loud man want to hide in a tiny bush? Does the scent of the tall blades of grass remind him of home?

Why does have an attackspeed steroid (that cools down faster with higher attackspeed) when his main damage consists of AoE, AD-scaling burst abilities--especially since his numerous nerfs have attempted to push him away from DPS and more towards skirmishing burst? Why does he have a slow in-combat scaling defensive Innate passive when the rest of his kit (sans the steroid) heavily favors explosive hit-and-run fights?

Why does have so many Hexplosives? Isn't that kind of ZIggs's thing? Is this some sort of scientific collaboration? (I eagerly await the day Ziggs finally gets his bomb-lobbing turrets)

Man, I'm not even going to touch . How about a joke instead? "Knock, knock" "Who's there?" "Irelia has three damage types, two scaling types, and slaps you with a surf board."

In general, what's up with the weird AP-scaling/magic damage abilities on AD champions? Is making that AP on feel useful really worth it? Is it worth the resigned, yet bitter tears of Miss Fortunes and Corkis everywhere?

Why does throw her allies (for no damage) and spawn moving wards on a kit otherwise focused around kiting and stacking spears on single enemies? Why is she allowed to have so much utility while having access to lategame damage and survivability that make her ghost parents proud? Hey, Ashe called, she wants her niche back!

Why does half of 's kit reward him for running and dying strategically in the middle of the enemy team (he lives, he dies, he lives again!), while the rest of his kit is focused more around keeping enemies as far away from him as possible?

What is ? Is she an ally-saving support? A poke mage? An AoE mixed damage marksman? A lategame carry that is also her own early game support? A currently trending diet superfood? You be the judge!

Why is part of 's kit so focused on ripping up isolated enemies, while his other abilities (and evolutions) heavily favor fighting clustered enemies? On the topic of Kha'Zix, why is --an AoE lifesteal item meant for fighters--so much stronger on AD assassins?

Why does , a marksman with incredible range and tools to keep enemies away from him, have an Innate passive that only takes effect when Kog'Maw dies and is within close range to someone? Is that the surprise?

Speaking of which, why does , a mage/support with many ranged tools and more than enough AoE CC to keep enemies off of her, have an Innate passive that only takes effect when she dies?

Why does have an Innate passive that only reaches full effectiveness if her abilities are staggered (since it doesn't stack or anything), and 4 other abilities she wants to land at the same time?

What's the point of 's Innate passive and spammable AoE poke on a burst/point blank AoE/initiation mage? If you ask me, I think Xerath wore it better.

Why does have an ultimate that prevents him from performing basic attacks on a kit centered so heavily around weaving them in between quick ability uses? When will he forget Senna and realize that him and Thresh are a match made in competitive tier lists?

Why does throw rock wheels at single targets to chase them, on a kit that's otherwise built around sudden burst AoE initiation? How come Sion's ult is a cooler version of his? Is there envy underneath that stoic and rocky exterior?

Why does have a teamfight damage-soaking channeled heal on a kit that's otherwise all about moving and attacking at blinding speeds, with his sword boots and ring sword? Do the goggles do anything?

With 's most recent kit tweaks pushing her more towards stacking bonus on-hit damage onto single enemies, why is the rest of her kit a weird hodge-podge of multi-target utility, damage, and poke? What's with the AP-scaling physical damage and AD-scaling magic damage? Why do I gotta pay for her VU?

Why does have 3 abilities that vastly boost his damage output and durability in clustered teamfights, while the other 2 are gimped in anything other than duels?

Why does have a heal/Attack Speed boost on a kit built around poking and skirmishing with quick combinations of abilities? Why the weird AP/AD split when both forms are best used in form-changing combos? Why doES HER Q SPEAR NOT RENDER

Why does have DPS-oriented AoE damage and sustain on his Innate, when the rest of his kit is more styled around chasing down and shredding isolated enemies?

Why's just a weaker version of pre-rework Gangplank? Will the Snow Brothers ever have their day?

Why does have a spammable, ranged nuke and three other abilities that either let him get right on top of enemies, or reward him for already closing that gap? Will he ever drop the whole "Artisan of War" thing and follow his dreams?

