Here's a parody of a sacred gem. . .
The story of a random 
main. . .
I was walking through Summoner's Rift, and a 
walks up to me and hands me the latest 
.
"Run faster, Jump higher."
Man, I'm not gonna let you poison me.
I THREW IT ON THE GROUND!!!!
You must think I'm a joke. I ain't gonna be part of this system. MAN!!! Pump that garbage in another man's face.
I got to my favorite ganking lane, and 
says:
"You gank here all the time! Here's a support kill."
I said, "Man, what do I look like? A Bronze Rank?" I took it. . .
AND THREW IT ON THE GROUND!!!!
I don't need your support kills!
I'm Platinum Rank!!!
Please! You can't give me support kills, man!
At the mid lane turret with my so called 
girlfriend, she hands me her light shield, says,
"I'm support."
Man, you ain't Support! You're a mid laner!
I THREW HER ON THE GROUND!!!
What you think I'm stupid? I'm not a part of this system! Mid lane's not SUPPORT!!!
DUH!!!!
Some 
baker calls upon the stars for 
bread. What you want me to do with this? Eat it?
I CALL UPON THE GROUND!!!!
I THREW HIS PIE SHIELD TOO!!!
Welcome to the real world, JACKASS!!!
So many things to throw on the ground. . .
Like this. . .
And this. . .
And that. . .
And even 
this!
I'M PLATINUM RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK!!!!!
Two Rito Phonies try to give me a new skin. . .
GRRROOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNDDDD!!!
Nobody wants your new skin! PHONIES!!
Then the two phonies got up, turn out they had a nerf patch. And they nerfed me in the butthole. My ult got reduced, the phonies didn't let up! Nerfing on my ultimate, oh fuck and oh fuck! I was screaming, and skirming, my nerf patch was on fire!
The Moral of the Story is: You can't trust the system!!!!
MAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN!!!