Urgent help required from as many as are able.

I need your help with a situation most dire. I need you to report me. In droves. Why? Because I suck at this game, because my level of skill is approaching that of a dead gopher. I am a disgusting waste of people's time, a complete failure of a player, and true elo gravity. So please, report me. Remove the temptation to play this game, and make everyone else's experience a bit better.