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Shaali - The Mind of the Void

A2O·6/15/2016, 12:29:49 PM·2 votes·602 views

Shaali, the Mind of the Void Male Void/Urtistan Without age Secondary bar: Knowledge

Shaali was once a creature of the void, without form, without gender, without a name. Suddenly all of this changed. Shaali, wandering the vastness of the void, discovered the world of Runeterra, a magical, unpredictable place. Wanting to know more, Shaali ripped through the void’s boundaries using his unique gift of gravity bending. The moment Shaali stepped himself onto the ground, he was filled with new senses. Shaali had not come alone, his fellow voidlings had followed him through the rip, the other voidlings had but one mission, to destroy. Shaali, unlike the other voidlings, wished to learn more about the curious world, so he killed off the other voidlings. Soon enough, he came upon a vast city in a green forest, Shaali recognised it as Urtsitan, the city of magic. Shaali wanted nothing but to become a regular human so that he could continue his studies without being harmed. In a grasp of desperation Shaali told the people of Urtistan his wish, in quick realisation the sorcerers of the city changed Shaali into a human, but, the transformation was not complete, Shaali still had his void powers, at a last chance of transformation, Shaali went to the Institute of War to seek help for his problems.

P: Acquire/Knowledge Acquire: Every five spells Shaali will enhance his next ability. Knowledge: Shaali gains knowledge over the course of the game by killing enemy units or waiting 10 seconds for 15 knowledges. If at any time Shaali has 300 knowledge, he can upgrade an ability except for his Ultimate Ability. This upgrade lasts for 10 minutes.

Q: Void Traverse

Shaali bends gravity so that he can fly for 2-4 seconds over terrain using the cursor. Knowledge: Shaali flies 4 more seconds

W: Geo-Chem Shaali Sends out a powerful blast in a cone, dealing a percentage of true Damage. Acquire: The cone gets wider.

E: G-Force Shaali bends gravity to fling an enemy to him dealing magic damage. Acquire: Shaali will slam the enemy down into the ground, stunning them.

R: Negative-G Shaali forces the gravity on the whole map to pull all enemy Champions into the air, After a short delay Shaali slams them down, stunning them and dealing physical damage.

Quotes:

Selection: I will be rid of this place soon anyway.

Moving: I’m still getting used to these. (Legs) I have walked this road before. Stop clicking, your hurting my ears. How is your mouse not broken? Knowledge, is the essence of creation. To battle fellow allies. One step, one destiny. Waddle Waddle Waddle - Rarest

Attacking: If I only I had my old body… I will destroy you. Your lucky I’m killing you. Don’t worry, it’ll be quick. I will make your species extinct. I will slam you down into the core of the earth. Or up, doesn't matter - Rarest

Joke: Gravity, is not your friend. If you wish to die, come to my history lessons. Always look backwards, never forward, or, wait, is it the other way round.. Darn…. - Rarest

Taunt (Please note that these taunts for specific characters are rare due to the taunts for all Void Characters) :

Vel’Koz: Your method of research is disturbing. I will end you. The mind controls the eyes… But… You only have one…

Kassadin: Teleportation huh, I can bend gravity! You're not from the void, human. Is it me, or does your weapon blend into the background. Huh.

Malzahar: Oh your, creatures are so cute, I’m going to kill them! Are you trying to hug me? Or is that your weak attack? How does your spaghetti taste? Oops. That’s your ult isn’t it?

Rek’Sai You sound like a dolphin. Your tunnels look like soup. I can dance better than you!

Kog’Maw Ewww… Gross Oh no, look who’s chasing me…zhonya sound I can do that too, barf noises cough

Cho’Gath I can do that too… Nom Nom You? Eating the world? PPFFFTTT You eat like a sloth

Kha’Zix You look like a bird… I mean insect… I mean… UGLY Scissor hands… Rengar? I’m the problem

Any Void Character: Mindless bugs. Go back to the void! You don’t belong here!

Any Ionian: Your meditative ways will do you nothing. I appreciate your people’s history, but that’s long gone.

Any Noxian:

War War Blah Blah, you couldn’t even defeat the weak Ionians. And I thought the Demacians were patriotic.

Any Demacian:

Stop screaming Demacia… Jeez.

Any Yordle:

My head is bigger than your body. Short, weak, dumb, huh.

Any Bilgewater Character:

So much Salt gasp You guys fight too much.

Zilean: We will work together friend - Ally Zil I once did think you were useful, but your history wasn’t bright - Enemy Zil

Dance: Switches between a stage and multiple void creatures being summoned and dancing, and a mini version of all Void Characters (Except for Shaali) dancing around Shaali while he looks at them in amusement.

Appearance:

Two eyes, one big one small, smaller one on top of the big one. Legs that look pinkish (colour of velkoz’s tentacles). Mouth right under bigger eye. Purple Arms. Clocks on both arms.

