I must be retarded

Oh boy heres a story of hoe i got perma banned probs fair but half was kinda unclear on my end and im wondering if anything is doable about it. So i came from fps games where if you mute someone its the equivalent of them no longer existing and you no longer existing to them. I never really understood leagues system if you mute all everyone can still see what you typed. So when i felt salt id started a trend of mute all and id just flame myself and my team in the chat as a way to not have to learn breathing exercises as playing a support can really kill you inside. The last few games before i was banned i had been on a loss streak and was slightly tilted when in ranked our adc starting throwing me under the bus for everything, the tiltening increases, i flame them a few times then mite all and start my new found hobby of "silently roasting myself and team" not knowing that mute all only stopped me from seeing their chat and theycan still see mine. Fast forward a few games i give up playing eith humans and calm down in a game of co-op vs bots im having a blast not once did i flame im pretty chill until i cant handle people for the day anymore. Game ends and i instantly feel the overwhelming urge to die. Sees the you have been permanantly banned msg. Crys as he gets banned from first moba hes ever played. I somewhat understand my ban i shouldnt have been toxic even if i thought no one could hear me but coming from toxic places like csgo etc i still havent really understood a way to handle it better. And being only a three month old player still havent really fot a full complete understanding of the game. :/