Vi's teaser for Jinx doesn't sound like her voice at all

Mirror·9/25/2013, 6:38:10 PM·12 votes·2,053 views

It sounds like it was written in that solemn, noir, Dragnet sort of style, and that completely makes sense for what the announcement is supposed to be (after all, it's about a criminal!). But try to read the thing in Vi's voice in your head and you won't make it past the first paragraph before it snaps and breaks.

It's not a huge deal, but Vi is all "Nice one, cupcake! Get dunked! Stop hitting me, ow, my face!" and y'all have her in this super serious Batman, "I'm the hero this city needs" mode.

Read it back and pretend it's Caitlyn talking and it sounds far more appropriate. That should be a huge red flag.

#constructivecriticism

13 Comments

RiotRiotRunaan9/25/2013, 7:59:35 PM15 votes

The idea behind the teaser's tone was to speak to the gravity of Jinx's crimes - if it's enough to get under Vi's skin, she must be a serious threat. That intent aside, though, it's definitely a good note - without a lot of context or build up, some of Vi's voice and character can seem lost. Thanks for the feedback. :)

WarmTurtle9/26/2013, 1:14:50 PM5 votes

Without attempting to bash/flame, I found the writing of Vi's letter to be fairly awkward. Specifically as a result of sentence structures.

For example:

"She’s enjoying the time of her life" If someone is having the time of their life it is assumed they're going to be enjoying it

"They call this place the City of Progress - or they did until she showed up. Her name is Jinx. That’s what they call her, anyway." The repeated usage of "they call" makes the text feel very forced.

Just my thoughts on why the piece doesn't quite sit right.

Frayace9/25/2013, 6:47:07 PM4 votes

Well, all you're listing is her jokes, and when she is happy. You can tell by the tone that she uses to describe Jinx that she is EXTREMELY angry and frustrated by what jinx is doing. I remember someone mentioned that Jinx is possibly Vi's sister, so Vi may be especially angry that she has to hunt down her own insane sister. People can't joke around easily when they are that mad.

Aura Shadow9/25/2013, 6:41:08 PM3 votes

I totally agree and that seems to be one of the biggest complaints about this teaser.

Daryslash9/26/2013, 10:14:50 AM2 votes

I'll just copy paste from my comments at "surrender @ 20':

At first I thought that too, but maybe Vi is not that shallow, maybe she can be smart and sophisticated. I think maybe that's the angry Vi. She can be serious, and she is certainly mad with this little punk. It makes sense. First impressions of Vi are that she is a crazy girl that likes punching things, but maybe that's just it. A first impression. A superficial shell. Think about it, for instance: she actually work for the police. It shows she has some sense of what is right and wrong. I think it makes sense that she can be serious sometimes.

To add on that: maybe Vi is really angry that this girl represents what Vi could have been if she couldn't control her desire to destroy things. If she had not awakened to reason. Maybe she despises this girl for this reason as well. I think of Vi as a cop that likes some ass kicking and action, which doesn't mean she can't be serious and talk like a intelligent woman sometimes.

Also, I think Caitlyn would sound differently. She wouldn't say "I will wipe that stupid grin off her face", for instance. That's totally Vi for me. A very pissed off Vi.

Windexzlol9/25/2013, 8:38:35 PM1 votes

Well, maybe its like Hank in breaking bad

Lunaeris9/26/2013, 9:48:22 PM1 votes

D:, I'm not sure how to feel about Jinx, I always loved Piltover as a city of progress. Now I'm gonna have to main Caitlyn or Jayce and smash Jinx's face into the dust for disgracing my favorite city >:O