Buff ideas

This game needs to die faster, therefore: -Sion now has free AD and AP from his passive, and ofc he keeps the free HP -Viktor deals true dmg and has a permanent shield from his Q -AAtrox is now 500% larger and has a base stat of 99% dmg reduction from all sources. His abilities scale with size since they were too hard to hit -AFK pushing champions now kill all enemies within a 500 unit radius -ADC's now have a base hp of 1 -Gragas AP now scales with HP and vice versa, stacking with itself indefinetly -Vladmir gets to play normal games in URF mode -all hook abilities are now point and click and travel through minions -tanks now have a base AD of 300 -Pyke has armor and mr that scales with his AD -Lee Sin now has an ezreal style blink on w and e that both deal AOE magic dmg scaling with his AD -Veigar can kill any champion by looking at them sideways at the start of the game. This champion remains dead for the remainder of the game -Yasuo's dash no longer has a reset cd and does true DMG. He can also ult without a nockup -At the start of the game one team is selected as the looser, and is teleported to the other team's fountain for a free ace. This happens five times. -Refusing to put up with this garbage in any way results in instant perma hardware bans

Any more ideas on how to kill this game off faster?