The "River"

Dearest League of Legends, My roomate, IiFukdUrMum69, and I, daPoonWrangler69, have been faithful compatriots of your community and of your game for all of our collegiate careers. It has come to our attention that the "river" as it has been called is not so aptly named. A river, by definition, is a large natural stream of water flowing in a channel to the sea, a lake, or another such stream. Rather than a "river" there seems to be two stagnant bodies of water on the map. This discrepancy is geological terminology has caused us both great distress and mental unrest. We would beg you to fix this issue as soon as possible, and create one, true river on the map. If this is not possible, we would also accept various skins, champions, or RP as a way to fill the void that this atrocity has left in us and to help us heal the emotional damage done. We thank you for your consideration. Your heartbroken, yet still loyal member, daPoonWrangler69