How Riot broke my heart

This is going to be a little long, so please bear with me.

Back when I first started playing this game, I played Garen exclusively. He was easy, and he was fun. I would stack warmog's every game just to see how high my health could go. However, my friend told me that I could not just stick to playing Garen forever. He claimed that I needed a larger champion pool, and I should start learning someone else. Taking his advice, I went into the next game and picked a rock-like champion. He kind of looked like this.

http://i.imgur.com/pUfdNkW.png

I kind of fell in love with him. Every game, I would stack health items just like Garen, and rush homeguards so I could laugh at his ridiculous running animation. He was the first champion I took into ranked, when I hit 30. This big fella right here.

http://i.imgur.com/pUfdNkW.png

It was a love story. I could not imagine losing my rock, even though my rock probably never gave half a rat's ass about me. It was perfect. I could just look at him forever.

http://i.imgur.com/pUfdNkW.png

But of course, good things were never built to last. One fateful day, my friend was teaching me some basic functions like pinging and lock screen. When he got onto zooming, he told me that it was better to have my screen zoomed out so I could see more. Being the incompetent bastard I was, I zoomed in instead, and found myself greeted by this horrifying creature.

http://i.imgur.com/VUACLe1.png

Naturally, I was heartbroken. Riot had completely destroyed my favourite champion of all time, and replaced him with this disgusting mockery, a mere pebble of his former self. It took me months to get over my grief, and accept that I would have to make do with what I had left. Even now, I can hardly play him anymore without feeling my vision blur as I remember all those memories I had with that big-headed lump of rock that I used to know and love.

Riot, please take a moment to clarify that Malphite actually has a head. It would be very much appreciated. I am not asking for a giant VU to turn Malphite into some long-necked abomination that crawled out of the depths of Teemo's asscrack. Just maybe a little texture update to distinguish his head from a giant nose in the middle of his face.

In the meantime, we can only pray that another poor noob does not fall into the same trap as I did.