Dear Vaynes

You're not a god and I'm not your bitch.

I will blackshield you when it is off cooldown because you decided to dive in recklessly like you always do without considering that Leona or blitz may try to take advantage of you sticking your chin out for no good reason on ill-advised trades. I used to main adc and I know chunking down enemies with some harass is a good idea, but not when you can't see a support like Leona or blitz in the bush where my ward just dropped.

When I run banana-face and try to heal you that doesn't mean keep running in at low health. I have a cooldown on that heal. It's not a constant stream of your health growing. It costs me my own health. In healing you, I weaken myself and become an easier target for when they get past or around you. People aim for soraka now because they know heals keep you going. Don't make it easier for them.

When I leave lane to ward, you shouldn't go in on them. If I'm not looking or walking directly at you, then do not go in. In fact, as the support in bot lane it is sometimes a requirement of my position to set up those times for you to go in. If I dark bind an enemy, go ahead. If I dive as Leona at the enemy adc and get a stun and my ult off, feel free to take the kill I just prepared for you like a mother making a delicious pie for you on the table. Take it. I prepared it just for you.

You don't need to tell me my job. I know what it is. It's to support the team. So when we have bot lane pushed under their tower and I go to ward I may decide to roam mid and see if they need help. I'm not your Siamese twin. I don't have to be next to you 24/7. I like you, vayne and I like how you murder things with impunity. Your zest for death is heartwarming. I appreciate the effort, but sometimes yasuo sucks and could use a little assistance from someone who can stun their enemy too. Sometimes they don't see the enemy jungler coming like I did and I want to make sure they don't die and cause you to flame about how they feed.

I understand that the tanks can die when you go in on them, but perhaps killing the enemy draven or leblanc might work out for the whole team rather than focusing that Cho'Gath or Leona you've got your shady-eyed sights on. The team probably doesn't like getting rectal-rootered by an ax-wielding egomaniac or some crazy chain throwing geriatric dominatrix. They probably want some help killing those guys hitting them. So go be the hero and make them appreciate you. Leave the cho'gath alone and kill the squishy guys throwing axes and bullets.

I try not to get mad at you, but sometimes I mute you because you just won't shut your little whore mouth. Sometimes, even mommies and daddies just wish their kids would run into a table and punch the conscious clock for a few. Sometimes, vayne, I need to mute you. This doesn't mean I won't try and do my job to set you up, but I just don't need you to use your words because your words are dribble. It's okay. We can't all by Richard Gere or George Clooney. Someone has to be the Gary Busey of the team and so long as you kill things, we're okay with that. I'm just more okay with not knowing how Gary Busey you are.

You don't need to ping that the enemy is missing on my dead body. I know they are missing. They just killed me and disappeared into the fog of war. I get it. They're gone. The 15 pings about it got through after the 3rd. Move on.

I don't want to flame you, Vayne. I just want you to not be an asshole. I want you to think about whether the enemy might slap your balls around too hard if you try and mushroom stamp their foreheads. These are things you need to consider when trying to tea-bag the enemy. You can't just attack without and thought for consequences. They happen. Like how a team might surrender a winning game and laugh about you're flaming just to make you as pissed off and frustrated as you made them all game.