Boards›Concepts & Creations

[CHAMPION CONCEPT] Cretun, The Bane of The Sword

TheTarians·3/20/2016, 7:17:49 AM·3 votes·975 views
http://www.wallpaperup.com/uploads/wallpapers/2014/04/15/333458/f9bf2333c4a94d883f0aa68c3df2e29e.jpg

Cretun, The Bane of The Sword

Lore

Cretun is a name that has been spread through the ages. A name that is always there, and never forgotten. Cretun is the name of a cursed boy. It is the name of The Bane of The Sword.

The Story Begins

It was morning time in the city of Demacia. The boy named Cretun awoke from his sleep to the dawn of a new day. He took in one deep breath and held it in for 10 long, hard seconds. He released and did this again, and again. Cretun arose from his bed, still a little drowsy. He put on his pants, his shirt, his boots and his one shoulder plate. He covered his shirt with a light plate armor. Cretun was a knight in training, a knight of the royal guard. His father was named Sebastian, and he was currently Prince Jarvan II personal knight. Knowing this, Cretun worked as hard as he could everyday to become the Prince's personal knight.

Cretun arrived at the training grounds where he was assigned to sparring with another one of the knights in training. The sparring was short lived, for Cretun was able to get the upper hand on his opponent multiple times. And just like everyday, Cretun asked for a stronger opponent. His instructor informed him that he had already beaten every other knight in training that there was. So Cretun asked the instructor for a duel. Naturally his instructor denied, saying that he would be too much of a challenge for Cretun. Naturally Cretun called his instructor chicken and a coward for denying a duel. The instructor simply shook his head and told Cretun to prepare for a short duel. They both readied their sword as the other children gathered around and counted down from Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three! Two! ONE! The duel began with the instructor coming at Cretun with a lunging attack, but Cretun saw right into his blind spot. Cretun used his sword and his foot to flip his instructor on to the ground, flat on his back. Cretun said with a smug look that it was a short fight, maybe his instructor should learn a little more. After the fight, Cretun walked home knowing that he was the superior duelist.

The Story Starts To Rise

Later that night Cretun saw a shooting start flying across the night sky. He looked up into the celestial body that lay out in front of him. And he wished. He wished to become the greatest fighter, using strength and magic to defeat his foes. Wishing for this power, so that one day he may be able to protect The Prince and all of Demacia. He knew that he must become stronger, because the people he had already beaten were simply weak. And just as soon as the final words reached the end of his thoughts, the star that he saw seemed to start changing direction and seemed to head straight for Cretun's window. When it got closer, Cretun began to realize that it was heading for him. He ducked out of the way and a little blue ball of light seemed to twirl all about his room. That is when it suddenly stopped and within a fraction of a second, it went straight for Cretun and struck him right in his right eye. Everything for Cretun just went white.

When Cretun woke, he found himself in crater where his home used to be. It was bright as day, and the time that had passed were unknown. The crater was surrounded by the Demacian royal guard, including his own father. Cretun began to stand up, and found himself quickly surrounded by men with his father shouting to not let it escape. Cretun was pinned down by at least five men and held down on the ground. His father came down to look at him, and he said "So this is the thing that went on the massacre of this section." It was as if his father no longer knew him. Cretun called out, yelling for his father, trying to reason with them. In his own desperate plea he called his father by name. His father turned around and simply said, "You are my son no longer." Cretun's spirit was broken. The men started to drag Cretun and put him in the back of a carriage, which brought him to the royal prison. They locked the door, and threw away the key.

The Story Ends

Cretun cried for help for many hours after his capture, but not a soul would answer him and he gave up. But then he heard a voice. "Would you like to be free?" Said the voice? Cretun looked up in confusion and asked, "Who's there?" "I am not in the room with you my dear mortal, I am in here with your soul." The voice proclaimed. "What?" Cretun asked, even more confused. "I am the thing that will grant you your wish, I will be your sword, I will be an extension of your soul, I will be your power. I will be the bane of your enemies." "Wait, the shooting star?" Cretun asked. "Precisely." Said the voice "So you can get me out?" Cretun replied "Yes I can." The voice told him Cretun was desperate to get out. He did not want to rot away the rest of his life in a prison. "So how do I tap into this power?" Cretun asked. "Repeat after me: 'I am the bane of my sword'." The voice told him. "I am the bane of my sword." Cretun said. And as he said it, a glowing sword began to materialize in front of him, seeming to increase in power as it got closer to appearing, and when it did reach that appeared state, an explosion was triggered. The explosion made a giant hole, big enough to see the entire Demacian empire, in the side of the Royal palace. Cretun quickly made his way out of his cell and out of his city. Putting himself into exile by Demacian law. He vowed to only return when he was strong enough to return.

