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[Chapion Concept] Moon, The Den Mother

TheTarians··3 votes·1,103 views

Moon, The Den Mother

Lore Fang was abandoned on the night of her birth, her parents could not believe what they had brought into the world. They left her in a forest, hoping that the local wildlife would eat her. But such was not the case for young Fang. Fate had different ideas for her. As she cried out in the midst of the forest a young wolf pup came to her, the young pup howled out for its mother. When the mother had arrived they both had seen that this was no ordinary child that they looked upon. Fang was by the looks of her, a human, but by other features, a wolf herself. She had long flowing hair down to her feet, her eyes were those of a wolf and not of a human, and her teeth were not teeth, but fangs. The Wolves only saw her as a wolf though, and through reassurance they took Fang in with them as a new part of the pack. For many years Fang grew up with the wolf pack and started to become even more ferocious then their Alpha Male of the pack. Her new found abilities as a wolf, and the reasoning skill as human allowed her to tackle any challenge she faced. Eventually, she became the leader of her pack, and she had several children of her own. Don't ask how just know that she did. Her Prowess of the pack eventually grew so great that she became the new Alpha of the pack. She lead her own pack in the forest, ruthless and powerful they stalked anything that came into the forest. But one day, a memory came back to her. It was a memory of her birth, she saw her parents and their faces. She knew now that they must die. One fateful night, the couple old and fragile came into the woods where they had lied their daughter for her death. Fang and her hunting pack were easily able to pick up on their scent. When they had reached the couple, Fang held herself up high on a cliff's edge and howled towards the moon, and in an instant she leapt down and ordered her wolves to attack. In the couple's final moments they noticed their child amongst the fray and they both yelled, "Moon!" There was nothing but scraps left. Long after the attack, all that Moon could focus on was that one word.

"M-Moon. Is that my name?" --Moon

Stats: Health: 581 (+60 per level) Health Regen: 2.2 (Base) 25.6 (At level 18) = (+1.3 per level) Mana: 250 (+60 per level) Mana Regen: 1.2 (Base) 15.6 (At level 18) = (+0.8 per level) Armor: 27 (+3 per level) Magic Resist: 12.5 (+1.25 per level) Attack Damage: 71 (+3.3 per level) Attack speed: 0.681 (+4% per level) Movement speed: 360

Abilities

Passive The Hunt Is On! When near an enemy champion is near Moon, she gains bonus movement speed and attack damage. Movement Speed: 3% Stacking up to 5 times. Attack Damage: 2% Stacking up to 5 times. Range: 1000 units

Q Great Wounds Unit Target Cooldown : 15/14/13/11/10 Passive: Whenever Moon attacks a target, they get one stack of Great Wounds which adds extra true damage to her next subsequent attacks. Stacking up to four times. Extra Damage Per stack: 5/10/15/20/25. Stack Fall off: 10 seconds

Active: Moon can cast this ability to instantly apply all four stacks of Great Wounds onto the target, but she will not get the extra damage on her auto attacks for a short duration. Damage: 25/75/125/175/225 (+30% Attack Damage) Time until Bonus damage is applied to auto attacks: 3 seconds.

W Thrill Of The Hunt No Target Cooldown: 20/17/14/13/12 This ability can only be activated after Moon health goes below 50%

Moon can Activate this ability to increase her attack damage and attack speed for a short duration. If she attacks a target that has four stacks of Great Wounds, while this ability is active, she will stun the target for one second, this effect can not be used on the same target for a short while. Attack Damage Increase: 25/35/45/55/75. Attack Speed Increase: 20%/25%/30%/35%/40%. Stun cooldown: 5 seconds. Duration: 3 seconds.

E Time To Strike Unit Target Cooldown: 12/10/9/8/7 Moon takes her advantage in battle and quickly dashes to her target, the target is dealt damage and is knocked up and slowed for a short duration. Range: 1000 units. Damage: 50/100/150/175/215 (+60% Attack Damage) Slow speed: 15%/20%/25%/30%/35%. Slow duration: 3 seconds.

R Call The Pack No Target Cooldown 200/155/110 Moon Howls at the moon and calls forth her pack. She summons one wolf for each enemy champion and allied champion in a great distance. When the wolves reach there enemy champion, they will take damage and be slowed, also they will each be inflicted with four stacks of Great Wounds. When the wolves reach their allied champion, they will assist that champion, causing their next attack or spell to deal bonus magic damage. Radius: 3000. Damage: 100/200/300 (+70% attack Damage) Slow: 20%/35%/50%. Slow Duration: 3 seconds. Bonus ally damage: 20%/35%/50%

Note that there will be more things such as lines and other interactions, but I wanted to get her Lore and kit out before I did anymore.

