Boards›Player Behavior

Literally unable not to be toxic. Please help.

ividyon··3 votes·2,006 views

I will try my best not to write a wall of text here.

I have an intrinsic inability to ignore trash-talk online. I've what I consider a strong sense of personal justice, which I often find attacked when I am flamed or treated unfairly in-game.

It is very rare for me to initiate trash-talking, and when my teammates fail to live up to my expectations (by feeding, or not coming to help when needed), at most I will express disappointment and start asking passive-aggressive, but at least SOMEWHAT constructive questions ("What the fck dude, what have you been doing there? Why weren't you here?" "Can you just fcking stay under tower instead of overextending all the time?" etc.)

However, when others initiate...

  • shifting blame ("We lost because of botlane", "bg fuck u ashe")
  • whining about my performance
    • ESPECIALLY when my lane was shut down by constant rotations, or my team's lack of response
      • ESPECIALLY when I have constantly been asking for help very clearly
  • calling gg early
  • calling "report <my champion>" because I'm not on top of my game
  • telling me "lol 0/7 noob" when I'm a freaking support, or my support managed to take all the kills, ignoring my assists

... I just completely fly off the handle. People will be called retards, ingrates, shitheels, pieces of shit, human garbage, etc etc.

I have not been to a doctor and I do not have any real diagnoses on whether or not I'm mentally afflicted in some way, but...

...I am LITERALLY incapable of NOT responding to crap like that, and NOT getting angry about other players having the goddamn nerve, the shamelessness, that they dare talk so much trash while being so useless themselves. It fills me with an impotent rage, a desire to prove them WRONG, to show them just how small and unimportant these random trolls are in contrast to how highly they think of themselves. And all of that while I know how futile it is, and that people on the internet will never admit to mistakes and apologize.

And that is the reason I find myself with more and more reports flying my way. I've already been ranked and chat restricted under the old system, and I'm afraid of the new changes.

Questions:

What can happen to me? I never resort to racial, sexist, bigoted slurs and insult nothing but intelligence and general disposition (as per examples above).

I've already received warning dialogs for "frequent reports" about 4-5 times. How close am I to punishment?

How to stop all of this? Is it worth missing out on the ability to communicate with pubbies by disabling my chat key, and muting everybody every game? How much does it harm the ability to win?

Has anybody else made similar experiences?

...

I really don't want to lose my account over this... I'd be happy about chat restrictions, but I dread the idea of being permanently banned and losing all my investments into the game.

17 Comments

Skadeglädje6 votes

Ividyon,

A psychologist would understand your problem as lacking emotional regulation. When you are presented with a frustration that arises anger in you you react automatically and in a way that you recognize, after the situation, as not adaptive. To put it in other words; you don't have the skill to "brush it off", cool down and refrain from reacting. This leads to situations where your behavior ("flaming") saves you from short term unease but is not in line with your short term goals ("keeping a cool head and winning the game") or long term goals ("not having my account banned").

This might or might not be restricted to online gaming. Chances are you also show this behavioral pattern in your everyday life. In real life you are probably not frustrated as often and as harshly so it might not be apparent to you.

Good news! This is something you can work on and improve! If you don't have the funds or feel the need to see a psychotherapist about it there are some good self-help books written by credible psychologists. Also, the skills you learn will help you immensely in other parts of your life as well. (There's bucket loads of Science to back up this claim.)

Here's a book I can recommend buying or getting from your local library:

http://www.amazon.com/Mind-Over-Mood-Second-Edition/dp/1462520421/ref=redir_mobile_desktop?ie=UTF8&refRID=00S4CXM8STPEWWWPYG3H&ref_=pd_aw_sim_14_of_9

Good luck, hope you can work around this and stay in the game!

ividyon3 votes

Wow... thank you for the great comment! Are you perhaps employed/experienced in the field of psychology?

And no, it absolutely is not restricted to online gaming, and you're entirely right!

Skadeglädje3 votes

{quoted}

Wow... thank you for the great comment! Are you perhaps employed/experienced in the field of psychology?

And no, it absolutely is not restricted to online gaming, and you're entirely right!

Hey, glad to be able to help! Yes, I'm in the field. But around here I'm mostly an Amumu main. :)

On second thought that book might be too "broad" for your specific situation. I'll try to see if I can dig up some online resources or articles on the subject. Reading and reflecting is a very good first step to start finding a solution. (Might not be until tonight, EU time. (Oh, you're EU too.))

ividyon2 votes

{quoted}

Hey, glad to be able to help! Yes, I'm in the field. But around here I'm mostly an Amumu main. :)

On second thought that book might be too "broad" for your specific situation. I'll try to see if I can dig up some online resources or articles on the subject. Reading and reflecting is a very good first step to start finding a solution. (Might not be until tonight, EU time. (Oh, you're EU too.))