"It's not that I don't want to go back, it's that I can't go back." -- Cretun.

Stats and Roles Health: 559 (+67 per level) Health Regen: 8.23 (+0.56 per level) Mana: 465 (+55 per level) Mana Regen: 9.23 (+0.46 per level) Armor: 25 (+3.5 per level) Magic Resist: 32.3 (+ 1.35 per level) Damage: 65 (+ 3.1 per level) Attack Speed: 0.675 (+ 3.1% per level) Attack Range: 150 Movement Speed: 345

Abilities/Kit

Passive Search For Weakness Whenever Cretun attacks and enemy champion, he will apply a Bane Mark them for 3 seconds. Mark time can be refreshed by repeatedly attacking the marked target. Cretun gains 10% movement speed while moving towards a target with Bane Mark. If one of Cretun's abilities hit marked target, the mark will trigger causing the target to suffer magic damage equal to 45% of Cretun's AP. Once a mark is triggered the target will then get applied a Sword Mark for 3 seconds. If Cretun auto attacks a marked target, they will suffer physical damage equal to 45% of Cretun's bonus AD. Targets with Sword Mark have their movement speed reduced by 10% when running away from Cretun. After Cretun has triggered one, or both, of the marks the target champion will not be able to be marked by Bane Mark or Sword Mark for 5 seconds.

Q Bane's Crescent Cost: 55 at all ranks Cool Down: 13/11/9/7/6 AoE Damage Spell Cretun charges his sword for 0.65 seconds and then sends out a wave of energy, dealing magic damage to all targets hit. Any enemies hit will also be slowed by a short amount. Magic Damage: 70/95/120/145/170 (+40% of AP). Slow: 5%/6.25%/7.5%/8.75%/10%.

If this Ability is used to trigger a Bane Mark, then the target will be re-applied with a Bane Mark. This mark instead lasts for 4 seconds and this spells cool down goes down to 2.5 seconds. If this Bane Mark is triggered, then a Sword Mark will apply on to the target. If this Bane Mark is not triggered, a Sword Mark will still be applied regularly.

W Sword's Strength Cost: 50 at all ranks Cool Down: 18/16/14/12/10 Basic Attack Enhancer Cretun charges his sword with energy. For the next 5 seconds, all of Cretun's basic attacks will deal bonus physical damage that is equal to a percentage of his target's current health. Cretun will heal for 25% of the damage dealt to the target. If Cretun attacks a tower or inhibitor, he will instead deal flat extra damage and heal for a flat amount. Extra Damage: 2%/3.5%/5%/6.5%/8% of targets current health in physical damage (Max: 200 vs. minions and monsters). Bonus Damage to Towers and Inhibitors: 30/45/60/75/90. Heal from Towers and Inhibitors: 15/22.5/30/37.5/45.

If this Ability triggers a Sword Mark, then the target will be re-applied with a Sword Mark. This mark instead lasts for 4 seconds and this spell will last for 2.5 seconds longer. In this Sword Mark is triggered, then a Bane Mark will apply on to the target. If this Sword Mark is not triggered, then the target will stop being marked.

E Bane's Corruption/ Sword's Strike Cost: 75 at all ranks Cool Down: 15/13.5/11/9.5/7.5 Skill Shot/Targeted Ability Bane's Corruption: Cretun sends out a burst of energy in a target direction, slowing the first target hit by a heavy amount. If this Skill hits an enemy champion, then Cretun can cast Sword's Strike for the next 3 seconds. If this ability hits a minion or monster, Cretun will instead apply a poison de-buff on the target and saps life. Slow: 30%/35%/40%/45%/50%. De-Buff Damage: 4%/8%/12%/16%/20% of target's max health. Life Sap: 4%/8%/12%/16%/20%. De-buff Duration: 5 seconds.