Why does have an ult that rewards her for throwing it onto anyone who isn't the high-damage, low-durability champion she just football-tackled into a tower?

Why does have such a powerful single-target killing tool that is only made quickly available after thrashing around in the middle of a clustered teamfight? Why do her theming and mobility make her out to be a single-target ambusher while her primary DPS ability and the execution of her Fury mechanic make her into a Darius-style AoE brawler?

Why does , whose primary strength lies in single-target ambushes in skirmishes, have an AoE (AP-scaling, magic damage-dealing) nuke tied to a defensive steroid that is most useful in the middle of the enemy team?

Why does , whose basic abilities are built around carefully managing his unique resource, have an ultimate that has absolutely nothing to do with it?

Why do 's two man damaging spells consist of a single-target nuke that can't reliably hit enemies in the middle of their team, and a nuke/set-up that is at its most effective against enemies within butt-touch distance of their entire team?

Why does have guaranteed mini-crits on backstabs and a clone that benefits from his physical damage stats, and 3 significant magic damage-dealing AP nukes? But more importantly, is that a mask, or a face? Whatever happened to Ram Steed?

Why does have a taunt, as well as a shield that benefits him if it's not broken?

What's the deal with in general? What's his ult for? Does he want to chase other people to chase him, or does he want to chase other people (so he can fling and slow them)? Why is he farming behind my tower and why won't my jungler come and kill him? : (

Like with Corki, why does also have an armor shred on a kit where the majority of his ability damage comes from AP-scaling magic damage? Also, why the long-ranged (minion-throwing?) poke on a kit defined around close ranged threat? Are the minions running away really fast? Does he speak the language of dragons?

What's 's spellshield for? What does it have to do with her throwing those weird chakrams? Why are the ones she throws with her basic attacks so small?

Why do 3 of 's abilities make him want to sit in the middle of a team to slowly CC them while the other 2 define him as an ambushing, kidnapping tank?

Why does have such long-range AoE burst as a single-target assassin? Why does his Innate passive seem more at home on a long-range kiting champion, to the point where Ashe pretty much just got a better version she can actually take advantage of?

Like with Leona, why does have an on-hit Innate passive that benefits from staggering many low-cooldown abilities, and a kit full of longer-cooldown abilities he wants to use all at once? (I suppose the same could be said with Alistar...)

Why does get so much damage out of two primary abilities (one of which being a mana-less on-hit DoT) while also having enough utility to make a season 5 support blush? Why are his invisible mines that can slow you to a crawl also kill anything that isn't a tank from 30%-50% health?

Why does have one of the strongest ally-saving abilities in the game while still having some of the strongest offensive set-up in the game? Why is spooky skellyman saving his buddies? Did he kill Senna because she was the only thing standing between him and one of the most common botlane combos in season 4?

Why does , who has the longest consistent basic attack range in the game and two self-peeling tools, get rewarded for jumping face-first into the entire enemy team?

Why does have a long-range, drawn-back sniper style poke with an in-fight snowballing attackspeed steroid and a DPS tool that is only optimized when he quickly throws out abilities in between sets of basic attacks? Also, what's with the wardrobe? Is only his neck cold?

Why does , whose basic abilities allow him to poke, kite, and siege from considerable range, have an ultimate that throws him (and prepares him for being) directly in the middle of the enemy team?

Why does have such a long cooldown Innate passive shield, but an Armor shred/Attack Speed boost that gives her a reason to commit to longer brawls? Why does she have a big wind-up gap-closing punch when her ult already puts her right next to her intended victim?

Why does have a huge AoE burst damage-amplifying ult when his damaging abilities are weak but spammable?

Why does have a stationary, projectile-blocking wall on a kit that enables and demands constant, in-fight movement (including an ability that can put him in the middle of a team from over 1000 units away)?

And that...[puts down pen, stretches wrist] is currently the whole of my findings. See anything you agree with? Anything you disagree with? Anything that has won you over with its unconventional and mechanically contradictory charm? Feel free to leave it all in the comments!