I've a friend who studied a bit of psychology during her training as a kindergarten teacher, and she said that it's been eye-opening in terms of how easily a little insight on the subject lets you analyze people around you. As such, I'd be glad if someone of your training could find something fitting for me! ^_^

A little side note: I did a bit of googling and found mentions of cognitive therapy not being the best for "right-brained" people, and a little more googling brought me to the result that I am, in fact, such a right-brained person. Just in case it helps you with your resource-searching!

Thank you so much!

Skadeglädje4 votes

Go easy on Google! It can tell you anything. I'm not a neuro-scientist but have studied a bit of biological psychology/functional neuro-anatomy - enough to not believe your source. :) If I were to write a WallOfText on that claim the TL;DR: would be "there's no such thing as 'right brained people' in the sense that you can make broad claims about them. And there's no way you could find out that you're 'right brained' from reading a bit on the net."

Cognitive therapy versus other types of therapy is not a matter of brain lateralization ("right-/left-brain") but depends on the situation at hand.

Anyway, James Gross is a big name in Emotion Regulation and here's a good summary of his key points: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201502/5-ways-get-your-unwanted-emotions-under-control

Using his model you could try to think about point 5 and work backwards. (1 "Select the situation" could mean "quit lol" or perhaps "only play premade with non-raging friends.)

5, "change your response" is obviously the first step for you - next time you feel the urge to flame or fight back - don't. This is difficult but doable. You're still allowed to be pissed off, slam your desk, shout at your monitor. Just don't type in chat, go afk, troll etc.

Next, back down to step 4, "change your thoughts". Breath for two seconds and then, instead of thinking "that Kalista is so effing wrong, it pisses me off especially since she fed too", try thinking "Kalista is really letting her emotions get to her" or "this doesn't matter to me, I'll just mute Kalista" or even - though not ideal - "lol Kalista is such a nooob idc what she says". (Still better than flaming back!) This is difficult! Like, really, really difficult. Our emotional systems are automatic and once they've learned how to react in a certain situation they don't change easily. Lucky for you you are stronger than your emotions and can change them if you keep trying.

Step 3 then? Once you're not reacting on flamers and start reappraising your thoughts your emotional responses should gradually cool down. My guess is that you previously have focused on negative stuff in chat - we would call these "salient stimuli" in tech jargon - they have probably stood out as more important than the occasional "gj", "lol nice", "roaming mid". Now try to do the other thing - respond to the neutral and positive chat statements, ignore the flaming ones. If you need to respond, keep it cool and polite and say "Kalista, leave Braum alone and play with us". While you're doing this you're actually ...

2 "Modify[ing] the situation". You are changing the atmosphere of your chat. Braum sees that he has an ally and doesn't feel as threatened/attacked. There are a higher number of positive statements in chat. Little by little we change the world for the better and the LOL community becomes a friendly place of rainbows and bunnies and the only reaction to a stolen penta is "lol that was a pretty sweet W Janna! :) :)" followed by 9x honors for everyone.

[slayer-jinx-catface]

Well, not really. But you might not get your account banned and that's pretty good too. :)

Anyway, that was a wall of text. Hope some of it helps!

edit: I realize that this is heavy on the WHAT and light on the HOW. The book I linked earlier will have tons of the HOW-techniques in it.

More wall of text/edit2: This was written from a "how not to respond to flamers"-perspective. It's applicable to "how not to flame people I think suck" too: 5 - DON'T! 4 - "he's probably new on the champ/he's probably feels like an idiot already for that fail flash/he didn't try to feed Riven when he ganked me top, he just underestimated her strength". 3 - focus on your own play, not on other peoples' mistakes

ividyon2 votes

I am left speechless at the detail and the effort you've put into helping me out... Even if common sense sometimes hints at how I should not let things get to me and how I should consider the bigger picture, concise instructions like the ones you gave make it so much easier!

Thank you so very much! It really sounds like a colossal effort to keep these points in mind, but little encouragements like "Thankfully you're stronger than your emotions!" from a person who works in the field and knows their stuff mean SO much... :')

I'm going to try to follow these points. I sincerely hope that it will finally bring my issues some closure; I love League and other MOBAs and competitive games, but the community/flaming aspect has always ruined the fun for me, even making me feel worse than before I started playing at times.

I dread the thought that a post this valuable and insightful will be buried in these forums. It feels like many more than just me could benefit from reading it and taking the points you summarized to heart.

Thank you!!