Go check out my YouTube for some LoL Gameplay: https://youtube.com/user/TheTarians

8 Comments

showcase252 votes

#CCOS Bonus – Champion Concept Review

My review style is and focused on four main things: Kit and kit cohesion, champion intentions versus kit, champion theme vs kit, and would it just work/fit in current LOL. These are aspects of concept design that I resonate with and feel that I can give the best feedback in. Also, prepare for a lot of comparisons.

##Overview

So Moon is a wolfish-humanish being, containing the best of both species. That’s cool, but due note that the overall champion idea will be possibly considered ‘redundant’ since we have that archetype filled with Warwick. Notable differences from Warwick (WW) seem to include: Moon has no ties to the human world, is female, and brings a unique aspect into the field (this will be highlighted later).

From my impression of the concept, see seems to be AA focused, dealing heavy physical damage, with additional means to deal even more damage through her AA. We understand that WW does some form of magic damage too, but his concept/playstyle is based off the same premise. What I’m really saying is your originality score may suffer due to this.

##Lore

Not my particular area expertise, but I do like what you have now, as you have it. Not every lore needs to be a well-crafted, perfectly flowing story. Your lore as written seems like an entry into the collection of stories about her origins, as told from town elder. In fact, if you want to spruce it up, you can make that the style with very little extra adding to it. She is the type of champion that other people could (and should) tell her story as they experienced it.

The story itself was is a slight spin to Rengar’s, at least from how I see it. It also fits into her tagline: “the Den Mother”, and even her unique name – Moon. Why she even calls herself that was a great arc in her story. Lastly, the quote at the end was a very nice touch. This also makes it feel like someone else is quoting her, telling her experience through their view. But how can someone else tell it, they were not there!? you ask. That’s great. It adds to her mystic and builds a presence since the whole truth is not known – and that’s a good thing.

##Stats

Here are some stats that stick out to me:

Health Regen – Way too low for level one, at 2.2, any damage would feel extra punishing since your regen is so low. Soraka has 2.5 level one, the lowest I saw so far, and she is a support. And the max is a standard deviation above the current max. So it is way too high. Nasus, for example, has 24 at level 18. Warwick is at a respectable 22. The growth here is the issue. Most champs grow at half your current rate per level. Just something to note.

This could all be reasoned if it was put somewhere in the lore or something. Quick example: Moon was very sick when the wolf cub found her, lacking strength with poor nutrition. Later as she grew, a change in her started to become more resolute than man or beast could on their own… etc, etc. Yet and still, 30 is still greater than the tankiest tanks in the game, so just change that.

Mana – a bit on the lower side. And since you haven’t stated the cost of the abilities, I can’t determine how impactful this low mana base is. I would place it near the 300s to feel level with other champs. Again, this could be a designed weakness for Moon. Is that the case? And the growth is strong. I can only see that as your balancing method

Mana Regen – same with health, except the average is about 6.5 across the board at level one. And average at level 18 is about 21. With 15.6, your mana cost must be really low. Or a designed weakness for your concept.

Magic Resist – nearly every champ in league starts between 30 to 33. Growth is dependent on melee or range auto attacks (as range does not grow per level). As a wolfish-human thing, I’m going to say she is melee, with the average MR growth of 1.25 around the league.

Movement speed – please put more emphasis on her speed in her back story with stating she will have the new highest base movement speed in the game. I can see the speed is needed for ‘hunting as a wolf’, but I feel like justification is lacking here. The slowest is at 325 and the fastest is at 355. You can knock it down 5 points to avoid questions to be honest. Knock it down by 10 so people don’t even notice it.

Range – it’s not listed, but just good information to have displayed. Also important to know if you have any reasons why your basic attack range would increase or something.

##Abilities

Passive: The Hunt Is On His passive fits perfectly theme wise. The takeaway is that she hunts as it’s in her true nature versus for the glory (like Rengar) or for the kill (like WW). The buffs fit into the theme of hunting. And mechanically are sound and balanced. I would change the wording for clarity: Moon gains XZY buffs when per enemy champions whenever they are visible and near her. This stacks up to a maximum of 5 times.

Also what could be noted if clones add to this bonus, because if it doesn’t it’s a huge nerf to any champion that makes clones/decoys. Lastly, it fits in well with the intended playstyle of constant and high AA damage with first hunting the target down. Range is good, as natural sight range is at 1200. You might even be able to increase the range by 100, but that might be pushing it.