Sword's Strike: Cretun lunge's towards the selected enemy champion dealing physical damage on arrival and stuns the target for a short duration. After Cretun finishes this move, he will gain bonus Attack Damage. Stun Duration: 1.0/1.25/1.5/1.75/2.0 seconds. Bonus Attack Damage: 5% of Bonus AD

Neither of these abilities can trigger a Bane Mark or Sword Mark.

(This ability will go on cool down if Sword's Strike is not used, or when Sword Strike is used).

R I Am The Bane Of My Sword Cost: 100 at all ranks Cool Down: 150/120/90 Cretun charges his sword with all of the energy he has left. Giving him Magic Damage On Hit damage, Bonus Life Steal/Spell Vamp, and Bonus AD and AP. Magic Damage on hit: 15%/25%/35% of AP. Bonus Life Steal and Spell Vamp: 15%. Bonus AD and AP: 10%/20%/30% of total AD or AP.

"I am the Bane of my Sword. All things come to me and end. My life will not end without my own strength surpassing those of gods." -- Cretun.

Leave your comments down below

7 Comments

Simon Lancaster3/20/2016, 4:51:00 PM2 votes

This comment will expand into a full-fledged review once I get back form work. Until then. 9 hours later

P.S. If I don't mention something then I think it's just fine as is.

Lore: 1) Your opening lines are really impactful, they give this great sense of a story that's been told throughout generations. The only problem I had with it was that just a little bit later, in Cretun's origins, you say he wants to be in the royal Demacian Guard like his father, guarding Prince Jarvan Lightshield the Fourth. J4 is the current Crown Prince, he's maybe 35 or something? If this was an old tale, then it would be possibly J1, or J2, I think the first got killed by Sion so choose which prince carefully, ha ha. I really liked the sense of age, but if you need this to be a new story, then maybe rephrase the first paragraph a little.

2) Cretun seems already pretty good with a blade, besting all his classmates and then even the instructor. I feel a little more of his smugness could come out in the duel with the master, but that's just my opinion. On to the actual part, I'm not sure why Cretun would want more power, or wish for it, when he's already very confident. Some kind of failing by himself or someone he looks up to, such as his father or other royal knights, could be an incentive, as the feel I got from his wish was that he must become stronger, I just didn't know why.

3) The shooting star-turned-spirit is very nice, I enjoy explosions like any sane, rational, peace-loving person Cough Jinx Cough. You might want to mention how much time passed while he was unconscious, it was nighttime, then it was...? Also, in the second explosion (yay), "[it] made a giant hole big enough to see the entire Demacian Empire." Like, Demacia blew up? 0.0 I'm just not sure how big this explosion actually was, and whether or not this jail was a prison (above ground), or a dungeon (below ground) might affect how big the explosion could be without wiping out half of Demacia (the city, not the state).

4) Throughout the story, especially in the parts about his capture by his father, and his pact with the spirit-thing, I didn't get a lot of emotion for him. Was it desperation? Was it determination? A little more of what he's feeling at those times would go a ways towards showing us how he acts, thinks, and feels.

Stats and Kit: I'm no good at judging balance by numbers, but attack ranges are usually 125, 150, or 175, for melee. The 155 just seems a little off. The role I see him as is an assassin/fighter, like Tryndamere, Aatrox, or Riven (my three main top laners, coincidentally). With that in mind, I'll move on to his abilities.

Passive - Search for Weakness This is a very nice burst mechanic, allowing him to chain auto attacks and abilities in a short time for substantial burst, as well as making it harder to get away once he's attacked you once. By itself, nothing is really bad except maybe the ability power ratio being so high, maybe have it scale with level? The flat attack damage is nice in comparison, would give AD/AP builds different feelings from each other.

Q - Bane Crescent The reapplication of Bane Mark is nice here, although I'm not sure it needs such a high base with that high of a ratio, the base is between Cassi's Twin Fang and Diana's Crescent Strike, with the AP ratio higher than Diana's and the same cooldown at fifth rank (6 seconds becomes 3.6 with 40% CDR). In addition to reapplying the Bane Mark, that's tons of damage with just his passive and one ability. This one's a little high on the damage side, but let's see the rest.

W - Sword's Strength I love the ability to combo AA>Q>W>Q, but I think that with the amount of auto attacking I see this guy doing, buying a Blade of the Ruined King along with the Nashor's I would get seems like a lot of max health damage in a short period of time, although I am a bit biased against abilities like Kindred's passive and Shen's Q, so that might just be me.

