"DAAAAAAARIUS!" Redux

One fine morning in Summoner's Rift, a Darius noted that his Sion lane partner had more health than him. He asked why this was, and the Sion merely grinned, and said, "Base HP Runes."

Further along, Darius was in lane, when Sion swung his mighty axe in a fierce arc. His health was simply ginormous. "DARIUS!", Sion bellowed, before Darius said, "What?", before the undead giant screamed, "GIANT'S BELT!", and proceeded to knock a minion towards his fellow Noxian jauntily.

As the lane went on, Sion gained more and more meaty manly health, until it was obvious he had a truly ridiculous amount of health. Sion called out across the battlefield, "DAAAAAAAARIUS!" Darius timidly replied, "What...?" Sion bellowed out across the Rift a phrase which has been attempted to be deciphered by countless Summoners, all of them failing.. "4K HEALTH!"

Darius' team was losing. All of the Inhibitors were down and minions were crawling towards the base. He was the last stand, all others were dead on both sides.... Or so he thought. From across the hills rumbled a voice that filled Darius' head with dread, "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARIUS!" Suddenly, Sion came charging in at a truly ludicrous speed, glowing red. Truly, his health was unfathomable. Smashing into Darius, he leaned close, gently cradling the fellow Noxian's head under one massively meaty palm. He leaned in close, and whispered delicately into Darius' ear, "guardian angel".