Attack of the Demon Poros

Riot·Nov 17, 2016·13 votes·113,704 views

In the back of a dimly lit tavern, a 20-sided die soars across a wooden table. As the die lands, four figures lean in to examine the results of the roll...

Ah, a bad roll! The path is blocked and a horde of demon poros attacks our party. Can we survive this onslaught of hellish beasts or will we succumb to their furious might?

Not a problem. I drop an Acceleration Gate and blast ‘em with a Hyper Charge. Our future will be bright!

Come on, man -- try to stay in character. We’ve talked about this already.

*Incomprehensible chime*

What did it just say?

It wishes to know if that last part should be included in the song it is composing about our adventures.

*Incomprehensible chime*

It also wishes to tell you that demon poros are too scary, and could we change to candy poros instead?

Uh okay, I guess... Bard Bard, raise your quill and bear witness! Let us commence battle with the savage *sigh* candy poros.

I know how to handle these creatures!

No. Please don’t--

I drop an Acceleration Gate and blast ‘em with a Hyper Charge. Face the future!

*Writes something down*

Do not put any of this in the song!

*Confused chime*

It says that--

I DON’T CARE WHAT IT SAYS! *Rolls die* Rocks fall; everyone dies. I’m going home.

*Sad chime*

Write your own legend with Sejuani Dawnchaser, Bard Bard, and Jayce Brighthammer, now dungeon crawling through the League store for 750 RP each. Descend into darkness with Karthus Lightsbane for 975 RP.

Dungeon Crawler Set - 3225 RP (5868 RP if you need the champions)

Available until November 21, 2016 at 23:59 PT

Karthus Lightsbane
Bard Bard
Sejuani Dawnchaser
Jayce the Bright Hammer
Karthus - 25% off
Bard - 25% off
Sejuani - 25% off
Jayce - 25% off

320 Comments

º LB ºNov 17, 2016255 votes

Viktor Muwahahaha! Jayce, I finally got you cornered! I've imprisoned your police friends Caitlyn so no one could help Piltover. There's nothing you or anyone can do to stop me! Hand over the Power Reactor and watch my glorious evolution unfold! Jayce ... Viktor ??? Jayce I drop an Acceleration Gate and blast ‘em with a Hyper Charge. Face the future!

DooombaNov 17, 2016100 votes

Ahri I have your companions under my control, for the last 20 minutes, Surrender now! Jayce I drop an Acceleration Gate and blast ‘em with a Hyper Charge. Feel the thunder! Ahri rolls for evasion: 1 Oh come on! Jayce rolls for damage: 20 Heh, gotcha! Ahri ...

Julius CaesarNov 17, 201644 votes

Ahri Oh no my tail is trying to kill me with the power of magic moon beans item 3105 Fear not im here! Lissandra oh no! not the aegis of the legio thats right, not one can get past my legio of stardom Ahri please use your power of stardom on my tails yes your tail, i shall stare at your tail, you have a nice tail MonkeyKing hey, thats my tail oh no! monkey man! your reign of terror has come to an end exegesis of region lock item 3105 haha, silly monkey man i am the protector of women, no monkey shall touch women of the women tribe wait until i have trained i have now trained Lissandra oh no! monkey man has trained! I AM DEFEATED! Ahri you saved me monkey man. please kiss me MonkeyKing no Ahri ok the end

GG Get G00DNov 17, 201652 votes

That was boring, uninspiring, childish and autistic. That sums up my critic of this comment.

Du Ma MiNov 17, 2016140 votes

I have an autistic friend, and I can assure you he has written many a stories better than this here pile of manure.

Michael SykesNov 17, 201617 votes

{quoted}

I have an autistic friend, and I can assure you he has written many a stories better than this here pile of manure.

Wait, why do you think autistic people are not able to write good stories?

Sahn UzalNov 17, 201660 votes

He's saying Autistic people ARE able to write good stories.

Damion WolfNov 18, 201644 votes

"That was boring, uninspiring, childish and autistic. That sums up my critic of this comment."

