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The Noob's Dictionary

Icestar1186·6/1/2015, 7:13:44 AM·122 votes·8,175 views

So we all know that there are people who don't seem to understand what you are saying. They never coordinate with the team, they don't seem to understand basic instructions, and then they blame you when everything goes wrong. But, have you ever considered why? Maybe they're just using a different set of definitions.

(Please note: The following is for humor and should not NOT be taken as real strategic advice.)

Group: What the rest of the team does while you splitpush.

Luck: A very common quality that appears very similar to skill.

Skill: A unique quality that only you and possibly Faker possess.

Top: That guy who farms all game.

Mid: One of the Carry Roles. This is how you carry when you don't want to have to babysit a support.

ADC: The other Carry Role. You have to deal with a support, but you do even more damage when fed.

Support: A role that exists to get the ADC fed and place wards. Sometimes, though, they forget which one to help. (see also: feeder, slave, ward).

Jungler: A role that exists to win your lane for you. Even if you die before minions spawn, they are the only way for you to lose lane. It's ALWAYS their fault, unless it is the support's. (see also: gank, slave).

Tank: Someone who is too dumb to build damage. Typically, they'll walk right up to you, so kill them first.

Fighter: Like a tank, but they build enough damage that they can kill you if they are fed or lucky.

Mage: Useless if they run out of mana, which they will do immediately. Ignore them.

Assassin: A champion that gives your opponents free wins with no skill needed. Alternately, a super-high-skill champion that lets you make awesome plays. (see also: lcsbigplays)

Gank: An ambush, usually from the jungle. A request for a gank must always be obeyed, however impractical a gank would be, unless you are the jungler. You can do whatever you want. (see also: camping)

Camping: Repeatedly ganking the same lane. Typically done by the enemy jungler, to you. If you think there is the slightest chance you are being camped, you are. (see also: gank, play safe)

Pings: Little blips on the minimap. They can be safely ignored; the team should be following you.

Play Safe: An utterly meaningless concept. Ignore anyone who says this.

Ward: A waste of 75 gold.

Kills: The most important thing to have. (see also: KDA)

KDA: The ONLY metric of how well someone did.

Objectives: A distraction from getting kills.

Feeder: Someone who sucks at the game and dies a lot. Always rage at them; this will motivate them to die less.

Troll: Someone who sucks on purpose. One of the only things keeping you at Bronze 5 with 0 LP.

AFK: Someone who leaves the game because they're an asshole. There's no other explanation.

Lag: A phenomenon that occasionally causes you to die.

Fed: What an opponent must be to kill you if they lack luck and aren't smurfing. (It goes without saying that they lack skill.)

Bronze 5: Where you're stuck at because of feeders, trolls, smurfs, and AFKs.

Challenjour: Where you deserve to be.

Team: The group of idiots you have to carry.

Baron: The ONLY way to close a game. Taking baron is worth any risk. You can even solo it if you have to.

Minimap: A square thing in the bottom right corner. It doesn't do anything useful.

Counterpick: A free win in lane, regardless of your knowledge of the champion.

Smurfing: What other Challenger-level players do to make sure you never make it out of Bronze 5.

Skillshot: An ability with a travel time. They shouldn't actually require skill to land, just luck.

Mana: A limit on how fast you can kill things. (see also: cooldown, URF)

Cooldown: A limit on how fast you can kill things. (see also: mana, URF, Katarina)

Katarina: The highest skill champion in the game.

URF: Something Riot should bring back immediately.

Overpowered: Able to beat you.

Underpowered: Unable to 1v5 with you playing.

Followup: If you die 1v5, it's because your team didn't do this.

Peel: What your team does when you go for a pentakill. (see also: followup)

Tank Meta: Why you couldn't win that 1v5. Requires no skill.

Assassin Meta: The best this game has ever been. So many high-skill plays!

LCSbigplays: What you and the pros can do.

Pro Builds: These are the best builds, obviously, and it is safe to blindly copy them.

Trinket: A free item that doesn't do anything useful.

Vision: Not your responsibility.

Dragon: Part of the jungler's job is to make sure your team gets every single one. Obviously it is always his fault if you can't get 5 stacks.

Splitpushing: Farming away from your team. (see also: group, farming)

Farming: Killling minions. It gets you items, but not as fast as kills do.

CS: Stands for Consolation Stat, as in consolation prize.

Off-Meta: These picks are functionally identical to trolling.

