Small question about the whole feeding thing and a casual search for options

I am not the best player out there. I'm quite average actually, with an about 50/50 win/loss ratio. I quit playing SR ages ago because it was getting too edgy for me to deal with and now i mostly stick to ARAM except for special game modes.

I'm also not the kindest player out there and i'm sure i have quite a few reports against me for various stuff. I agree my language could use some work at times, but i doubt i'll always be able to restrain myself (some of us can be very, very annoying), so i assume it's why i'll eventually be banned for. I actually consider it to be something unavoidable unfortunately.

My question though is about feeding. You see, i have been accused of intentionally feeding and looking at my match history, some might agree. However, my first point against this is:

• i'm only playing ARAM, which is All Random All Mid, which means the true spirit of this game mode is randomly picked champions. I can't claim i can play all champions well. I'm horrible at some, less horrible at others, but i play them anyway because it's ARAM i want to play. It would be silly in such a case to hold my number of deaths as intentional feeding. If you believe this kind of thinking is wrong, then you've been placing the wrong kind of expectations on this game mode. This brings me to my second point:
• intentional feeding to troll or throw the game. Far as i can remember, i have never done that. There have been games intentionally lost, but it always was a team decision due to AFK teammates and being unable to surrender. However, i have, depending on champion given, teammate, opponents and other circumstances, played aggressively, which often fails to bring good results.
  For example, Tryndamere, the only way i know to play this guy is go in and hope for the best. Frankly, i die a lot, but it usually works. The other team gets distracted and my teammates can pick easy targets. I don't get kills, i miss out on assists, but the battle is won. My score is still crap in the end, but if we win, it was a good game, no? Then again, i also fail often, because i can't always grasp the right timing. I don't expect to and neither should everyone else. But here's the tricky part, people start complaining when that happens. And sometimes, when it's too dramatic for the situation, i don't like it. I doubt anyone does.

You are right, when people start complaining about me, i should not retaliate with verbal abuse and i try not to, but that doesn't mean i don't get angry or stressed by it. Like it or not, ignore it or not, words hurt. So i need to vent somehow. When it's too sudden and uncalled for, i fail to control myself and throw back words. I was taught that when you're angry, it's good to stop what you're doing at that moment and go for a walk, waste some energy. I can't do that during a match. So i vent, by attacking whatever is available at the moment. And that of course is the enemy team. This means that i become more aggressive and stiffer in my responses, which leads to more deaths and failures. I believe it's something called 'unavoidably falling deeper in the hole'? (Sorry if i'm wrong.)

So, as i see it right now, i'm screwed either way. Banned for verbal abuse or banned for feeding. This is my currently limited view on the situation. What options can you offer that i am unable to see?

I am learning though... Now i joke a lot.

As a side note, i would like to say that my environment has ingrained into me a more liberal vocabulary and i am quite restrained in my wording when posting here and in-game. The original draft of this post had many references to the character of a type of players. Not their relatives though, i rarely engage in that kind of banter.

Thank you for your patience and i look forward to reading about your ways of dealing with actual stressful situation encountered here. And by that i mean for when you can't ignore and move on because in those cases i indeed ignore and move on (which is exactly what i'm going to do if this whole thing doesn't turn out well).