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[Chapion Concept] Moon, The Den Mother

TheTarians·10/12/2015, 2:34:59 AM·3 votes·1,103 views

Moon, The Den Mother

Lore Fang was abandoned on the night of her birth, her parents could not believe what they had brought into the world. They left her in a forest, hoping that the local wildlife would eat her. But such was not the case for young Fang. Fate had different ideas for her. As she cried out in the midst of the forest a young wolf pup came to her, the young pup howled out for its mother. When the mother had arrived they both had seen that this was no ordinary child that they looked upon. Fang was by the looks of her, a human, but by other features, a wolf herself. She had long flowing hair down to her feet, her eyes were those of a wolf and not of a human, and her teeth were not teeth, but fangs. The Wolves only saw her as a wolf though, and through reassurance they took Fang in with them as a new part of the pack. For many years Fang grew up with the wolf pack and started to become even more ferocious then their Alpha Male of the pack. Her new found abilities as a wolf, and the reasoning skill as human allowed her to tackle any challenge she faced. Eventually, she became the leader of her pack, and she had several children of her own. Don't ask how just know that she did. Her Prowess of the pack eventually grew so great that she became the new Alpha of the pack. She lead her own pack in the forest, ruthless and powerful they stalked anything that came into the forest. But one day, a memory came back to her. It was a memory of her birth, she saw her parents and their faces. She knew now that they must die. One fateful night, the couple old and fragile came into the woods where they had lied their daughter for her death. Fang and her hunting pack were easily able to pick up on their scent. When they had reached the couple, Fang held herself up high on a cliff's edge and howled towards the moon, and in an instant she leapt down and ordered her wolves to attack. In the couple's final moments they noticed their child amongst the fray and they both yelled, "Moon!" There was nothing but scraps left. Long after the attack, all that Moon could focus on was that one word.

"M-Moon. Is that my name?" --Moon

Stats: Health: 581 (+60 per level) Health Regen: 2.2 (Base) 25.6 (At level 18) = (+1.3 per level) Mana: 250 (+60 per level) Mana Regen: 1.2 (Base) 15.6 (At level 18) = (+0.8 per level) Armor: 27 (+3 per level) Magic Resist: 12.5 (+1.25 per level) Attack Damage: 71 (+3.3 per level) Attack speed: 0.681 (+4% per level) Movement speed: 360

Abilities

Passive The Hunt Is On! When near an enemy champion is near Moon, she gains bonus movement speed and attack damage. Movement Speed: 3% Stacking up to 5 times. Attack Damage: 2% Stacking up to 5 times. Range: 1000 units

Q Great Wounds Unit Target Cooldown : 15/14/13/11/10 Passive: Whenever Moon attacks a target, they get one stack of Great Wounds which adds extra true damage to her next subsequent attacks. Stacking up to four times. Extra Damage Per stack: 5/10/15/20/25. Stack Fall off: 10 seconds

Active: Moon can cast this ability to instantly apply all four stacks of Great Wounds onto the target, but she will not get the extra damage on her auto attacks for a short duration. Damage: 25/75/125/175/225 (+30% Attack Damage) Time until Bonus damage is applied to auto attacks: 3 seconds.

W Thrill Of The Hunt No Target Cooldown: 20/17/14/13/12 This ability can only be activated after Moon health goes below 50%

Moon can Activate this ability to increase her attack damage and attack speed for a short duration. If she attacks a target that has four stacks of Great Wounds, while this ability is active, she will stun the target for one second, this effect can not be used on the same target for a short while. Attack Damage Increase: 25/35/45/55/75. Attack Speed Increase: 20%/25%/30%/35%/40%. Stun cooldown: 5 seconds. Duration: 3 seconds.

E Time To Strike Unit Target Cooldown: 12/10/9/8/7 Moon takes her advantage in battle and quickly dashes to her target, the target is dealt damage and is knocked up and slowed for a short duration. Range: 1000 units. Damage: 50/100/150/175/215 (+60% Attack Damage) Slow speed: 15%/20%/25%/30%/35%. Slow duration: 3 seconds.

R Call The Pack No Target Cooldown 200/155/110 Moon Howls at the moon and calls forth her pack. She summons one wolf for each enemy champion and allied champion in a great distance. When the wolves reach there enemy champion, they will take damage and be slowed, also they will each be inflicted with four stacks of Great Wounds. When the wolves reach their allied champion, they will assist that champion, causing their next attack or spell to deal bonus magic damage. Radius: 3000. Damage: 100/200/300 (+70% attack Damage) Slow: 20%/35%/50%. Slow Duration: 3 seconds. Bonus ally damage: 20%/35%/50%

Note that there will be more things such as lines and other interactions, but I wanted to get her Lore and kit out before I did anymore.

