Constant DCes and being unable to reconnect when internet connection is otherwise working

So here's what League is like for me since 2-3 patches ago.

Join game. Potential DC as soon as loading finishes. Potential DC as soon as I get to lane. Potential DC any time more than one person casts at the same time. Potential DC at virtually any point in the game.

I have not had a game without a DC since the Summoners Rift update. My computer can run league, and can run games much more intensive than league perfectly. It is not my hardware.

When I do DC, I often can't come back for several minutes. Just now, I couldn't come back for a whole 17 minutes. Every time I try, the game either crashes, doesn't load, or when I do get in, it tells me I've been inactive too long and I have to open the game AGAIN.

When I DC, the reconnect button will not show. Ever. And I'm connected to the internet the entire time. We browsing works. Everything but League works. So I have to close the game to reopen, and it will not work unless I restart the client, too- ever. I'll just get Windows Firewall error even though my Windows Firewall is off and League is on the okay-list for both Windows Firewall and my ESET firewall. When I try to restart the client, I cannot login unless I open Internet Explorer (the browser I never use) and go to na.leagueoflegends.com. It doesn't work to go to leagueoflegends.com and get redirected to na.leagueoflegends.com. It just doesn't. I have to go straight to the NA site or it does nothing.

Even if I do all this, it often won't let me back in the game until it's too late to matter- 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes...

I'm starting to get leaves for this now, too, sometimes. Leaves, when it's entirely a client error that I can't control in any way. I got a warning the other day telling me I could get punished if I keep leaving. I'm not trying to.

Riot, before you go and make big gameplay changes, can you PLEASE work on fixing the firewall and reconnect bugs so that the game is actually playable for everyone? Who cares about a whole new map and jungle if people can't even get a single fair game in because of leftover bugs?

inb4 no red posts like every time I've posted a similar thread...