The Taxonomic Classification of Valoran's Humanoid Races (maybe)
Perhaps I'm just being a bit too nerdy for my own good here, but on these boards we debate the relationship statuses of fictional characters, why not the science? A recent conversation got me thinking that the various humanoid races of Runeterra and how "close" they would be in the Taxonomic order (Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Genus, Species).
The various sentient humanoids of Runeterra. How would you classify them in the Taxonomic order?
We can skip the Kingdom
Obviously, they'd all be the same down to the phylum, Chordata, which just means vertebrae as this was supposedly canonically proven and, well, they all have spines don't they?
All the ones I can classify would be in the mammalia class and here why:
The Marai (Nami's race) and whatever the heck Fizz is (maybe an aquatic yordle?) which would be fishes except that Nami has... Uh... Breasts which would mean either the artistic team decided that mermaids should be sexy or that the Marai are a sentient aquatic mammal rather than a fish. Probably both.
I still have no idea what Fizz is so I'm going to ignore him as we don't even have a name to the race he belongs to. If some writer who really likes Fizz would like to clarify what on Valoran he even is, now's your time.
Another would be the two new lovebirds, Xayan and Rakah (did I say that wrong? Whatever.) While I might say that they're Aves, or birds, they appear to be more human (and thus mammal). Additionally, the rest of the Vastaya mentioned (Ahri, Rengar, the beaver-like Vastaya, the Monkey-ish ones, that pig guy, and any others I've forgotten) are all mammals having one parts human and one parts other mammals. The occasional bits such as the butterfly wings are too small to contest so we'll settle that the Vastaya are mammals.
Yordles (who are supposedly Vastayan but having little-to-no connection with them) are obviously mammals having hair and producing milk for their young. The only exception being Teemo who has the class Daemonius.
As for the ice trolls, we have very little information on them. We don't even know if they have two separate genders or if they reproduce asexually (like sea sponges) having only seen and read of what are apparently males. They probably are mammals but we don't have any proof outside of the fact that other fantasy worlds' trolls are usually mammals.
The Ascended, the Aspects of Targon, the "Void-touched" (Kassadin and Malzahar), and Iceborn were once human. Thus, mammals.
We have extremely little information on the Darkin despite Ezreal's efforts at studying them. We'll pass on this one.
Twitch is a mutated rat. Rats are mammals but I'd question his entire biological structure at this point. Oh well.
Rammus is OK. Let's leave him be.
Shyvana is half-dragon (probably reptile) and half-human. Due to how many complications this arises, yet again, we will ignore her until further lore notice.
Please let me know if I'm forgetting about any important races of Valoran rather than crucifying me in the comments for it. Thank you.
Next would be the order.
The Marai, as I said before, are likely aquatic mammals, or Cetecea. If that is not the case, they are primates that can hold their breath for stupidly high amounts of time and withstand crushing water pressure.
Vastaya are a mix of orders. They all have a point in Primate. But then there's some partially in Carnivora like Rengar and Ahri. That one pig man was part Artiodactyla. Xayak and Raxan (I screwed that up again didn't I?) are a bit bird which is a whole 'nother Phylum. It's just a big mess.
Yordles (who probably aren't Vastayan so much as Vastaya are Yordles) Are mostly Primate with a touch of Carnivora. Teemo is Carnifexus.
Unfortunately, I hit a roadblock here. When it comes to Families, that's about when the races have their own sections. I'm not going to narrow it down any further because there's no classification we can put them under with the exception of Teemo who is of the family Malumus and species Saevissimo Dominatius.
Thank you for reading this huge waste of time that was pointless for me to put together and... Well, that's all I've got. Now you know what species Teemo is at least!
