Dear Draven

Welcome to “Dear Draven,” a new column offering sage advice to harried husbands, worried wives, sullen sweethearts, temperamental teens, and just plain folks in general.

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Dear Draven,

I have a book report due tomorrow and I haven’t read anything yet! If I fail this assignment I’ll have to repeat junior high for the fourth time and my parents will take away my pet cobra. What should I do?

     - Worried Book Guy

Dear Worried,

Have you tried throwing axes at the book? You’re welcome.

P.S. I also have a pet cobra. Her name is Draven.

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Dear Draven,

My roommate keeps eating the special sandwiches I make myself for lunch. I’ve asked him a dozen times to stop, but he pretends to fall asleep every time I bring it up. Is he really asleep and what should I do to make him stop?

     - Sandwhicher

Dear Sandwhicher,

You need to have an open, honest conversation with your roommate about his ability to catch axes. Axes you throw. At him. You’re welcome.

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Dear Draven,

What is the lowest common denominator of the following fractions? Show your work.

1/7, 1/9, 1/11, 1/13

1. 1
2. 7
3. 13
4. 9009

     - Number Cruncher

Dear Number,

E. Throw axes at it. (See below for work). You’re welcome.