E - Bane's Corruption/ Sword's Strike I think this is pretty balanced, the choice of engaging on the enemy or sustaining from a monster/minion. I do think, however, that the stun shouldn't be longer than one second, as with the movement speed self buff and enemy debuff from his passive, he really won't need more than one second to get off an auto attack and a Q to start the combo. Plus the extra AD from the stun is well enough even without the stun, although since he is an assassin, maybe add a very small ratio to the gained AD, perhaps 5% bonus AD? Some kind of scaling helps assassins.

R - The Oath First off, very nice, I see a lot of Riven inspiration in the kit. One major problem right off the bat though: 30~70% AP on hit. Riven only gets a bonus 20% AD from her ult, and as I see this guy using his basic attacks a lot, that's overall puns tons of damage. Nashor's grants 15% AP on hit, so we're talking potentially dealing 85% of his AP on every basic attack for the duration. My suggestion is just to tone it down to 15/25/35% (give or take) of AP on hit. The bonus spell vamp and lifesteal are nice numbers. Referencing back to Riven, her bonus is 20%, but she does only use one stat. The cooldown on this ultimate is the same, and having scaling scaling is a bit much, as as the game goes on, you get more items and your abilities become stronger, having 15/30/45% bonus damage stats is a bit much. I'd suggest simply 25 or 30% flat, as he does have to split his build between two stats rather than one.

Mechanically, I love him, it's a very nice kit (if damage heavy!), and as a Riven player myself I'd love to have the opporotunity to have another combo champion up my sleeve. I don't think there are any mechanics that seem out of place or overtuned for his role (excepting damage, but that's numbers).

That's all! Hope this helped you think a bit more about and improve both lore and in-game, these are just my personal opinions though, so if you love him as he is, keep him as he is. Feel free to look up my previous works on both the Boards and Forum Archives if ya have a care to. Peace!

Play well, play together,

  • Summoner Simon Lancaster {{summoner:17}}
TheTarians3/20/2016, 4:14:37 PM1 votes

Bump

TheTarians3/21/2016, 3:01:28 AM1 votes

UPDATE

  • Updated lore to better show emotion and not have everyone just be robots.

  • Attack Range Reduced.

  • AP and AD scaling on Q, E, and R are down.

MrXonte4/9/2016, 8:14:46 PM1 votes

Passive: Why 45% ap scaling for what i assume is the easier to proc and only 45% bonus ad (which is usually much less than ap) for the harder to proc mark? Also it reads as if you cannot apply the sword mark after popping the bane mark since it says: "After Cretun has triggered one, or both, of the marks the target champion will not be able to be marked by Bane Mark or Sword Mark for 5 seconds." which is basicly after popping a mark you cant mark for 5 seconds, but pooping a bane mark should give a sword mark, but shouldnt be able to since you cant mark.

Q: The slow is pretty much non existant and pretty much not needed since you get a speedbuff due to the banemark anyways. Also the thing with the sword mark is weird. It says something like the new banemark can only be used to get a sword mark not another banemark and if its not used (with q) it becomes a sword mark after running out. The regularly makes no sense the way its written since a sword mark isnt applied if a bane mark runs out, but i get what you mean. You should rewrite that

W: Too strong. Do you know why devourer only applies every 4th attack for ranged? because kindred has a similar effect which was way too strong with devourer. Building this champ with rageblade, devourer and maybe one more AS item will melt away any champion and the towerdamage is extreme too. Also cap it against monsters since this could get out of hand fast. The mark part is written better than for q, but writing when the mark runs out the marked person isnt marked anymore is a bit unnecessary.

E: Ok for champion interaction, but op for monster interaction. There is a reason %health damage is capped against monsters so just like w you should cap it. Against baron you would otherwise be pretty much immortal for 5 seconds while dealing a ton of damage.

R: "Magic damage on hit damage" damage damage. Seems ok on its own but is probably insane considering the rest of his kit. this guy with rageblade, devourer and nashors alone is insane already. building onhit champions is always a challange since they are currently pretty strong due to rageblade and devourer and its easy to get it wrong.

Overall the mark passive doesnt seem very interesting since you will usually use e to get close, auto once, q, w, q, to maximize damage with marks since there arent any other combos that work well. As with many onhit champions the kit isnt all that fun since you just activate your onhit modifers and press right click and there isnt much in the kit that makes itmore fun.