The jinx story was a little dissapointing.
Every time a jinx vo line popped up it detracted from what was going on, and it didn't feel jinx, who rather than tell the audience to shuddap, would probably be marvelling at the cake exploding.
Every time a jinx vo line popped up it detracted from what was going on, and it didn't feel jinx, who rather than tell the audience to shuddap, would probably be marvelling at the cake exploding.
I think having some Jinx VO lines ins't a bad thing, but it did feel like they added a lot of them just to have her VO lines, versus the Victor story, which was original dialog.
yeah, adding some vo lines to a story isn't bad in of itself, but every time it happened in the jinx story it felt like the rest of the story stopped for a second so she could deliver it.
I thought it was a great read. It's quite possible that this wasn't the most exciting thing to her, cause I imagine this is one of her less destructive antics.
Also, I don't see what you're talking about with her vo lines. They seem to fit perfectly to me.
even so, the line was stupid. it could have just exploded and then gone to the next part, rather than introduce a random line that stops the story.