Suicidal Behavior

Glitter Troll·Jul 28, 2017·39 votes·3,472 views

Hello Riot, I am writing to you because I am concerned about a recent encounter I have had. A friend of mine that I play with daily has been making comments about ending his own life. I, unfortunately, live far away from him. We also met on here so we aren't that close of friends. Im writing to you because I feel there should be a way for me to be able to help in some way besides trying to send messages in chat. I know world of warcraft has a hotline where you can report the player &send them the player's address &they will send someone to their house. Suicide shouldn't be taken lightly &I just think it could possibly save lives. Thank you

36 Comments

GalaciusJul 28, 201717 votes

Heya,

"Nobody here wants harm to come to you, and we don’t want to make matters worse. I think a great step for you to make would be to explore some of these resources: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html http://www.suicide.org/ http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ http://www.save.org/

These groups have experts and information that can help you with the stress you are feeling, and they want to help you get through this tough time."

Those are the resources we have to help your friend. If you could forward those to them then that's the best I can do. An Arbiter can do more than I can here, but I figured I would help out until they get here.

GalaciusJul 28, 201711 votes

Part 2

I talked to an Arbiter and they asked me to link the discord here --> https://boards.na.leagueoflegends.com/en/c/community-moderation/7rtKBZLi-boards-moderation-discord-verification if the OP wants to come talk to us about it so we can escalate it. Also, you or your friend can file a support ticket to escalate it yourselves. Without knowing their summoner name we can only do so much.

ChermorgJul 28, 20173 votes

commenting to hopefully get this bumped up to the top a little more

@OP please read this.

ChermorgJul 28, 20178 votes

https://support.riotgames.com

IMMEDIATELY go open a ticket there and give as much info as you can while being as succinct as possible. Ensure you mention the severity - it may get escalated quicker.

Further, if you have this person's phone number, address, social media, etc, please pursue every avenue possible to ensure they're reached before anything bad happens. I know facebook, snapchat, etc. all have that type of ability as well so please try those if you have their information.

Also upvoting so hopefully a Rioter can see and get in touch with you.

Glitter TrollJul 28, 20171 votes

Thank you!

Glitter TrollJul 28, 20175 votes

well that's the thing. we aren't that close. so I don't know his address or anything, just a name. I try to send messages in chat but he wouldn't respond &would say things like "time to go" &"it doesn't matter anymore". it sucks because there isn't much you can do on games like this but if there was a way to try to possibly get a worldwide game community involved, it could help save his life better than just one person trying.

I Main SwainJul 28, 20174 votes

one thing i would say is that, aside from the obvious sending a support ticket and trying to contact Riot and everything, the most important and impactful thing you could do is to just be their friend. play frequently with them, use voice chat especially if you can and just mess around, talk about everything and anything be it in or out of the game, learn about their interests and take interest in them, see if you have other commonalities you could spend time with them on online, make sure they know how much you love spending time with them, and do everything you can to make sure they see the beauty in the world around them and most importantly within themselves. lastly, make sure that in all of this you arent overbearing like youre trying to shove joy down their throat and strap them to the chair of living. that will only push them away and make them feel disconnected from you or worse. just be genuine and remember how much of an impact you can have. ive struggled with depression for my entire teenage life, at some times ive struggled with thoughts of suicide, but even at my lowest of low there was one person who kept me holding on because i knew that she genuinely cares about me and i care about her. that was always enough.

GrReaper96Jul 28, 20174 votes

Are you sure you guys werent playing ARAM?

Glitter TrollJul 28, 20171 votes

As cancerous as arams are, no we weren't at the time. We play everyday together &we play every type of game. He's very good at the game &he usually jokes around but the last few days he just changed all of a sudden. He'd make comments like "Im trash" "Ill only bring you down" etc.

oSEXYPLATYPUSoJul 28, 20173 votes

if you feel this is true... and a real threat you need to contact police ... so they can investigate

it would be easier if you know name and address

Finn Teh HumanJul 28, 20172 votes

If you can try to reason with him. I use to have to same feelings for different reasons in my life. But once you take your life that's it, you can't get it back. You can't undo the pain you've put on your family and friends. The haunting feeling you'll leave them with for not knowing why you felt like you couldn't reach out to them.

Morgan le FeyJul 28, 20172 votes

Biggest concern with all this advice is that, while well-meaning, trying to guilt someone with "you'd make everyone else sad" is a bandage solution that will collapse and ultimately makes things more stressful in the end unless they get real - and good - therapy. Eventually, especially if it's a consequence of a particularly severe mental illness, it's easy to just say "if it's so selfish to free myself from this, let me be selfish, just this once".