(More details to be added soon)

This is me and my friend's first champion Concept, so pleas be kind ;-;

3 Comments

Psychoaryama6/16/2016, 3:31:11 AM1 votes

This looks like a concept that can be worked with. First I'd like to warn you that while everyone wants your champion to be well-balanced both with its own abilities and when interacting with other champions (no one wants an overpowered champion, but no one wants an underpowered one either), to get up-votes you also need to offer a bold new playstyle. You're off to a great start with the idea of Knowledge as a new alternative to Mana, but overall usage of the new form of power could use some work, along with the abilities. Also, people like to see numbers for things like the champion's basic stats, the damage an ability will deal (if any), the duration of a continuous ability, the range of an ability if it's long-range but limited (for example, Lux and Vel'Koz's ults are long-range but they're not world-wide so they do have a set range), cooldowns for abilities, etc. To figure out good numbers, I'd suggest just looking up a few champions on google, and especially champions that have similar roles to yours (if you make a mage, look up a few mages to see their stats; if you make a tank, look up a few tanks to see their stats). For range the general rule of thumb is that Teemo is approximately 100 units wide, so if something has a range of 400 units, then it's approximately 4 Teemos. Also, if you're going to create a champion from a specific location, and especially the Void, make sure their appearance and personalities in some way align to their location of origin. The Void is especially important because it follows a slight pattern: all Void champions are hungry for something. Cho'Gath, Kog'Maw, and Rek'Sai are just constantly hungry for food; Kha'Zix is hungry for its perfect evolution; and Vel'Koz is hungry for knowledge. They're all also in some way rather hostile, with Vel'Koz being the only one whose hostility and violence are in the name of science rather than pure destruction for destruction's sake, but none of them really have any opinion one way or another about the crossing from the Void to Runeterra; each of them is only interested in their own wellbeing. Since your champion seems to be focused on knowledge, perhaps better taunts than "Go back to the Void" and "You don't belong here" would be something along the lines of "You're interrupting my research! Go home!" or "Fascinating, you're even more hideous than I had imagined. I suppose the light does assist research around here after all." Also, in terms of appearance, since his transformation into a human failed, he isn't wearing any other clothing (and for that matter, no Voidborn wears any clothing), and his abilities have almost nothing to do with time, I'd suggest removing the clocks from his arms.

Before I say any more, I just want to say that all of this is only meant to be constructive. I tend to sound cold and heartless when writing, and I know how it feels when someone seems like they're bashing your idea. I'm not trying to be mean, just offering suggestions to help make this concept better.

Now then, on to the abilities.

Passive.) For the passive, it's a little confusing; Acquire is supposed to empower the next ability, but it doesn't appear to have any effect on Q. Does that mean there is no effect if the Acquire bonus happens to be used on a Q, is Q the only ability that doesn't trigger Acquire, or is there an effect that you just forgot? If you don't have an acquire bonus for that one, perhaps it should be that when he lands he deals damage to whoever he lands on, since Knowledge appears to extend the duration of the flight. That said, none of the other abilities appear to use Knowledge, making it hard to use up (if it even can be used up), and if the champion gains 300 knowledge, which he can do passively, he can upgrade an ability for 10 minutes. At 15 knowledge per 10 seconds, he'll have an upgrade available once every 3.33 minutes in games that last 30-45 minutes long on average, and the upgrades last 10 minutes each. That would leave enemies dealing with a champion with abilities 2-3 levels higher than they should be at all times, and that's without the bonuses from killing units. In character terms, a unit is any character, from minions to monsters and even champions, so having knowledge increase with each "unit" kill could greatly reduce the amount of time it takes for the champion to get the next upgrade. Of course, this is all assuming he can have more than one upgrade at a time; a clarification might be helpful where it says that only one ability can be upgraded by Knowledge at a time. I wouldn't like the idea of knowledge being used up like Mana since that defeats the whole point of making it anything other than Mana. Perhaps it would also be helpful to add the condition that Knowledge and upgrades obtained from Knowledge both disappear upon death, and maybe increase the amount of time it takes to earn Knowledge, and maybe limit the units that can increase Knowledge to Champions. 5 minutes would also probably be the maximum amount of time I'd suggest the upgrades to last.

Q.) This looks kind of like Aurelion Sol's Comet of Legend ability, but lasting less time in exchange for increased directional control. Since another champion has this ability, I'd suggest making it a bit more unique than changing control style somehow, just because like I said earlier people like things to be unique. Perhaps we could start by making him levitate rather than just fly like Aurelion Sol does. Next, since his arms and legs are still somewhat like Vel'Koz's tentacles, maybe two magical beams can extend out below him, causing damage to anyone underneath, and additional physical damage if he lands on them at the end of the ability's duration. The beams would have a space in between them large enough for the average humanoid champion to pass through, and they'd turn with Shaali (speaking of which, just saying, all Voidborn so far have an apostrophe somewhere in the middle of their names, so maybe he can be Shaa'li). The Knowledge bonus on this ability seems to be a bit much. Given a champion can get killed in 0.5 seconds if they're not careful, an ability that lasts 2-4 seconds is already pretty long, and then extending that another 4 seconds just seems way too much. Perhaps the Knowledge bonus would be him wising up and firing a beam from his feet as well, removing the one path through the beams that enemies would have. As for my suggestion to give this ability an Acquire bonus, since I just suggested that the landing damage be normal for the ability, maybe his Acquire bonus would be that the beams will damage terrain underneath him, breaking holes through walls that both allies and enemies can pass through for a certain period of time. That would make for a cool new way to play: a champion that cuts its own paths because screw the norm. It didn't waste time with its Voidborn brethren, it's certainly not going to waste time going around stupid walls, he's got research to do and doesn't have time for that crap, nor does he have time to wait for his worthless allies to catch up with him while they go around the walls like friggin normal people, this isn't V.1.0 anymore damnit!

