The first part of a story!

So currently I'm working on a story for the star guardian skins and I was wondering if I could get some feedback? I already finished the first half of Jinx's part and I wanted to know if I could improve both in a story telling stand point, canonical stand point and grammatical stand point. Thank you so much! [slayer-jinx-catface]

The time was simply Nine o’ clock AM. Now this is usually the start of every magical girlesque story. Girl is late. Girl rushes to get ready. Girl runs down stairs, often falling and runs to school with toast in her mouth. Not this story. See our protagonist. If you can call her that, is quite the interesting person. Our character doesn’t care about being late or not. She shows up when she wants. As much as her other team members would prefer for her not to be late. Though our hero doesn’t care much for what they think, she’s only in it to blow stuff up and fight for what’s right, and a little bit of bragging rights. This. Is her story.

It was another bright morning she had just awoken from her slumber on the same useless comet that’s been flying through space aimlessly for lightyears probably.  If not for Shiro and Kuro she would’ve gone insane at the point and time of her birth.  Er, or... More insane than she usually was.  She wasn’t sure why, when or how she was born.  She just woke up one fateful day on this comet and poof there she was.  She was eighteen at the time.  Possibly seventeen… She doesn’t know, she doesn’t even know her birthday.  She didn’t know much about the world, only the fact that she ended up on this comet, and that stars get really, really, really, boring after a while.  She climbed out of her little crater in the comet.  The ground being warm and hard, a baron wasteland from far as the eye can see.  It was bright though, she could see roughly four-hundred meters up the damn thing.  Though Jinx hated lights so she preferred to be asleep.  She cracked her back and knuckles, not wanting to crack her neck as that would serve to neck pain for the rest of the day.  Shiro and Kuro came floating out of the crater after Jinx.  Shiro, her name meaning white in Japanese was the more somewhat peaceful companion, she was calm, sweet and was the problem solver, thinking more logically or peacefully.  Kuro, her name meaning black in Japanese.  She was the more unruly or destructive of the two.  She wasn’t really menacing but she was fierce and well… Destructive.  She solved problems alright… But in a destructive way.  Shiro and Kuro floated next to Jinx’s head as they looked on into the endless space.  

“Hey Jinx.” Shiro said in a voice of curiosity and wonder, “How long do you think we’ve been on this floating rock. Why were we sent here?” Jinx grunted angrily beginning to exclaim. “Ugh! Shiro you ask every time we wake up! I don’t even know how long we’ve been here!” Jinx grunts once more and begins to walk forward, not having a general idea, thought or plan of where she’s going. Just… Walking. She stopped and looked around, the stars seemed to have sped up. She ignored this as well, it happens every day, but this was weird… They kept gradually speeding up. She looked at Shiro and Kuro, not with fear but with excitement. “Kuro into formation!” Jinx said with a burst of energy. Shiro latched onto Jinx’s ankle, since well, Jinx was born naked and had no clothing. Kuro nodded and assumed rocket launcher position. Jinx held onto the launcher and hopped into the air, she shot the rocket propelling her towards what looked like another planet. This was her chance off that floating piece of rock. She rocketed through space, escaping the gravitational pull of the comet as she, Kuro and Shiro formed their own force, gaining more momentum as they turned into a meteor. Gaining speed and heat they got closer to the planet. The planet looked blue and green. They broke through the atmosphere of the planet. Land was in sight, the heat of their speed beginning to light Jinx aflame but this is what she lived for. After what seemed like almost twenty minutes of propelled madness they finally reached what seemed to be a liquid. It was clear and cold. Jinx felt an immense amount of pain as she reached the liquid. Her whole body burned and she felt her limbs were lose. She went unconscious. She was unconscious for roughly three to four hours. She soon awoken, her body still in pain but her limbs not broken anymore, but still in pain. She looked around, she only two people. A moderately tall female, in bright pink clothing sitting next to her. Holding her hand, nothing more. The second person she saw was floating at a counter, her arms moving as if she were brewing something. Jinx regained her full consciousness and looked around, seeing her summons Shiro and Kuro. She coughed a little bit, her voice frail and weak. She asked a simple question. “Where… am I?” The pink haired female smiled and looked down to Jinx, her voice sounding inviting and friendly. “Welcome to Earth."