Finn Teh HumanJul 28, 20171 votes

{quoted}

Biggest concern with all this advice is that, while well-meaning, trying to guilt someone with "you'd make everyone else sad" is a bandage solution that will collapse and ultimately makes things more stressful in the end unless they get real - and good - therapy. Eventually, especially if it's a consequence of a particularly severe mental illness, it's easy to just say "if it's so selfish to free myself from this, let me be selfish, just this once".

People who are thinking of suicide (I've been there so I understand the thought process) can't see anything else around them. I'm not calling them selfish. I'm saying all they see is darkness and they can't find a hope. They think no one will miss them.

Morgan le FeyJul 29, 20171 votes

While I've been there, I can't say it was a significant enough experience to have much firsthand knowledge: It only got as far as thoughts of it one night, and I had a very high level of care, thank goodness. Part of why it was so minor, though, is that I was prepared. I have a very supportive-caretaker personality overall, so I tend to attract a lot of people who're hurting, and I'd dealt with a pretty significant share of suicidal friends before my illnesses got to critical significance. I saw the signs, caught it the first time it cropped up, and immediately sought out the appropriate sources. Most people are not (un?)fortunate enough to have experience watching for it in a detached way in an otherwise emotional situation, and it's from that second-hand experience that I speak.

##PLEASE NOTE: NOTHING I SAY HERE IS PROFESSIONAL ADVICE. I HAVE NEVER RECEIVED TRAINING. THIS IS ALL JUST BASED ON MY EXPERIENCES.

Biggest issue here is that we've both sorta put in generalizations, saying "it looks like this" as if it's identical for everyone.

In most of my cases, they were people who had been hurting for a very long time. Generally there'd been prior thoughts of suicide, and they'd heard the "but you'll make people sad" thing many times. It wasn't usually a "no one will miss me" thing (or not directly - sometimes there was the "people say they miss me, but they're just saying that because they have to or because they'll feel guilty if I kill myself" anxiety involved) but an "I'm really just suffering that badly" thing. To them, "people will miss you" is a responsibility, where they feel like they're being selfish by taking their own life and hurting those around them in order to alleviate their own pain.

That's not the only reason! That's just most of the cases I have experience with, and most of what I can speak to . That's why I wanted to mention that - not that you shouldn't tell them you'd miss them, but that guilting people is a very temporary solution only really useful in a crisis situation. It's an important tool, messed up as that is, but one that should be treated very carefully.

Finn Teh HumanJul 29, 20171 votes

{quoted}

While I've been there, I can't say it was a significant enough experience to have much firsthand knowledge: It only got as far as thoughts of it one night, and I had a very high level of care, thank goodness. Part of why it was so minor, though, is that I was prepared. I have a very supportive-caretaker personality overall, so I tend to attract a lot of people who're hurting, and I'd dealt with a pretty significant share of suicidal friends before my illnesses got to critical significance. I saw the signs, caught it the first time it cropped up, and immediately sought out the appropriate sources. Most people are not (un?)fortunate enough to have experience watching for it in a detached way in an otherwise emotional situation, and it's from that second-hand experience that I speak.

##PLEASE NOTE: NOTHING I SAY HERE IS PROFESSIONAL ADVICE. I HAVE NEVER RECEIVED TRAINING. THIS IS ALL JUST BASED ON MY EXPERIENCES.

Biggest issue here is that we've both sorta put in generalizations, saying "it looks like this" as if it's identical for everyone.

In most of my cases, they were people who had been hurting for a very long time. Generally there'd been prior thoughts of suicide, and they'd heard the "but you'll make people sad" thing many times. It wasn't usually a "no one will miss me" thing (or not directly - sometimes there was the "people say they miss me, but they're just saying that because they have to or because they'll feel guilty if I kill myself" anxiety involved) but an "I'm really just suffering that badly" thing. To them, "people will miss you" is a responsibility, where they feel like they're being selfish by taking their own life and hurting those around them in order to alleviate their own pain.

That's not the only reason! That's just most of the cases I have experience with, and most of what I can speak to . That's why I wanted to mention that - not that you shouldn't tell them you'd miss them, but that guilting people is a very temporary solution only really useful in a crisis situation. It's an important tool, messed up as that is, but one that should be treated very carefully.

