How Zilean can make you money (quick) and improve your (love) life in 5 easy steps

Riot·Aug 7, 2014·1 votes·7,074 views

Look at this guy. He’s old, he doesn’t really walk, and his grasp on the concept of time is...not the best. Dude is kind of messed up. And yet, he pulls in the gold like it’s nothing. He rolls in the bling of glowing AP items, only using that power to pick up even more kills and assists. What’s more, he uses all that skrilla to help out his buds. Want to impress that special someone? Take an example from the loving Zilean himself. He’s swimming in love. The pros know this, from Faker to Overpow to Bjergsen. They’ve all taken the Chronokeeper into the mid lane, knowing that he’s the man for the job. So how does such an old, goofy-looking dude do it? Well, with five easy steps.

1. You only live twice

Dyrus may have gone a bit too HAM here, but hey, at least Bjergsen’s Zilean tried. Nice hustle, Bjergsen. We’ve all heard the classic story of a hero shoving someone out of the way of an oncoming bus, only to have the saved fall deeply in love with their savior. Zilean pulls that move every. single. game. Is that Kassadin careening headlong into your Lucian? Boom, ulted. Boom, saved. Zilean will have all of your love and affection now, please. Much appreciated.

2. Hit ‘em once, two times

Bomb, Rewind, bomb, win. Ever wish you could turn back time and try it all again? Zilean’s got your back. Hit that Rewind and watch as your mistakes fade away into the past. If time is money, then Zilean makes absolute bank every single time the cooldown on his W is up. Think of it like this: A bomb is an investment. Sometimes, you make a bad one. Then, you press Rewind, and now you’ve got some insider trading knowledge to get rich quick. Congratulations, Zilean is now alternate reality Biff from Back to the Future 2.

3. Wingman

Sneaky, sneaky: Faker helps Piglet tear up Samsung White Zilean isn’t selfish with the love. He’s more than willing to wingman for his buds if they need a little help in the love department. And by “love department,” I mean, “killing whoever’s nearby.” Just like any great wingman, he inspires confidence in the face of failure. But unlike most wingmen, he can actually make you a bombshell. Literally. Get in there, buddy, you’re bomb. Literally. Uh, again.

4. Cool runnings

Overpow puts his escapin’ shoes on One time, Zilean bet all of his savings on a footrace with a world-class sprinter. Who it was doesn’t matter, he beat them. How? He’s Zilean. Thanks to a nice little speed buff from his Rewind, he doubled his money and floated away victorious. Not too shabby for a guy who doesn’t even use his legs. We’re also hearing rumors that Zilean may start entering horse races as a jockey. Get your bets in now.

5. Facial hair is cool

Beards are so hot right now. Who do you think started that particular trend, Santa Claus? Nah, man, it was Zilean. Thanks to his time tinkering, he’s essentially been around since the beginning of fashion, making his chin hairs the original manly accessory. Eat your heart out, ZZ Top. Come to think of it, this doesn’t really have any bearing on how Zilean can help you. But hey, if you can grow a beard, might as well go for it now. Editor's note: This article originally contained language that is unsuitable for a Riot Games property. Lolesports.com regrets the error.

58 Comments

snapback1010Aug 7, 201478 votes

not that im upset, but is it not slightly immature for there to be an f-bomb in the first line? I know i may sound like an old grandma, but for a world class company to write an article like this seemed a little offensive. I clicked on this article not knowing much about Zilean and his role in professional play and was hoping to read an article explaining his role in the LCS. Though this was an entertaining read, i expected differently from a Riot Games endorsed article. In my opinion the language was not professional at all. you dont have to agree with me, but i just wanted to let riot/the community know that the level of language in this article was not professional in the slightest.

NoodlesteinAug 8, 201423 votes

I'll add my 2p to this. I think it was perfectly fine.

GlørÿAug 8, 20149 votes

It is just unprofessional putting the F-bomb into an article. In our eyes it is perfectly fine but from a professional standpoint you would never use curse words, and almost no journalists will

NoodlesteinAug 8, 20147 votes

I see you're point. My opinion still is that its not a problem though if it was all over the place it might be a bit excessive. I'm used to watching DOTA2/Dreamhack streams etc and even their casters drop the occasional profanities here and there. While of course those are not articles I personally don't have a problem with it how it's used here.