Skadeglädje2 votes

Just happy to be able to help. Good luck!

(one last note: silly things like writing the 5 points on a piece of paper and sticking it next to your screen can help you recalibrate quickly while on the rift.)

PlsTouchMeGently1 votes

Here is a way you can find the PDF of the first edition of that book, if you are unable to buy it! :-). I use this website for all my law school books haha http://website.informer.com/visit?domain=gen.lib.rus.ec

FarRockBF3 votes

Look at my game history. Last game against a Swain. Despite someone else calling it, he instalocked mid. Then he pinged like mad and kept pissing everyone off. He came top and essentially handed my opposing laner a double kill making me lose my lead.

Once I realized I was feeling heated up about him I immediately muted him. Whenever I talked to the team (like, "let's do baron") I just pretended he wasn't part of the team.

We won and I had the most kills. More than that it felt good to carry despite being heated up. There are some seriously good feel when you overcome anger.

Ada Wong2 votes

I understand how frustrating it is, for chat toxicity what you have to do as soon as you see it start is press tab, and mute everyone.

Over my 3+ years of playing LOL, I used to be one of those players always responding to toxicity, now I just do what I told you I press tab and mute everyone when I see it start, if they start in champion select, I just say in game so everyone is aware " I am going to mute everyone now" Best of luck, therefore I did communicate, and Im not being toxic because I personally have a hard time dealing with the toxic comments players make.

. And if you want to talk to a toxic player, just be calm, and ask in chat "Please stop being so disrespectful" for example but don't threaten reports and don't harassment others for playing badly or feeding (It isn't really intentional as most people make it out to be most of the time.)

To Answer the question though.

Riot always said not to respond to toxic players in a toxic manor, for example don't do any of the following.

. Say anything Negative In Game . Tell a player STOP FEEDING . Threaten Reports . Any type of offensive Language . Verbal Abuse such as You suck . Don't defend your team-mates in a hostile manor. . Another Example "Darius, You are doing worse than Ashe" Be quiet.

These type of trolls want to bait you into being toxic by doing any of the following can get you chat restrictions eventually a perm-ban.

In addition Riot has upped the "Intentional Feeding" policy and even if you do very bad and go like 0-10 or 2-10 in more than 3-5 games you are at risk to be banned by Riot because they are banning people for Intentionally feeding when players report this even if its truly not Intentional Feed but just you playing awful it happened to me so I know this from Riots tickets and currently im trying to appeal it still.

The best thing you can do is follow some examples like I said above, don't talk in chat or don't say anything that can get you flagged or punished by manual review.

ividyon1 votes

Thanks a lot for the in-depth reply! It's great to know my problem isn't met with ridicule/"just like, stop being mad" reactions.

Ionian2 votes

I just say it out loud so I don't feel the need to type it. I have the "nice guy" icon so it works as you can see.

Zoto2 votes

Just one to point out the smallest thing possible, since well, most of the rest of it's been covered. In the Tab menu in-game, there is a mute option next to the summoner's name. While I definitely like the other responses better, muting people sometimes is just the best option possible. It really works for me and I used to have a hard time dealing with toxic people as well until I found out how to do so. It improved my gameplay quite a bit not even have to worry about seeing what they type and best of all, it doesn't disable any of the pings, (or I haven't noticed that it has yet) So you can just do as you would normally, since most players actually know how to use the ping system, a little too well sometimes I might add, and just pay higher attention to the pings.

1st Movement1 votes

I don't give into empty illogical terrorism. I can always report them after game.

sealust1 votes

You've gotten a lot of good advice on this topic and I don't think I have anything to add to it, but I'd like to give you mad props for asking for help and being gracious to the people who actually gave advice.

I hope things go well for you, good luck on the Rift!

xSleepy1 votes

to be fair retard is bigoted slur at this point, it's not even a medical term anymore

Awkward Couch1 votes

If you send in a ticket to Riot support they can give you a chat restriction and it will not forfeit your end of the season rewards. You can submit a ticket here. This happens to a lot of people and it seems like this would be a good idea for you. Let us know how it turns out. XD

More from Player Behavior

The indefinite banning of Tyler1
Player Behavior4,799 comments
2,942
votes
14 day ban because playing Nunu Support with Smite is "stealing other people's roles"...?
Player Behavior1,525 comments
1,086
votes
Riot should add monthly status cards
Player Behavior241 comments
843
votes
Reminder that we haven't gotten our Summoner report cards yet :/
Player Behavior145 comments
619
votes
I'm not "triggered" by you throwing insults.
Player Behavior361 comments
548
votes
Black Alistar, King Rammus!!!!
Player Behavior462 comments
503
votes