How Zilean can make you money (quick) and improve your (love) life in 5 easy steps

Look at this guy. He’s old, he doesn’t really walk, and his grasp on the concept of time is...not the best. Dude is kind of messed up. And yet, he pulls in the gold like it’s nothing. He rolls in the bling of glowing AP items, only using that power to pick up even more kills and assists. What’s more, he uses all that skrilla to help out his buds. Want to impress that special someone? Take an example from the loving Zilean himself. He’s swimming in love. The pros know this, from Faker to Overpow to Bjergsen. They’ve all taken the Chronokeeper into the mid lane, knowing that he’s the man for the job. So how does such an old, goofy-looking dude do it? Well, with five easy steps.

1. You only live twice

Dyrus may have gone a bit too HAM here, but hey, at least Bjergsen’s Zilean tried. Nice hustle, Bjergsen. We’ve all heard the classic story of a hero shoving someone out of the way of an oncoming bus, only to have the saved fall deeply in love with their savior. Zilean pulls that move every. single. game. Is that Kassadin careening headlong into your Lucian? Boom, ulted. Boom, saved. Zilean will have all of your love and affection now, please. Much appreciated.

2. Hit ‘em once, two times

Bomb, Rewind, bomb, win. Ever wish you could turn back time and try it all again? Zilean’s got your back. Hit that Rewind and watch as your mistakes fade away into the past. If time is money, then Zilean makes absolute bank every single time the cooldown on his W is up. Think of it like this: A bomb is an investment. Sometimes, you make a bad one. Then, you press Rewind, and now you’ve got some insider trading knowledge to get rich quick. Congratulations, Zilean is now alternate reality Biff from Back to the Future 2.

3. Wingman

Sneaky, sneaky: Faker helps Piglet tear up Samsung White Zilean isn’t selfish with the love. He’s more than willing to wingman for his buds if they need a little help in the love department. And by “love department,” I mean, “killing whoever’s nearby.” Just like any great wingman, he inspires confidence in the face of failure. But unlike most wingmen, he can actually make you a bombshell. Literally. Get in there, buddy, you’re bomb. Literally. Uh, again.

4. Cool runnings

Overpow puts his escapin’ shoes on One time, Zilean bet all of his savings on a footrace with a world-class sprinter. Who it was doesn’t matter, he beat them. How? He’s Zilean. Thanks to a nice little speed buff from his Rewind, he doubled his money and floated away victorious. Not too shabby for a guy who doesn’t even use his legs. We’re also hearing rumors that Zilean may start entering horse races as a jockey. Get your bets in now.

5. Facial hair is cool

Beards are so hot right now. Who do you think started that particular trend, Santa Claus? Nah, man, it was Zilean. Thanks to his time tinkering, he’s essentially been around since the beginning of fashion, making his chin hairs the original manly accessory. Eat your heart out, ZZ Top. Come to think of it, this doesn’t really have any bearing on how Zilean can help you. But hey, if you can grow a beard, might as well go for it now. Editor's note: This article originally contained language that is unsuitable for a Riot Games property. Lolesports.com regrets the error.