IansdoorAug 8, 20143 votes

Well I am not sure about that. Remember when Deficio first started casting and he dropped the f word. And I quote by Joe miller "you are allowed one then you get fired." source W5D1 S4 EU LCS Spring 2014 CW vs SHC

sruktaAug 8, 20142 votes

it was the first thing i noticed .I was like whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa????

Ray BingoAug 8, 20148 votes

You're the kind of person that sues McDonald's because they didn't tell you the coffee was hot, aren't you?

raistlin1120Aug 8, 201425 votes

Please look up the case before you make inane analogies.

McDonald's was repeatedly told by officials and customers alike that their coffee was too hot. No coffee made for human consumption should cause 3rd degree burns. They've been told repeatedly to lower the temp, and didn't.

The lady, after the accident, only asked McDonald's to pay for her operation which would have been about 11,000. The court reviewed the facts and decoded that due to their negligence, they're responsible for damage and restitution.

This wasn't frivolous and idiots like you need to stop spreading that shit around.

RiotRiot LilFidgetAug 8, 20143 votes

thank you!

Fuman Choo ChooAug 8, 201437 votes

Really? You play a game that is violent, full of potty humor and has a community full of teenagers and young adults. Those who know a thing or two about marketing will know that this article is aimed at their target market. You want world class journalism go read a biased newspaper. You want entertainment? Welcome to Riot!

bRu5P3L3kpAug 8, 20146 votes

A very good response. Thank you.

Bramble BerryAug 8, 201421 votes

Not when Riot makes a point of being professional and enforcing said professionalism on their players. They talk about setting examples, putting out crude shallow comedy pieces on their pro-site isn't setting good ones.

IansdoorAug 8, 201411 votes

Riot is full of amusing and silly jokes. I love Riot gaming for what they do. But cursing, in an article were millions are going to stare. Thats not cool at all. Deficio said the f word once and Joe Miller said "you are allowed one and then you are fired." W5D1 S4 EU LCS Spring 2014 CW vs SHC If this article went unpunished, thats so wrong to what they did to nukeduck and mithy. That decision to banned them for their unprofessionalism and took away alex ich's shot to go LCS 2015.

DaWeeherAug 8, 20142 votes

I wouldn't call it offensive, that word has no value at all. Plain stupid is more fitting i think.

Surprise FattyAug 8, 20145 votes

I agree. Pretty unprofessional coming from a site like this

EvilOn3Aug 8, 20143 votes

What if I told you... They weren't trying to be professional in this article? Perhaps you should item 3070 less.

ZediAug 8, 20142 votes

To be perfectly honest, I don't think it was such a big deal. It wasn't intended to be offensive and it wasn't directed towards someone, and just like someone already said, you're playing a game where your whole objective is to blow everyone into pixels upon pixels of blood. Then you go around not expecting a little vulgar-ness in the whole community gaming system. Kinda far out, no?

AscendentAug 8, 20141 votes

Most people who play this game are young adults who can handle a little profanity, if you get offended because of the F word then maybe this games not for you?

SuchLikeWhaleAug 8, 20141 votes

Just look at Nidalee's dance and Janna's referential joke/taunt ( Which the members of Riot actually agreed to putting those in the game) , I think we can deal with one swear word from a Riot article.

TaemerleinAug 8, 20141 votes

I love how in the end we're all reacting to a string of text, something that has no value or meaning until we attribute it with value and meaning. Humans made these words, why do we limit ourselves in the use of them?

A Broken DongAug 8, 201416 votes

D-did I accidentally land on esports express for some reason?

Halp

Deft Or RightAug 8, 201415 votes

Best article Worlds, I'd love to see more of these. Zed Zed Zed

FyireAug 8, 201413 votes

This article is obviously a joke - but more seriously, it's an awful one. This is the website promoted alongside the LCS which is a respectful, entertaining, and knowledgeable broadcast. This is promoted from people like Jatt. There is zero content here wrapped in the utmost unprofessional manners. It's an insult to the audience.

bRu5P3L3kpAug 8, 20143 votes

agreed

Jon ArbuckleAug 8, 201413 votes

i can understand why people are upset but at the same time this was funny and made me laugh, so i dont care

OSRS PlayerAug 8, 201410 votes

If MonteCristo doesn't like it, I don't like it

The CryopenguinAug 8, 20144 votes

I've always thought these posts were garbage. I don't really care about the fuck part.

