How to Lose Games (Results May Vary)
Hello, I'm I Like Things. Some of you may know me, many of you probably don't. I'm bored so I decided to type this up, I'm hoping the community sees the humor on display while sadly being mired in real happenings we all know (and love).
Method #1 : Focus all of your energy on what your teammates are doing wrong (at ALL times, no exceptions). They just died 1v1? Call them on it. Their CS isn't up to your standard of what defines a good player? Call them on it. You're being ruined in your own solo lane (either 1v1 or due to jungle pressure + your aggression - this is entirely irrelevant, why am I mentioning it?) while your team is refusing to help? Call them on it. The name of this method is blame. Everyone but yourself that is.
Rate of Success for method #1 : 75-90%
Method #2 : This involves method 1 but assumes that you're an absolute beast during lane phase. Let's assume that at the 9 minute mark you're playing Riven top lane and have managed to snowball yourself to a 2 level lead + full item without any help from your jungler, this was literally all you. Your skill. Your 1v1 prowess. Moving on to how this involves method 1 (as previously stated) - you carry all of the traits in method 1 while making absolutely sure to never leave your lane. Laugh about how bad your teammates are as they continue to have a difficult time in their respective lane while (and this is important!) constantly farming your own lane and refusing to make any proactive roams. Everyone on your team is awful at the game except you, right? Let them know it and play accordingly.
Rate of Success for method #2 : 80-100%
Method #3 : Very basic strategy here. Just feed your heart out. High probability of being banned though, I'd recommend using option 1 or 2 honestly but they do require a modicum of effort. This one requires virtually no effort, you could just click once to an inhibitor turret every time you spawned and the rest of this method is auto pilot.
Rate of Success for method #3 : 80-100%
Method #4 : Play without a brain.
Don't think, just wham those buttons on your keyboard. Who cares about objective/map control or your teammates, just go in and rake in for kills! You will not look like an asshole or troll in any shape or form, but only a bad player. And what's good about that? You will be free from (almost) all punishments. You get to have fun too!
Rate of Success for method #4: 75%-90%
#All credit due to Cancerous Lulu for this brilliant submission.
Bonus points for extra insurance toward losing with any of these methods : start spamming /ff IMMEDIATELY at 20:00. Have that shit typed up at 19:57 and be ready to press enter DIRECTLY at 20:00 - increased chance for success : +15-30%.
SEE YOU ON THE RIFT, SUMMONERS! [slayer-pantheon-thumbs]
