The Minion Rights Movement of 2017
Minions should have equal rights as champions.
You want to know why you win your games? It's not because you outplayed your enemy or killed these minions, but actually because these minions sacrificed themselves so you could win the game. They kill other minions, tank turrets, let champions do damage to said turrets, and even take turrets by themselves!
But you know what the champions do to these minions?
They kill them for money, disrespect them, walk over them, shout at them, pull them, annoy them, and force them to watch their minion mates get slaughtered ruthlessly. They use minions as resources, mobility tools, but they don't give an inch of respect to these minions who have sacrificed their healthbar to help champions.
They mindlessly walk down one lane, hoping to be the one minion that can eventually reach the nexus or help you take an objective or two.
Here's my request as a supporter of Minion Rights
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Minions killing other minions should get gold to buy "minion items"- in other words, items that make them more of a threat. This will make champions think twice before kill stealing from a minion.
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Minions should get a KDA. Having no KDA demoralizes these minions and removes their sense of individuality.
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Minions should be able to have names. This will increase their sense of individuality.
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Minions should be able to report other minions- We've all had that toxic minion or that minion that just AFK'd only to intentionally feed the enemy.
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Minions should be able to choose their own skin, just like champions!
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Minions that kill an enemy champion will get the gold for themselves. It won't be an execute, or give the kill to the champion that was the last one to hit the enemy within 13 seconds or so. It'll give the ally champion an assist, and the minion the kill.
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Minions should be able to get loot from hextech chests and keys. This will further the equality between minions and champions.
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You should be able to honor minions. Honor the minion who sacrificed themself so you could win the game, the one who saved you, and the one who managed to 1v5 and carry the whole game.
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There should be ranked Q's for minions. Minions deserve their rank as they have proven over the duration of League of Legends.
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Minions should be able to pick their own wave comps. Champions get to choose their team comps, so minions should be able to choose their comps too.
Thank you for listening to the Minion Rights Movement of 2017. If you have any further suggestions, please assist the Minion Rights Movement below.
MINIONS ARE NOTHING MORE THAN MOBILE AMMO FOR MY E! YOU DON'T SEE GANGPLANK GIVING RIGHTS TO HIS CANNONBALLS, OR JHIN GIVING GOLD TO HIS GRENADES, DO YOU? MINIONS DESERVE NOTHING BUT A ROAR IN THE FACE, AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THEY'LL GET!
"Don't feel bad, they're just animated sheets of cloth."