Myself and people who have also not just had thoughts but had done things needed to be reminded that there are people there for them. It wasn't meant to make people feel guilty is is meant to remind them that someone would miss them dearly and that someone cares. That if they were to kill themselves it would leave lasting mark on someone and not a good mark.

Morgan le FeyJul 29, 20171 votes

That's why I was so careful to say that in such a drawn-out way. Everyone's situation is different, and treating them all as if they're the same will only lead to tears. Besides, there's a world of difference between saying "I love you so much, and it would break my heart to lose you" and "you shouldn't kill yourself, because that'd make your family cry. You don't want to be an emotional burden for them to carry around for the rest of their lives, do you?". Obviously those are sorta deliberately-extreme examples to make a point, but they communicate the difference in basic concepts.

Glitter TrollJul 28, 20171 votes

I have been sending him messages to talk to him but he wouldn't respond to me &when he did he wouldn't say much. He just kept making negative comments about himself. Im trying to let him know im there for him &that im here to help as much as I can.

FB OspraeyJul 28, 20172 votes

please get a support ticket for them, suicide is a damn joke and no one should ever think about it. please get a support ticket from riot and convince your friend to call help

Glitter TrollJul 28, 20171 votes

I will! Thank you

FearlessCreatorJul 28, 20172 votes

D ROSE D ROSE D ROSE D ROSE D ROSE D ROSE

Bike TerrorJul 28, 20172 votes

You should call police and show them this thread!

Glitter TrollJul 28, 20171 votes

I don't know anything about him besides his name so I wouldn't be able to call the police. there isn't much I can do. That's why Im reaching out to Riot

Bike TerrorJul 28, 20171 votes

Have riot triangulate his Ip, go to the ISP to find the household and the information over the connection and deduce who he is

Armored YokaiJul 28, 20172 votes

The stress of ranked often makes people say things like that

Glitter TrollJul 28, 20171 votes

Well I know for a fact it wasn't ranked games that caused this. He's already plat &he's very proud of how far he's gotten. We normally just play norms together because he tries to teach me things. Not sure why he's become this way. He's usually a happy person who jokes around a lot. But I do agree, people on this game can be very cruel when they say things like "kys". I think that term should be banned or atleast the person get a warning when they say it.

HalcyonDwellerJul 28, 20172 votes

That sounds like a really really stressful situation for you to be in.

I've been through something eerily similar; friend I met on league was suicidal, one night he broke off communication after implying he was going to do it and I spiraled. Later that night I was sobbing on the floor of my RA's dorm room trying to figure out what to do.

Friend was fine in the end, we figured out enough about them to call in the suicide prevention and/or police in their area and nothing permanent happened that night, and they've since recovered and been living a stable life. And I learned a valuable lesson about how important it is to take care of oneself while taking care of others.

Please please please keep in mind that it's not your fault if something happens. It's possible to over-care and wear yourself out with worry and stress. Don't let yourself spiral. Don't blame yourself. Do everything you can, but don't let that overtake your own mental heath.

Glitter TrollJul 28, 20173 votes

thank you for your advice. I have been telling him that I enjoy playing with him because I really do. I told him I wanted to talk to him &help him as best as I can. No one should have to feel this way about themselves or feel alone. I just wouldn't know what to do if something were to happen to him &just knowing there was nothing I could do about it. The suicide rate is increasing every year so when someone even remotely makes a small comment that's negative, I take it seriously. Especially on this game, people can be so cruel &say such inhumane things which will get to you no matter how "tough" you think you are.

Morgan le FeyJul 29, 20172 votes

Right now, my biggest pet peeve is the phrase "sticks and stones will break my bones, but words can never hurt me". It belies the power of language; if we're using sayings, "the pen is mightier than the sword" comes to mind immediately. Power isn't your ability to hurt people, but your ability to control them. Without words, even a mugger couldn't communicate tell you to hand over your wallet and phone. Donald Trump didn't become President of the United States by beating people up with sticks and stones. He used words - lots of them, too. So again: the real power is not in physical threats, but in words.

Words are how we communicate ideas and thoughts. With "we are our thoughts" being a common argument in amateur philosophy circles all over, that's a pretty huge deal. Leaving the logic problems aside for the moment, so I'm not typing all night, the natural conclusion is that words affect who we are on a basic level. That seems a lot more important than broken bones to me, at least.

imo a better saying would be "sticks and stones just break my bones; it takes words to hurt me". >.>

Also wanted to comment on this really fast:

{quoted}

Please please please keep in mind that it's not your fault if something happens. It's possible to over-care and wear yourself out with worry and stress. Don't let yourself spiral. Don't blame yourself. Do everything you can, but don't let that overtake your own mental heath.