Go check out my YouTube for some LoL Gameplay: https://youtube.com/user/TheTarians

8 Comments

showcase2510/29/2015, 8:58:59 PM2 votes

#CCOS Bonus – Champion Concept Review

My review style is and focused on four main things: Kit and kit cohesion, champion intentions versus kit, champion theme vs kit, and would it just work/fit in current LOL. These are aspects of concept design that I resonate with and feel that I can give the best feedback in. Also, prepare for a lot of comparisons.

##Overview

So Moon is a wolfish-humanish being, containing the best of both species. That’s cool, but due note that the overall champion idea will be possibly considered ‘redundant’ since we have that archetype filled with Warwick. Notable differences from Warwick (WW) seem to include: Moon has no ties to the human world, is female, and brings a unique aspect into the field (this will be highlighted later).

From my impression of the concept, see seems to be AA focused, dealing heavy physical damage, with additional means to deal even more damage through her AA. We understand that WW does some form of magic damage too, but his concept/playstyle is based off the same premise. What I’m really saying is your originality score may suffer due to this.

##Lore

Not my particular area expertise, but I do like what you have now, as you have it. Not every lore needs to be a well-crafted, perfectly flowing story. Your lore as written seems like an entry into the collection of stories about her origins, as told from town elder. In fact, if you want to spruce it up, you can make that the style with very little extra adding to it. She is the type of champion that other people could (and should) tell her story as they experienced it.

The story itself was is a slight spin to Rengar’s, at least from how I see it. It also fits into her tagline: “the Den Mother”, and even her unique name – Moon. Why she even calls herself that was a great arc in her story. Lastly, the quote at the end was a very nice touch. This also makes it feel like someone else is quoting her, telling her experience through their view. But how can someone else tell it, they were not there!? you ask. That’s great. It adds to her mystic and builds a presence since the whole truth is not known – and that’s a good thing.

##Stats

Here are some stats that stick out to me:

Health Regen – Way too low for level one, at 2.2, any damage would feel extra punishing since your regen is so low. Soraka has 2.5 level one, the lowest I saw so far, and she is a support. And the max is a standard deviation above the current max. So it is way too high. Nasus, for example, has 24 at level 18. Warwick is at a respectable 22. The growth here is the issue. Most champs grow at half your current rate per level. Just something to note.

This could all be reasoned if it was put somewhere in the lore or something. Quick example: Moon was very sick when the wolf cub found her, lacking strength with poor nutrition. Later as she grew, a change in her started to become more resolute than man or beast could on their own… etc, etc. Yet and still, 30 is still greater than the tankiest tanks in the game, so just change that.

Mana – a bit on the lower side. And since you haven’t stated the cost of the abilities, I can’t determine how impactful this low mana base is. I would place it near the 300s to feel level with other champs. Again, this could be a designed weakness for Moon. Is that the case? And the growth is strong. I can only see that as your balancing method

Mana Regen – same with health, except the average is about 6.5 across the board at level one. And average at level 18 is about 21. With 15.6, your mana cost must be really low. Or a designed weakness for your concept.

Magic Resist – nearly every champ in league starts between 30 to 33. Growth is dependent on melee or range auto attacks (as range does not grow per level). As a wolfish-human thing, I’m going to say she is melee, with the average MR growth of 1.25 around the league.

Movement speed – please put more emphasis on her speed in her back story with stating she will have the new highest base movement speed in the game. I can see the speed is needed for ‘hunting as a wolf’, but I feel like justification is lacking here. The slowest is at 325 and the fastest is at 355. You can knock it down 5 points to avoid questions to be honest. Knock it down by 10 so people don’t even notice it.

Range – it’s not listed, but just good information to have displayed. Also important to know if you have any reasons why your basic attack range would increase or something.

##Abilities

Passive: The Hunt Is On His passive fits perfectly theme wise. The takeaway is that she hunts as it’s in her true nature versus for the glory (like Rengar) or for the kill (like WW). The buffs fit into the theme of hunting. And mechanically are sound and balanced. I would change the wording for clarity: Moon gains XZY buffs when per enemy champions whenever they are visible and near her. This stacks up to a maximum of 5 times.