Q: Great Wounds Passive Stacking damage per auto attack on the same target is a singular prey minded hunter. However, your stacks don’t fall off for 10 seconds. That’s a long time. Either knock it off per new target, or knock the duration way down. Say, 4 seconds for example. Otherwise it gives the thematically feel that she is an untargeted-and-attack-them-all hunter. Also

As for the extra damage, you need to state if it is physical or magical. As true damage, that 100 indefensible true damage per AA at max rank. Attack speed build anyone? People will reel back when they do quick math. I’m not the best judge of the level one power, but 20 true damage per AA still seems like a lot. Granted you have to stick to them and continuously attack, which shouldn’t be smart or sustainable.

Active There can be great confusion here… exactly how does all the stacks get placed on a target. AOE around her, last damaged target, next auto attack? Multiple targets or a single one? (Now a 10 second mark time would make more sense if multiple targets) Also, do targets need to have a stack first before all stacks can be applied instantly?

As for the damage, is that instantly damaging the target? Or what could be done per auto attack? If it is instant, lower the base damage at rank 4 and 5 and increase the AD ratio by 30%-40%. If it is per auto attack, fine as is. Lastly, the 3 second hold, is that before the passive damage per AA is held back because you dealt instant damage? Or because it’s per AA and you want to balance it? This balance route doesn’t feel right to me.

W: Thrill of the hunt There goes my theory for hunting only as her true nature… lol. I do like the requirement of this skill going only below 50% health. Now here is the issue with that, Non tanks tend not to live long enough to make an impact in a fight in late stages for this to feel strong. Even if you do gain stats. They are offensive and may not be utilized if you ahead (since you’re not really taking damage). This could be a design avenue to force players to consider tanky items / GA or enforce comeback plays in rare cases. The super long CD, the low health regen rate as it stands, movement speed buff from passive can open the option of a high risk playstyle.

The Great Wounds synergy is nice to see. It also creates multiple ‘ability level up path’, especially level 1-5. Playmakers can put more into W, while junglers/safer players can put more into Q. This is a great start to kit cohesion.

For a first… I really don’t have a suggestion on what to change this to. I wanted keep the health threshold portion and say make it activate whenever Moon goes below 50% health, but I don’t see that as a fun option, and would load yet another passive/active skill on her, which doesn’t feel like good design.

E: Time to Strike This is a very powerful ability, I see the balance with the extreme cooldown times, but still it’s a single target Malphite ultimate. It’s the range that makes it feel like that. And a slow on top of the knock up is overkill to me. (Ok… I know Cho’gath can do this, but still)

What I would change this to, also interacting with your Great Wounds, is to make her invulnerable to cc while she dashes to a target with 4 stacks. No one stops the Mother of the Den from providing. Then reduce the range dramatically, say 400, and the cooldown by half and remove the slow or the knock up.

R: Essence Destruction This is gold. I like this. Just a few points for clarity: where do the wolves source from? Moon her, or some other location? Extra hilarity for making them source from both sides wolf camp. (Do note, if Riot ever removes/replaces the wolves as a jungle creep, it won’t make sense. Also, you need to state the movement speed for each wolf of the pack. I also think you don’t need to be that brutal on the cooldown. 150 / 130 /110 feels appropriate. Next, you can raise the allied AA damage bonus ratio. I would do 30% / 40% / 50% Lastly, you can label this skill as Auto Targeted Area of Effect. The no target label is difficult to understand versus your skill description.

##Final Words

A few pieces of description for your abilities, and naming damage source types will go a long way. Lore was enjoyable and gave me a moment of the feels. Stats need rework unless you purposefully designed the stats that way.

Q: Passive: Change true damage to magic or physical flat damage and reduce stack duration mark down to 4 and/or change per newly attacked target. Active: make it apply on next auto attack, with the extra damage…. And I say you need to apply grievous wounds too. W: actually I don’t have many suggestions here on changes. Whatever changes if any, keep it available below the 50% health threshold. It’s a unique design aspect.

showcase251 votes

apparently hit a character limit.

E: reduce the range and the cool down for the dash. You can even add some more interaction if Great Wounds if desired. R: Original, Balanced, and just plain cool. This is a great ability. Just need to identify where the pack of wolves source from and how fast they run to allies and enemies. It has to be from no one else than the Den Mother herself, I hope. And finally, change up the slow. Slow cc chain is possible with E is possible, which could be her strongest takedown tool. Decrease the duration or have it start high and rapidly decrease over time are some options

Great start you have here. I know you will be adding more to it later, and I can’t wait to see it. Best of luck in the contest too!

