Teddy Bear Vi: "Don't run, I just want to hug you"

Disclaimer #1: This is a seriously funny skin idea. By that I meant that it is seriously meant to be as less serious as possible. I just found it boring to introduce a funny skin in a serious fashion. Disclaimer #2: I know Vi just got a skin. However, I don't think Riot is planning to go bankrupt anytime soon. So I don't care. Hue hue hue. Disclaimer #99: I am no Vi main.

Resume: This skin is meant to make fun of Vi's "Hug of Death" impossible-to-counter-Rito-pls-nerf (<- sarcasm) ultimate, so feared by the overpowered late game marksmen (<- NOT sarcasm), while all she wants is to give them a friendly tap on the shoulder... Doesn't she? And don't forget: HUG OR RIOT.

Lore: (yeah, skins are jealous, they want to have some background too) "It doesn't look like she is but Vi is very peaceful and kind-hearted in reality. In fact, she is very very sad because every time she wants to share her sincere friendship with another champion, they either flee her, attack her or end up dead. Therefore, she met Amumu and asked him for advice. He answered that other champions were avoiding her because she looks rude and violent. However, with the brand new teddy beat outfit that she just stole bought, Vi's punches are soft now. Soooo soft. Soooooooo soft. Don't you want to cuddle her now? Okay, if you don't, she will bash your skill to death with tears of despair, you cold and heartless little @$%&§." - Me (2014)

Appearance:

• Naked As cute and lovely as possible.
• Plushy brown teddy bear costume: big mittens (imitating bear paws), boots (up to right below the knee), body. Upper arms and thighs remain naked.
• Glasses replaced by bear ear headband. It even fits the shape. EZPZ.
• "VI" tatoo replaced by pink heart.

Abilities:

• All abilities are replaced by Assault and Battery!, with global range, no mana cost and a 5 second cooldown.
• As cute and lovely as possible. I think I've already read that somewhere...
• Ability icons are recolored from blue-ish to pink-ish. I don't know if it is technically possible but I think that modifying ability icons would be a great improvement for any skin that has a theme radically different from the original champion's: Frost Annie, Zombie Brand, Pool Party skins...
• Blue particles (innate shield, Q during charge...) would probably be recolored to pink/red/brown/orange/whatever-looks-the-best.
• W has a new icon on proc: a broken pink heart instead of a broken shield. It symbolizes that Vi is heartbroken because you don't love her as much as she loves you. Therefore, she gains AS and kills you. Isn't that adorable?
• R has a modified animation to make it look more like a friendly hug than a brutal uppercut. For that same reason, small pink hearts appear around the target during the knock up and the game automatically takes a screenshot and a photograph of the target's frustrated face, both of which are immediately posted on their Facebook wall. If the target is a marksman, they are automatically disconnected from the game and a new thread about how unbalanced Assault and Battery! is is created on the forum.
• The quotes upon using R are changed to "Let's be friends!" and "Another friend!". Or an alternative "Cupcake!!" when used against Caitlyn. Ideally all the attack/movement quotes/jokes should be changed in a similar fashion. I just lack inspiration right now.

Useless Short Story, a.k.a. How to Use this Skin Properly: A hill near Piltover. Caitlyn, waving at Vi: "Hey, Vi! Over here!" Vi, seeing Caitlyn: "Cupcake! It's been so long!" Jayce: "You should stay away from Vi a bit, Cait. I heard she was dangerous." Caitlyn, to Jayce: "What are you saying? She is so adorable. She would not even hurt a..." Vi, running towards Caitlyn with open arms: "Cupcake!! Let me hug you!!" BOOM. A champion has been slain. Vi, disappointed by Caitlyn's lack of reaction: "Cup-Cupcake? Are you fine?" Jayce: SMH. I told you it was useless and you still read it...

Note: I highly recommend you to choose the first pool option. If you still choose the second answer, Vi will be so very sad that she will probably kill you. You know how emotional she is. Don't say I didn't warn you.