Also what could be noted if clones add to this bonus, because if it doesn’t it’s a huge nerf to any champion that makes clones/decoys. Lastly, it fits in well with the intended playstyle of constant and high AA damage with first hunting the target down. Range is good, as natural sight range is at 1200. You might even be able to increase the range by 100, but that might be pushing it.

Q: Great Wounds Passive Stacking damage per auto attack on the same target is a singular prey minded hunter. However, your stacks don’t fall off for 10 seconds. That’s a long time. Either knock it off per new target, or knock the duration way down. Say, 4 seconds for example. Otherwise it gives the thematically feel that she is an untargeted-and-attack-them-all hunter. Also

As for the extra damage, you need to state if it is physical or magical. As true damage, that 100 indefensible true damage per AA at max rank. Attack speed build anyone? People will reel back when they do quick math. I’m not the best judge of the level one power, but 20 true damage per AA still seems like a lot. Granted you have to stick to them and continuously attack, which shouldn’t be smart or sustainable.

Active There can be great confusion here… exactly how does all the stacks get placed on a target. AOE around her, last damaged target, next auto attack? Multiple targets or a single one? (Now a 10 second mark time would make more sense if multiple targets) Also, do targets need to have a stack first before all stacks can be applied instantly?

As for the damage, is that instantly damaging the target? Or what could be done per auto attack? If it is instant, lower the base damage at rank 4 and 5 and increase the AD ratio by 30%-40%. If it is per auto attack, fine as is. Lastly, the 3 second hold, is that before the passive damage per AA is held back because you dealt instant damage? Or because it’s per AA and you want to balance it? This balance route doesn’t feel right to me.

W: Thrill of the hunt There goes my theory for hunting only as her true nature… lol. I do like the requirement of this skill going only below 50% health. Now here is the issue with that, Non tanks tend not to live long enough to make an impact in a fight in late stages for this to feel strong. Even if you do gain stats. They are offensive and may not be utilized if you ahead (since you’re not really taking damage). This could be a design avenue to force players to consider tanky items / GA or enforce comeback plays in rare cases. The super long CD, the low health regen rate as it stands, movement speed buff from passive can open the option of a high risk playstyle.

The Great Wounds synergy is nice to see. It also creates multiple ‘ability level up path’, especially level 1-5. Playmakers can put more into W, while junglers/safer players can put more into Q. This is a great start to kit cohesion.

For a first… I really don’t have a suggestion on what to change this to. I wanted keep the health threshold portion and say make it activate whenever Moon goes below 50% health, but I don’t see that as a fun option, and would load yet another passive/active skill on her, which doesn’t feel like good design.

E: Time to Strike This is a very powerful ability, I see the balance with the extreme cooldown times, but still it’s a single target Malphite ultimate. It’s the range that makes it feel like that. And a slow on top of the knock up is overkill to me. (Ok… I know Cho’gath can do this, but still)

What I would change this to, also interacting with your Great Wounds, is to make her invulnerable to cc while she dashes to a target with 4 stacks. No one stops the Mother of the Den from providing. Then reduce the range dramatically, say 400, and the cooldown by half and remove the slow or the knock up.

R: Essence Destruction This is gold. I like this. Just a few points for clarity: where do the wolves source from? Moon her, or some other location? Extra hilarity for making them source from both sides wolf camp. (Do note, if Riot ever removes/replaces the wolves as a jungle creep, it won’t make sense. Also, you need to state the movement speed for each wolf of the pack. I also think you don’t need to be that brutal on the cooldown. 150 / 130 /110 feels appropriate. Next, you can raise the allied AA damage bonus ratio. I would do 30% / 40% / 50% Lastly, you can label this skill as Auto Targeted Area of Effect. The no target label is difficult to understand versus your skill description.

##Final Words

A few pieces of description for your abilities, and naming damage source types will go a long way. Lore was enjoyable and gave me a moment of the feels. Stats need rework unless you purposefully designed the stats that way.

Q: Passive: Change true damage to magic or physical flat damage and reduce stack duration mark down to 4 and/or change per newly attacked target. Active: make it apply on next auto attack, with the extra damage…. And I say you need to apply grievous wounds too. W: actually I don’t have many suggestions here on changes. Whatever changes if any, keep it available below the 50% health threshold. It’s a unique design aspect.

Kissin Buttons10/12/2015, 2:50:34 AM1 votes

I like the idea of this champ. please make more <3