Hope

"Hope... Sometimes that's all you have when you have nothing else If you have it, you have everything". -Anonymous

Have you ever you ever had a dream? Or something that you believe you can achieve. We all have our hopes in dream that we think about everyday. Mine in particular seems a little far fetched. I didn't know too much about esports, not since about 2 years ago I believe. Before then all I would think about is getting a new game on the ps3 I had at the time, passing my classes with good grades, getting girls to notice me, and how good gushers actually taste. A lot of time has passed since then and now my new worries are: getting a job, passing school (I'm a senior), eating the right foods, getting enough sleep, dying, toilet paper, my girlfriend, money, family, and finally, if I am even going to get close to achieving my dream.

My dream (as silly as it sounds) is to be competing in the lcs. I understand how far fetched that sounds to the general population of people considering how this community is but, it is what it is. I am doing everything in my power to achieve this dream of mine but considering all this turmoil that is going on right now it all seems non existent. I've applied to over 50 jobs, jobs that were entry level too. Unfortunately they have only gotten back to me with rejection emails. My computer is slowly dying too. For example, you know when you used up almost all the juice in (usually) AA batteries and you put them in the freezer to get some juice or "charge" the battery. That is basically the condition my computer is in right now.

I am going to graduate in about 3 months, I have not applied to college or applied to get some financial aid. Just a little while ago I was planning on applying but my mom just told me I wouldn't qualify. I don't and wouldn't want to ask my family for money because they'll just yell at me and tell me no. There is a lot on the line for me considering I am basically giving up college (depends) in the meantime so I can achieve this dream i set for myself as far as season 2.

With how everything is going right now it seems a little glum. I've considered giving up on this stupid dream I have, especially considering that fact that even executioner ken basically told me (this is how I saw it, about a year ago) to stop being a fucking idiot and give up all my hopes and dreams of even thinking about having the basic capability of even becoming a custodian for the lcs studio. Sadly, even for me, realizing all of this at this moment and time. I am starting to wonder what hope I even have left. None.

Later, hopefully I get to see some of you while cleaning up the sidewalk outside of the events or maybe giving you your food at mcdonalds.