The jinx story was a little dissapointing.
Every time a jinx vo line popped up it detracted from what was going on, and it didn't feel jinx, who rather than tell the audience to shuddap, would probably be marvelling at the cake exploding.
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I think having some Jinx VO lines ins't a bad thing, but it did feel like they added a lot of them just to have her VO lines, versus the Victor story, which was original dialog.
I thought it was a great read. It's quite possible that this wasn't the most exciting thing to her, cause I imagine this is one of her less destructive antics.
Also, I don't see what you're talking about with her vo lines. They seem to fit perfectly to me.