CC: A broken no-skill mechanic. (see also: tank meta)

Assists: These are kind of like those participation trophies you got in kindergarten.

Blue Buff: The mid's birthright, unless you are the jungler. You obviously need it more.

Red Buff: Like Blue Buff, but for the ADC.

Chat: A place to tell other people how much they suck or how lucky they were.

Toxic: Everyone but you.

Updates on the way! If you have an idea, tell me and I'll add it!

132 Comments

SEKAI6/1/2015, 7:22:23 AM61 votes

Another addition:

Baron: The place to go only at super late game, and only when all 5 enemy players are up, alive and kicking.

Reynard the ƒox6/1/2015, 7:18:52 AM30 votes

Dragon: The creature itself is meaningless, but the pit it lives in makes an excellent area to fight and get kills.

TheDirtyMango6/1/2015, 4:06:51 PM11 votes

Report: Something that should be done at the end of every game to every enemy who killed you even once and every ally with more deaths than you.

A Small Dog6/1/2015, 12:49:25 PM10 votes

Smurfing:

  1. That thing everyone who beats you does.
  2. The person you should give up your role to because no one ever lies about that

Positioning: Is something only Geographers need to know the meaning of, it is pointless in a video game. (Also see Mini map)

Mini Map:

  1. Only geographers can read maps properly, best to ignore it
  2. That weird square thing in the bottom of the screen, it's mostly dark so no need to acknowledge its existence.

Counter Picking: Picking their counter will give you an easy win in lane, regardless of how clueless and inexperienced you are with said counter

Skill Shots:

  1. Does not require aiming, predicting or any actual skill. Always aim it where they are, not when they're going to be. Only psychics will know where you're going to be and they don't exist.
  2. If missed the person is obviously a noob and an idiot, they did not predict wrong, they are just stupid and/or not psychic.

Trinkets:

  1. That weird and mysterious free item they call a "ward", best never to use it as you don't know what it does.
  2. Never upgrade, that 250g is best saved for that item you can afford any minute now.
Bisexual Kindred6/1/2015, 10:48:57 AM9 votes

Toxicity: When a bad player rages because they're feeding. Rage back at them and your entire team to fight fire with fire!

SecretFanservice6/1/2015, 11:26:52 AM8 votes

Baron: Yup, that tasted purple!

Reynard the ƒox6/1/2015, 7:25:40 AM6 votes

Baron: Even when the enemy has all 3 Inhibitors down, you still need this to close the game.

Nunya Bezwacks6/1/2015, 9:05:29 PM4 votes

{quoted}

Group: What the rest of the team does while you Farm jungle.

Fixed

The Lexer6/1/2015, 7:18:16 PM4 votes

You know this has gotten me thinking: A legit, correct, serious LoL Dictionary might come in handy for playing with n00bs

The Lexer6/1/2015, 3:42:29 PM4 votes

Accurate post until "Play Safe: An Utterly meaningless concept". I died.

Also one question. For someone to kill you they must be fed because they lack skill For skill, it is something only you and faker have. What if the person who kills you is faker?

Zerana6/1/2015, 9:59:45 AM3 votes

Trinket upgrade: a waste of 250 gold, ignore it even if the support suggests you get it.

Map awareness: when other players do not type in chat what will happen to you in 5 seconds, if they can't type fast it's their fault you died and not your fault for not looking at the minimap.

Armor /Magic resistence/Health: a useless stat the does not increase your damage, avoid it at all costs.

Minimap: a tiny picture in the corner that obscures your vision of killing things.

Targons: a item the support gets to give you more gold, its not needed lategame though so don't bother letting the support use it when you oneshot minions, not even the canon minion.

BeatzBoyFTW6/1/2015, 12:19:36 PM3 votes

ftw: It means For The Win, not Fuck The What

Yorukin6/1/2015, 1:07:04 PM3 votes

Understanding the roes as tagged by Rito!

Tank: Usually the first guy to charge into you. Since they're so dumb as to end up inside your attack range, you should focus fire on them as soon as they do so.

Fighter: If the tank doesn't come in first, then it'll be this guy, except they can actually kill you with enough Luck. Same procedure as above.

Mage: These guys are useless as soon as they run out of mana, which will happen immediately. Ignore them.

Assassin: The OP guys who can one-shot you and get away scot-free. Since it's clearly everyone else's fault for not keeping them off of you, your best bet is to rage at everyone in the chat. This will make them attack you less often.