That about sums up the majority of people who post hateful shit on Internet.

KylerEzraStarNov 17, 201642 votes

With Caitlyn & dead, as a last hope Viktor roles for suduction.

honorspellNov 17, 201661 votes

natural 20. 17 amazingly funny roles later Urgot is born.

FlameHalbrdOkidoNov 18, 20168 votes

Bruh I think that Jayce quote has become a legendary joke, its like a meme now, it'll never not be funny. I can't even think about it without laughing

Well Dressed IceNov 17, 201671 votes

Karthus speaks Bard!

AceGeoNov 17, 20169 votes

It's because he's Karthus Lightsbane. A mystical version of the already unworldly dead man walkin.

.... now I'm thinking of Graves

MVpmackNov 18, 201615 votes

pretty sure it's because karthus is a musician

Perplx ReconoDNov 19, 201612 votes

does that mean that Sona and Ekko and Yorick understand him too?

LeeSin2UrHearttNov 17, 201669 votes

Elder dragon spawns top lane, i'll get the rumor spreading asap [slayer-pantheon-thumbs]

LeeSin2UrHearttNov 17, 201618 votes

For real though, the little story made the skins so much better, and they all ready looked great!

Pixii BombNov 17, 201664 votes

Sejuani How is Bard JUST NOW getting a Bard skin? Jayce Bard doesn't have skin? Karthus No no, Bard is his name. And Riot gave him some clothes to dress him up like it's his day job. But, you know, he doesn't actually sing in taverns or anything. Bard You mean... like how Jhin is a psychopath, and doesn't actually grant wishes?

AinTheBrainNov 17, 201627 votes

Since when can Bard actually speak?

Pixii BombNov 17, 201639 votes

He speaks through his chimes and music But only Sona can understand what he's saying Except since she can only communicate with her Summoner, she basically translates Bard's sentences however she pleases. Sona is super sneaky you know

Sona Adagio, Summoner

PokeobiNov 17, 201620 votes

Silly Summoner, No one can understand Bard (but Karthus now can for some reason) his secrets are too powerful for any mortals to hear therefore they are jumbled into his musical sounds. (canon info)

Pixii BombNov 17, 201613 votes

but Sona and Bard have an unspoken bond that they don't tell you about...because I made it up and because it's puny

OHMI MalwareNov 18, 201619 votes

I mean, Karthus IS the Deathsinger, so...

Musical sense anyone?

Cheese PopeNov 17, 20167 votes

Jhin grants us what we've all been longing for... the sweet release of death....... FeelsBadMan :gun:

RiotinvinciblemoonNov 17, 201652 votes

Hey all! We made a mistake earlier and listed Karthus as a 750 RP skin. He's actually a 975 RP skin. We've updated the article to reflect his true price. Sorry for the confusion.

LeeSin2UrHearttNov 18, 201615 votes

Can you please make a heavy metal bard skin and have him do a song with pentakill? I could imagine some insane chimes going off while the rip some killer songs. Bard

KaalSchneidNov 18, 20168 votes

Shut up... and take my money!!! ...Call it Led Zeppelin Bard!! I already have Runes and Mastery pages for tanky Balloon, called Led Zeppelin XD

BlackHairedGirlNov 18, 201620 votes

Yorick Mordekaiser Sona Karthus epic, heart dropping songs

Bard happy chime

Dapper DabberNov 19, 20168 votes

item 3070 Olaf

Way to forget the legend...

TheCowSaysMooNov 17, 201635 votes

Who Remembers Dungeons & Demacians

CaddokoNov 18, 20167 votes

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan roll20.net got lots of us still playing it.