LabattAug 8, 20148 votes

First line F Bomb? What is this Riot. I may not be the most filtered person but come on lol

Captain GermanyAug 8, 20148 votes

I just kinda expected better from you guys

TimelyshadowAug 8, 20148 votes

I've applied to a few volunteer writing positions and have gone through three application processes only to be turned away. So, I have a decent understanding of how LoL articles should be put together. When I see articles like this I feel like the LoL writing community, hell anyone that does decent analysis on professional LoL, is being poorly represented by articles like this. I can scroll through reddit and find hundreds of thousands to millions (exaggeration) of posts that are like this one. I'm not the most professional and eSports should have its quirky characters but, this is just ridiculous.

RighteousChargeAug 8, 20148 votes

Look at you guys, giving this word power. I'd expect to find this kind of backlash for an organization that is known for it's strict sense of political correctness, but one of the things that makes Riot great, is the fact they have remained individuals rather than succumbing to the business world. I swear quite frequently. It has become part of my fucking self, one could say. I contribute to society (okay, okay I function in society) using this language every day. I don't think it's right, I don't think it's wrong. They are words. They represent a variety of emotional context. Use them freely.

TaemerleinAug 8, 20141 votes

Words don't have meaning until people give them a meaning. Just because I call all my friends faggots doesn't mean I think they are gay or a bundle of sticks, it's just a word we throw around, it's a word that we gave a different meaning than what is normally associated with it.

BenbisnoobisnoobAug 7, 20145 votes

That opening line though.

unbeatableman1Aug 8, 20142 votes

I wish i had a beard :'(

unbeatableman1Aug 8, 20142 votes

im to young :"(

KSHarrisonAug 8, 20142 votes

I did not like this article for reasons others here have already mentioned.

TL RogueAug 8, 20142 votes

What was the original text it has since been edited and I'd like to know what it was originally.

snapback1010Aug 9, 20141 votes

the first line read: "Look at this fuckin' guy" the overall level of language of the rest of the article was also quite poor

Crack DealerAug 8, 20141 votes

You know what? I thought this article was great. It accomplished its goal, and used different effects to add to the humor, so kudos to the writer.

Blue350zAug 8, 20141 votes

hourglass+ult+ga you only live a few times

SketchEdwardAug 8, 20141 votes

Put a parental discretion warning on the article before you have all these prudes complain about something else, but regardless it is poor use of such a fun word. and honestly the way articles are written these days are more casual like you're having a conversation with the person. its common to just add a useless adjective for extra effect, which just made people talk about one word instead of the article lmao pathetic

AemarilAug 8, 20141 votes

Fools, you all know Zilean can only help your love life When The Servers Go Down.

snapback1010Aug 9, 20141 votes

just wanted to say thanks to those rioters! Whether you agreed with the usage of the fword or not, it is pretty cool that riot would see discomfort in the readers and change it

the1andon1ymeAug 9, 20141 votes

who gives a fuck

Bulwarksoks1Feb 16, 20191 votes

{quoted}

who gives a fuck

yeea boiiii

MaxscartAug 10, 20141 votes

It makes me laugh that because Riot put themselves on a pedestal, making it a requirement of themselves not to curse, that you guys now expect that of Riot, even if you curse all the time.

Why do you guys care at all that they cursed? Because Riot never curses. If they were any other company, no one would've batted an eye. This isn't offensive at all, please.

MaxscartAug 10, 20141 votes

It's like having a group of friends, and ones a Christian. Everyone curses but him. One day the Christian curses, and everyone flips and laughs. Except you guys are kind of expecting it of Riot, so I guess it's not that friendly.

CostonAug 11, 20141 votes

I can't believe that this discussion has been moved so off-topic. I actually wanted to hear more about Zilean, and what people thought about him seeing facetime in the LCS, but instead the entire discussion was ruined by a bunch of immature yahoo's who can't handle a simple curse word. IMO Riot is one of the most down to earth and chill gaming companies out there, you must live up in the clouds if you find this offensive. Grow up, and pull your head out of... the clouds.