TheTarians1 votes

Aight, so I would like to go through some of what I was thinking at the time of this characters creation. to contrast with what you are saying.

Overview For the entirety of the WW copies. I never intended this at all. when I picture Moon, I still see a human but that seems to have wolf like feature (I.E> the eyes, the teeth, the hair and the claws). while I do still see where you are coming from with this in how she can be said to be a copy of WW. But a few ideas around that is that she does not have a passive lifesteal with her AA, and that the Passive of great wounds is only applicable if you have leveled the Q ability.

Lore Not much to say here, I can see how she can be compared to Rengar here. Although, Like I believe you said, Moon hunts more for survival, then she does for the glory.

Stats the mana part, is something I messed up on and neglected to realize what I did. the original design I had for Moon was to be more of a caster type character, but once I got to the abilities I could not stop myself from making her more of an assassin or fighter type of character. Also, the high ratios only going dramatically up during late game is a touch a did want to add. It basically makes her one of those Ride OR Die character. Kind of like when you go top Jax. Jax can be good but he REALLY needs a good early game to be good.

This was my second character that actually had stats, so it was harder for me to make them. Although I will take your advice and make her base MR 32, her movespeed 355 and her range something like 125 or 150, idk whatever a normal melee range is.

Kit Going into the kit, I would like to thank you for your compliments of the Passive and the W. But I am here to talk about other things than those.

Q: passive the true damage was mostly just a place holder in the entirety of it all. I was not sure whether to make it physical or magical, but with the wanting to get away from a WW clone I will make it physical. I will also make the stacks drop off after 4 seconds. Q: active The 4 stacks are applied through unit target, in other words she has to be within her attack range of a target to apply them to a single target. the 3 second buffer is the amount of time it will take for the bonus damage of her stacks to actually get applied to her AA. Let's say that you have 150 damage on your AA as Moon and you want to just apply all 4 stacks to get more dmg. If you use her active Q. you will not get the extra damage until 3 seconds after the ability has been applied to the target.

E I will take your advice on the E and make the proper changes.

R the wolves come from Moon. If they did not it may be kind of weird and hard to anticipate who you would be hitting. And if they did come from the wolf camps I feel like it would make her into more of a comedic character.

The Next Final Words All in all, I really thank you for the feedback, I want to make this character the best it can be.

showcase251 votes

Overview

Hey, I wasn't rain on your creativity parade. I was trying to say that the judges may ding you on originality since easy comparisons/similarities will be in the forefront of there minds. But then again, I'm no judge and just playing armchair psychologist here.

Also, the more you expand on the differences, the more I see the novelty in your concept. The skill point needed versus passive benefits from aa is, to me at least, a huge point of difference

Lore

I think the survival aspect fits more with her tagline of providing for those in her den. This is something as a champion personality and motivational factor that can carry over into kit expectations and theme building.

Stats

All good changes, and as for late game crazy scaling, that's fine too. It's just that it's greater then those who type excels at them. Like the crazy health regeneration that's greater than Nasus.

Kit

Q passive - all good changes in my book. I too agree with the official damage portion. Not to mention the super heavy AD focus you have in your kit.

Q active - thanks for the clarification. Now it makes sense. May want to add a little section fully explaining the mechanics to give the same clarity to the judges.

E - 👍

R - I understand now. It just wasn't explicitly stated. Maybe I am too analytical.

The Next Final Words

My pleasure. And I know she will be. Again, best of luck.

Kissin Buttons1 votes

I like the idea of this champ. please make more <3

TheTarians1 votes

I have a couple of others, let me link them.

http://boards.na.leagueoflegends.com/en/c/skin-champion-concepts/cUk8AxBM-champion-concept-tilken-the-void-wolf-concept-art-wanted-but-not-needed

http://boards.na.leagueoflegends.com/en/c/skin-champion-concepts/8jAGMsgy-ace-the-bladecrafter

http://boards.na.leagueoflegends.com/en/c/fancreations/BHYFdc4x-creating-my-own-champion

the last one was my first ever Idea so it is not the best.

monkeyfreek1 votes

I HAVE TO SAY THIS AWFUL GO BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL THEN GET A SCHOLARSHIP TO COLLEGE CUZ BOY I AIN'T PAYIN BUT IS ALL GOOD*

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