Marksman: A dumb name for someone who wins games by right-clicking. (see also: ADC)

(Support was already covered)

What Is Smite6/1/2015, 7:45:31 PM3 votes

Nexus: the thing that stops you from getting moar* kills (also see KDA)

lDontLiftIcarry6/1/2015, 4:41:43 PM2 votes

lmfao 10/10

low elos/casuals would probably get butthurt over this shit but I find it hilarious

10/10 enjoy the upvotes

PL556/1/2015, 7:23:45 PM2 votes

Chat: The place to rage at your teammates for focusing objectives instead of chasing for kills or for feeding, not ganking, or remind the enemy how lucky they are. Your teammates will try to give you advice but don't listen to those noobs.

IcyPepper6/1/2015, 11:30:20 AM2 votes

Peel: What your teammates should be doing when you're trying to 1v5 the entire enemy team as the adc.

Positioning: Your KDA tier on the team. Obviously. Has nothing to do with actual gameplay or teamfighting.

Assassin: A broken piece of shit champion. Except the ones you play, which are perfectly balanced.

Tanks: Broken when they dive you because you wanted to farm at 1/20th health. Useless when on your team.

Tank Meta: The reason assassins suck right now because apparently other squishies in the game aren't being played anymore.

Assassin Meta: The only meta that had skill, even if Zed has a point-and-click ult that makes him untargetable and comes with a free escape. Remember, Annie is OP.

FantasySniper6/1/2015, 10:44:16 PM2 votes

CC: Something that isn't damage, but is still broken enough to prevent you from getting kills. (See also: Kiting)

Kiting: Moving away from the opponent like a pussy.

Poking: That obnoxious fighting style that is literally impossible to play against.

Towers: That bullshit excuse of a safety net that will kill only you when you had a 100% chance of getting that kill it was defending.

Engage: What you are the best at and what the rest of team sucks @ss at.

Blue Moon Wolf6/1/2015, 10:53:48 PM2 votes

looks like someone is an adc main...

The Lexer6/1/2015, 3:48:37 PM2 votes

More additions:

Doublelifting: Dying 1v5 as a fed carry

LCSBIGPLAYS: Something you do to win the game

CST Baron4Base: Trading Baron for Nexus (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGZh2he96oc)

Duchess of Deer6/2/2015, 7:55:35 PM1 votes

after climbing from b55 to silver promo's the only thing that i beleive is true is the definition of bronze 5 i don't wish it upon my worst enemies

Dracoliat6/7/2015, 10:56:42 PM1 votes

Mechanics: Something others should get better at, but you will never need to practice, like the pro's.

Promo's: The 3 games where Riot specifically gives you nothing but AFK's, Trolls, and Feeders in order to keep you from climbing to Challenger. They're afraid of your skill.

Their Jungler6/2/2015, 10:04:50 PM1 votes

Squishy: An easy to kill champion. He or she should always be pursued, even if his or her entire team is alive and the place they ´´kiting´´ you is completely unwarded. Your health does not matter as they cannot turn around and burst you down.

Squidblimp6/3/2015, 3:26:00 AM1 votes

Armor and Magic penetration: never build this. Your damage scales only with AD and AP, no matter how many resistances the enemy builds.

Nasus: this champion is useless. Kill him a couple of times and then roam. All he does is farm and nothing else, he isn't a threat. You can easily 1v1 him late game.

Sightstone: never build this even if you are forced to support by your stupid team even though you are last pick. Always build damage first because your team sucks and you need to carry.

Ignite: a summoner spell you should always take. Smite, teleport, exhaust and heal are useless.

Minions: something that you should ignore. Always attack your lane opponent. Attacking minions doesn't get you kills.

Inhibitors: useless objectives. Always go for kills, as inhibitors just come back anyway and they don't give you gold.

Backdoor: the only way to kill the enemy nexus. You don't need to group with your team, you can just 1v5 the enemy team and kill the nexus by yourself. Xpeke could learn a lot from you.

Wurf: something you should always type in chat when you dive the enemy support and kill them but give the enemy team 4 assists and feed a kill to the enemy ADC.

KSing: if you do it, it's because you need kills to carry. If your teammates do it, it's ban-worthy. Remember to type in all chat and get the enemy team to report them too.

Kerrigan 4 Prez6/3/2015, 4:37:08 AM1 votes

Missed one.

Myself: The guy (or girl) who will someday take fakers spot.