Broken Client

Recently I took a break from league for a couple days to prevent further tilt and rage from impacting how I interact with my team, however, when I came back my client was unbearably laggy. It would take forever just for the log in screen to load and even when I was able to log into the game, the client operated at less than 10 fps. I've already tried many things to fix it including shutting down via task manager, restarting my router, reinstalling league of legends completely, wiping my computer to restart and re-download league, and even trashing my computer and getting a new one to install league on but nothing seemed to work. At this point I'm very desperate so I thought I'd make a last ditch effort to fix the issue and consult the forums. I need to play Riven again and I am willing to do almost anything to fix my client, including but not limited to, creating a new account, switching hard drives and operating systems, ritualistic sacrifice (even if it must require my first born), overthrowing of a small 3rd world government, overthrowing of a bigger first world government (anything aside from America because how would overthrowing a government that matches the definition of perfect help), and bringing the universe closer to it's inevitable heat death caused by exhausting the resource of gas clouds required to create stars in the known universe and extinguishing the start already formed. Now that I think about it, the universe is already doomed to nonexistence and there is no point in me doing any of those thing because it would only amount to nothing. I am going to spend my short and meaningless life away from league of legends and seek out meaning in this pitiful struggle known as life. Farewell.