I've gotta emphasize this one. I did this! Ironically, it contributed greatly to the severity of my own mental illness, and then I needed other people to help take care of me. Prolly my favorite way to say it is this: To love your neighbor as yourself, you must love yourself, or you're not going to treat your neighbor as well as you want to either, no matter how hard you try!

Make sure you have a strong support network of your own. Caring for others who are suffering is stressful, and if you don't have people to help you with those stresses, you can end up in a nasty spot yourself.

Don't get me wrong - care for them! It's a wonderful thing to do, and not enough people are willing to support each other. Just be careful as to how you do it, and make sure you have others looking out for you and loving on you as well. It can be hard to help, but as long as you're careful and take everything in balance and moderation, it's totally worth it.

[slayer-pantheon-thumbs]

HalcyonDwellerJul 29, 20171 votes

I think you're doing everything you can already, you are there for him, and you support him. That's already a lot. I cannot presume to know what is going through somebody else's head, but he probably appreciates you, even if he doesn't say it.

Have confidence in yourself and remember that ultimately it is up to him whether or not he makes it through things. You can help him do that, but the weight of responsibility does not rest on your shoulders. Often times what people who are feeling confused, lost or helpless need most is a stable person to rely on. A rock in their storm. If you can build your own confidence and keep yourself stable for them you will already be doing a lot for them.

I agree, suicide is a very serious issue. Due to what I had been through with my friend who had been suicidal, I used to verbally (well in text anyway) eviscerate anyone who said "kys" to anyone else in game whenever I was in a match or in a lobby for league. Since then I've learned to be better about it (obviously contributing to the toxicity was only making the situation worse) so I don't do that anymore, but I still challenge them on it. It's unbelievable what people will do to dehumanize others and distance themselves from having to take responsibility for their actions. It still boils my blood, but I control it better now.

One thing I remember from my situation was that my friend didn't want to feel like a burden to me or his other friends. When I spiraled or blew up at someone in chat for saying "kys" it looked to him like our friendship was bad for me, and it just pushed him further towards feeling like a burden. This is one reason why taking care of ourselves and being 'the rock' for them is so important.

By preventing the friendship from impacting our own mental health, we reaffirm for them that they are not actually a burden and that we are glad and/or benefiting from being around them. It also serves as evidence to provide if things ever get to the point where they argue that, "I'm not doing any good in the world, it would be better off without me," etc. Because if we have been a rock, we can point out how we've remained stable and actually derived enjoyment from spending time with them.

Imperial PandaaJul 28, 20171 votes

There are of course general hotlines but I think hearing from a game you enjoy would be nice too.

Ellis DeeJul 28, 20171 votes

If he was really going to do it he wouldn't be crying about it to everyone. he would just be dead.

Morgan le FeyJul 28, 20173 votes

That's really not how it works at all.

TwitchInMyPantsJul 28, 20173 votes

If they're crying out its to second guess their impulse of suicide. Some people are attention whores about it, many actually have a serious emotional struggle and have thought out a suicide plan but want any excuse to hang onto life. It's pretty much a survival driven plea for help before they make an ultimate decision. If you know people going through suicidal thought processes you'll understand there's more nuance than that. You're right about some people but I don't think that describes even close the majority.

Glitter TrollJul 28, 20171 votes

I really hope that's not true at all.

Glitter TrollJul 28, 20171 votes

Another concern of mine is the choice of words on this game. Yes its the internet so of course people will say "if you cant handle it then stay off the internet". Well I don't think that's fair. The internet is a priviledge &anyone should be able to use it as they please. Now players on this game are very cruel &heartless. I know this game can be aggravating &tilting but being told to kill yourself or "kys" or anything of that nature should be pentalized in some way. Its not funny to tell someone that. No matter how "tough" your skin is, it can get to you. Even some of the famous streamers have made videos saying how they have become depressed because people will make rude comments towards them or tell him to "do everyone a favor &kill themselves". I honestly think that when someone says something in that manner they should get a warning &if they do it again they should be pentalized or possibly banned. It has gotten out of hand how inhumane some people can be on this game. Please help riot.

Evil YasuoJul 29, 20171 votes

If you're reading this @your friend, hand tight homie. We've all had to deal with some shit. I was gonna take my own life when I lost my house before but fought through it. Be strong and i'll keep you in my prayers.<3