Raynor1111Nov 17, 201624 votes

Must get Bard Bard , if only for the sake of Bard Bard

US NA LCS PigeonNov 17, 201624 votes

Jayce what did you roll? Taliyah um, hold on a sec... Taliyah 18? Jayce 18. hm. okay. (checks rulebook) nods Jayce with the last ounce of your mana, you charge up everything you've got in your rocks. pshhh pshh pshh, the earth around you rumbles, fault lines open up and emanate from where you stand. the monster you're chasing notices what you're doing. he tries to sprint away, out of range. he even dodges a few with his Korean Juking traits. but it's too late. grins Taliyah oh my god... Jayce your rocks fly at him like they were shot out of an Acceleration Gate. the furry little devil tries his best to squirm out of it, but stands no chance. the first rock smashes into the side of his head, blasting him and pinning him against the trees like a well-placed frag grenade. he lets out a horrific Yordle cry, like nothing you've ever heard. like what the beast of the apocalypse would sound like when giving birth to a horde of demons as its birth canal is torn apart. Taliyah ... holy shit, that's pretty awesome. Jayce your second and third rocks act like steam-powered giant robot fists pummeling into the poor little creature, as it bleeds from every possible orifice, and then a few more that you didn't know even existed. as it bleeds out, a mess of blood and intestines sprawled out over the roots of its deathbed tree, it cries out for its mother, begging you to spare its life, shows you a picture of its girlfriend in a firefighter uniform, tells you it will never place another toxic mushroom in another bush you want to enter again. it tells you it never meant to hurt anyone. Taliyah oh dear god. Jayce i only have one question for you, Laura Bailey. Taliyah ?!!?!! Jayce ...how do you wanna do this?

Yea Im The BestNov 17, 201621 votes

Really no one noticed? That it says "I drop an Acceleration Gate and blast ‘em with a Hyper Charge" Jayce's Q is shock blast not hyper charge. XD Rito doesn't even know their own champions.

NachoOneTrickNov 17, 20169 votes

You definitely arent alone. Though uh, that hyper charge does stupid damage

Battlecast SonaNov 17, 201630 votes

he says "hyper charge" when he does it sometimes though, so maybe that's what they're referencing

ItsbeghdevNov 17, 201621 votes

"Hyper Charge" sounds way better in that context, and Jayce is too busy being Jayce to care about his own abilities' names.

KnivesthebrutalNov 18, 201618 votes

Jayce Hyper Charge is the name of a Shock Blast fired through an Acceleration Gate. It is like an acknowledged super-move combo with a specific name. For instance, take Ken Masters from the Street Fighter series. Ken's Super Combo in Street Fighter is called the "Shoryureppa", not "a-string-of-consecutive-Shoryukens", even though that's what it is. "Hyper Charge" is "a-Shock-Blast-fired-through-an-Acceleration-Gate". Hope that helps...

Miss AnneNov 17, 201620 votes

A terrifying Riot initiated nerf is coming, what do you do? Jayce I drop an Acceleration Gate and blast 'em with a Hyper Charge. Face the future!

rolls die it works.

OWL CORVO PhDNov 17, 201619 votes

and now we wait for Yorick 's new skin......

EvilUnicornLordNov 17, 201666 votes

Dragon Trainer Yorick!

...No- uh, hear me out.

Baby dragons for ghouls.

Stars ShaperNov 17, 201618 votes

Lets make: "I drop an Acceleration get and blast 'em with an Hyper Charge. Face the future!" a meme please :D

SingulariteaNov 17, 201617 votes

karthus looks like vladimir and leblanc had a baby

RalanrNov 17, 201615 votes

I love that Sejuani is the DM.

Alto SaxophoneNov 17, 201615 votes

Karthus You All Will Die Caitlyn Oh #@!% Poppy GG Bard God damn it Enemy Quadra Kill Khazix item 3814 Not Even Close BB

Lord ZenithNov 17, 201611 votes

Eh, I don't really like these skins, there's only one thing to do about that. Drop an Acceleration Gate and blast 'em with a Hyper Charge! xD

But jokes aside, all these skins look pretty cool and the story just sold 'em for me. I'll definitely be picking up Bard Bard sometime within the next few days. Good work on these ones, rito. :P