Matchmaking has really really gone out of control

I like to smurf a lot. I've smurfed more than I care to admit but I recently noticed something about my newest smurf.

Firstly, I played a normal game for the first time in forever. Originally my account had 15 wins 14 losses in normals and the rest were ARAM or other game modes. On my very first game, there were 2 plats in my team. (Keep in mind I wasn't even level 30) and the entire enemy team were gold except for one silver. Second game was the same. Plats on both team a few silvers and golds and then there was me a lvl 30.

No, this wasn't a "you were smurfing so your mmr in normals must be insanely high" I had 15 wins 14 losses and I will admit that I did not play those games.

Then, I queued into provisionals. I duo queued with a bronze 5 account and lost pretty hard. My score wasn't exceptional but I wasn't feeding either. The second game, I wanted to see my mmr so I lolkinged my teammates. Everyone was silver 2.

How does that work? Provisionals set you up at ~1200 points (last time I checked which was of course during the old system). 1200 roughly equates to silver 5, according to a Riot past way back when. My first ranked game, i was in 800 MMR, duo queueing with a b5 with an abysmal mmr. Yet despite losing, which should have lowered my mmr, I somehow went up to s2? I was not in queue for that long, only about 5-6 minutes.

I will also admit that I did a test. I afked all 10 provisionals on another smurf and received bronze 2. How does that work? In many of those games, my mmr was barely going down, if at all.

This is unacceptable Riot. I may be a filthy dirty smurf but this is unacceptable for new players as well. How do you expect players to want to play this game if they're playing against platinums right off the bat? When you lose a provisional game, while duoing with a b5, your mmr should not jump 4 divisions higher than the arbitrary starting point.

I really like this game but season 6 has been a whirlwind of disappointment. Oh well.