W.) The idea of dealing damage in a cone is already used as well, which I'm sure is why you adjusted it by giving it both true damage and the chance to get wider. But those don't seem quite unique enough, and the true damage thing just seems a bit OP since true damage ignores all armor and magic resistance, making it almost impossible to defend against for most champions. Most Voidborn deal magic damage, so perhaps it can start by dealing magic damage. I'll add true damage back in just a moment. Acquire sounds like he's obtaining certain new skills that he didn't know about before, so maybe he learns a bonus based on the last effect that was cast upon him. If an opponent slowed him last, he slows opponents that he hits with this ability; if he was stunned, he stuns his opponent; if he was rooted, he roots his opponent; etc. And if none of that happened in let's say 30 seconds, then he deals an additional amount of damage that is the same as the last type of damage he was dealt (if he was dealt physical damage, he deals physical damage; if he was dealt magic damage, he deals more magic damage; if he was dealt true damage, he deals some true damage). If you want to add a Knowledge bonus to this ability as well, then that's where true damage comes back into this ability. When this ability gains a Knowledge upgrade, Shaali gains enough knowledge to know how to get past people's defenses, so all damage this ability deals is treated as true damage, bypassing all armor and magic resist. Of course even as I was writing that it still sounded a bit OP, so maybe he just increases both his armor penetration and his magic penetration by a certain percentage.

E.) This ability is actually pretty unique, so I'll start by saying good job on that since I know how hard it is to come up with unique stuff around here. His acquire is also nice, but overall this actually still looks vaguely like Blitzcrank's Q since it pulls the enemy in, and then maybe immediately followed by his E which knocks the enemy up for a moment, similar to the Acquire bonus's stun. The ability itself seems really useful, but maybe it could be worded a bit better. Maybe it pulls all enemies within a certain radius from Shaali, but they also keep moving in whatever direction they were originally moving. This would mean that if Shaali isn't moving and an affected enemy runs to the left side of the screen, they would be moving both to the left and towards Shaali; if they move to the right of the screen, they move both to the right and towards Shaali; if they're moving upwards; they move up and towards Shaali; and if they move downwards then they move down and towards Shaali. If they're moving in the opposite direction of Shaali, they will still be pulled towards him, but at a much slower rate; if they're already moving towards him, they fly into and maybe even through him much at a much faster pace. This will allow for the units to actually miss Shaali entirely depending on where they were going relative to him at the time the ability was activated.

Psychoaryama6/16/2016, 3:51:12 AM1 votes

E.) cont. When an enemy runs into Shaali after being flung around like that, maybe they will be damaged by a certain amount (probably physical damage since they are physically hitting Shaali. Then maybe the Acquire bonus can be that when an opponent runs into Shaali while caught in this, he "acquires" (steals) their weapons as they pass by and gains the passive effects/stat bonuses of a random item owned by the opponent (no bonus if it's a monster that has nothing). If a Knowledge bonus were to be added to this ability, perhaps he could "gain knowledge" on orbits and be able to select an affected unit that he can then cause to orbit him, dealing damage to both the unit and any units he hits for the duration of this ability. He can also probably deal damage to the unit by causing them to hit walls and turrets, and maybe even deals some damage to the turrets based on the selected unit's armor (harder objects would deal more damage to things they hit).

R.) I like this ability, but it feels like it's missing something. I'll start off by suggesting that while levitated, perhaps enemy units are still able to use abilities, but are unable to basic attack. Perhaps the slamming down can also leave pits in the ground for a short amount of time, "tripping" (silencing for 0.5 seconds as they try to regain their footing) enemy units that step on them. Perhaps the Acquire bonus could be that if an enemy champion is within a certain radius of Shaali, then he can select them in the time before they are slammed down and for the next 3/4/5 seconds his ultimate becomes a random ability "acquired" from the selected champion. Then, after those 3-5 seconds are up, the ability goes on cooldown.

Those are my ideas on this champion. Like I said, it can definitely be worked with, and I know this is your first champion concept, so you just need more practice making these and balancing them as well as some practice making things unique enough for people on this site to like them. Again, people like as much detail as possible on the abilities including numbers for everything, consistency with the lore of Runeterra/the Void/wherever the champion comes from, and unique abilities they've never seen before that could make fighting with the champion more interesting. Don't be discouraged by downvotes or even just a lack of upvotes, people around here are just extremely critical of ideas they don't think are perfect.

Psychoaryama6/16/2016, 5:40:21 PM1 votes

Oh, yeah, another thing I forgot to warn you about: almost no one here offers help or even says anything unless the champion is either really good or really bad, so if no one's offering feedback and people just keep down-voting you, ignore them because most likely they're just trolls.