A public apology to "crimsonlollies" & "Floodlights"

Recently I was given a 14 day suspension, and while many would come to the forums with the hopes of requesting an unban, or claiming they have done nothing wrong; I come only to formally and openly apologize to two players whom I've unfortunately (and unreasonably) taken my aggression out on. I know it would be inappropriate to message these individuals personally for they probably do not wish to hear from me or hear an "excuse" on my behavior, but alas I feel as if I should make amends without excuses. So here goes.

I've had time to reflect on what exactly went wrong to make me turn into such a crude player lately, and despite the bitter loss of my Silver standing for Season 4, and the successive drop into Bronze 5, I feel that I have done you wrong in so many ways that even the plummet to Bronze cannot justify. I understand that this community is built on trust and collaboration, and I unfortunately gave you two neither. I was vile and spoke hideously towards you in ways I would never in my life wish someone to speak to me. I gave you no assistance in game because of my fury, and even began to blame deflect in the most childlike of ways. I would just like you two to know that it was in no way fair for me to speak so ill of you, to you, it was in no way your fault nor did you contribute to this in any way beyond what the normal person would feel when being harassed. The blame entirely rests with me.

We all know how tiring it is going match after match, defeat after defeat, from one toxic team, to another troll team, until the very sweat on our palms calls out for the /ff before we even hit 20 minutes. I would just like you both to know that I am so profoundly sorry, and no matter how many times I say it, it will never take back those 40 minutes of your life spent trying to defend your champ and your mind from the attacks both magical/physical/true, and (worse) verbally from your enemies/teammates alike. Too often do I repress the toxicity from the last match and forward it along to the next team I queue with, too often I fail to recognize that this game isn't just "my" hobby, it's everyone's hobby/lifestyle/daily fun. It's a source of unparalleled joy and entertainment to countless people just like me (and you two as well), who strive for the next win, fight til the last flash has been popped from both teams, and ulti insane amounts of damage for the baron steal just to end up becoming another notch in the pentakill. Despite all these challenges we face I would like you to know that you are both incredible people who I should have never mistreated due to my own selfish feelings, whatever they may be, and I hope that my actions have in no way diminished your love for this game.

I sit here counting down the time until my ban is lifted today, and all I can think is that if I had a chance to pick up that last match we played together, I would have done it so differently, been more sportsmanlike, been truer to the standards of what it means to be a player in a League of Legends. I am not that toxic troll you met on the rift, I am not the blame deflecting piece of work who bombards his team with abuse. I hope that you will read this and see how truly the sorrow of knowing that I have done to you what so many people have done to me truly tears me apart. I congratulate Riot for justly punishing my misbehavior and solemnly vow to you both that I will take every course of action to make sure that just because I was given mass doses of toxicity in some match with some people does NOT mean that I should succumb to the same brand of internet trollery and impose it on you.

I sincerely hope your days playing League are filled with Pentakills, Baron steals, epic turret dives, and plenty of camaraderie, not trolls. Crimsonlollies and Floodlights, I hope the rift treats you well, and you enjoy everything this game has to offer, without the hassle of toxic trolls and video game verbal abusers. I am sorry we didn't meet under better circumstances, and if we ever meet again on the rift I hope that I can show you that this is not all talk, and I am not the person you met in that match. Have a wonderful day and try to take it easy.

Sincerely, Dega "UnfathomableWin" Dizard.